I think I'm going to blog less. It's time to focus on other things. Yesterday I didn't blog, but lived in the real world.

During the day I had some stress. It was sad news about hardship in someone else's life and I was there for them. (Their story won't be shared, I don't believe that's acceptable, even anonymously). The point is I felt stressed and sad over it and in the back of my mind there was a little tug about gambling to make myself feel better.

That's it. A little tug.

I silenced the voice before it could really even say anything by telling myself that we don't have the power to fix things in other people's lives, just the power to be there and offer moral support. I did that, and I just hope I did it well enough that it was some small measure of help.

It showed me something important, though. I have to be my own therapist at all times. I have to be my biggest cheerleader and be right there to guide myself along the straight and narrow. The more on board I am about recovery, the more willing I am to dictate the journey, the easier it becomes. I did not gamble. That wasn't even close to happening.

Listening to anything that isn't helping your recovery is, at worst, being your own enemy, at best, being extra dead weight you don't need to carry.

I had wondered how the urges would come now and how I'd deal with them ever since I seemed to get over the hump of withdrawal, and now I know. It's a feeble little tug. Completely beatable. But here's the thing. Even feeble, I could tell that if I'd allowed it to, it would have grown. And there WAS a part of me that missed the voice. THAT was surprising. I'll bet in a weak moment, anyone could find themselves listening again as that damned voice kept talking and growing. That's a real danger, I think, so I'm going to try to remind myself whenever that little tug comes, that it's still something to shut up fast. Seriously, why make things harder for myself? The 'tugs' may be bigger or smaller at different times, but the ability to conquer them remains set at the same level always: vigilant.

This is only my opinion, here, but I think recovery has three main stages. Pre-withdrawal, withdrawal, and post-withdrawal. It's probably a smart thing to adjust your strategy for whatever stage you're in. Obviously, there are more stages than those three, but I think of those as sub-sets of the main three.

So, I'm considering fewer blog posts now in my third stage. I'll write whenever I need or want to, but I'm discovering that I don't always want to now. Life is becoming interesting again, now that I'm not gambling. I'm getting busier with the act of living. I LOVE THAT!

So, this site may see less of my rambling, but the real world will probably see more. But no matter what happens, the most important thing is, as always:

Today, I will not gamble. Never again.