June 2025
May 2025
The point of Phase 4 is to complete the work to say goodbye to my first love permanently; that is what Im asking the universe to do for me; and it looks like its working. IT takes what it takes. IT will be really great when I no longer feel the need for any reason to remember this person from the past; it means I will be fulfilled in the present realizing I missed nothing by not having her in my life anymore... I dont need her in my life. Ill focus on God and God will bring what I need directly from God.. Here n now!
The goal for the last several years as been; work through my first love; work through problems with music creation and art creation.
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When I first started deeply working on these things with the universe I had no solutions and no relief and no answers.
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Today;
What is finished?
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Music creation Finished; I do not need to continue to work on a starting point
Art creation; Finished; I do not need to continue to work on a starting point...
Both these subjects have been figured out by the universe; the only thing left is to get used to the hard work involved and I dont need help with that... If I dont want to do the work; thats up to me. I dont need help with that!
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RELATIONSHIOPS>
First Love;
I have been pushing on the universe for awhile now to work through the history of my First Love until she becomes history; and she is! The reason; the universe is on my side and wants me to have a life; not spend the rest of my life in mesory over past relationships or defeats or resentments or losses. The goal is to work with the universe God and 12 step meetings and allot of writing and slowly let the universe unravel things for me after I pray and meditate concerning my First Love. And thus; this promes from the universe is becoming fulfilled. Everyday more n more information pours into my mind concerning the undoing of the past concerning this person... More n more she becomes more estranged but understood by me and distanced by me; by the universe. The universe wants her out of my life picture... And that is whats happening...
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New events today concerning First Love...
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The universe is now gapping me back into that space on the edge of my reality; as far as I went spiritually when I knew this person... I am now at that gate. Thus; the universe has me understanding that I wanted this girl as my helper; but she was not qualified to be a helper... and this is important. This means I made a big mistake and found myself in the wrong neighborhood with the wrong person.
I had much developmental needs; i needed to develop; and I wanted her help... It thought she would become my best friend soulmate and girlfriend and wife. I was incorrect; I had the wrong address!
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I wanted her to fulfill me; she would not; she could not!
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My focus is on God now. God is the source...
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What does this mean; it means I dont have to have that person in my life; It means shes been bi passed by the universe and the universe and I are directly linked. That means the universe will show me how to grow more; develop; put me on a pathway independent of that girl from my past and allow me to grow in safe harbors...
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The universe has plans for me!
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The girl has been more understood at a deeper level as I have been learning more about myself at a deeper level.
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I went down a wrong dangerous road and ended up at this girls house. I was not suppose to go into this witches layer... I was so easily destroyed and manipulated and disarmed... I mean; I did not have a chance...
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So; today; Those areas I thought only she could fulfill; She has been bi passed; my focus is directly on the universe.
At some point she will become nothing more than a very past figure not needed ever again. ANd that is so great...
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The universe will develop me today! Here n now! I dont need to go into the past. Once done. ANd Im not in the past anymore because Ive become a more complete person; The universe will start attracting more people toward me... and I will learn how to have relationships in the present... And this is actually happening in real time; all of this freedom...
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One of the major points of all this; I haven't felt this way since I was 12 years old; 11 years old; and that is very important because that was long before I ever met this girl. What does that mean; it means literally; the universe has taken me back before I met her; taken me back to a place where I get my needs met on my own and by God and innocence before I meet her; but its real... Before I would have ever known her... before I ever met her. And I turn to the universe now; I turn to my higher power God universe Jesus Holy spiritus wonderous.... source energyus... I turn to that higher energy globe of the universe and ask for help... And the universe will bring me new people and places and things and information on how to hook up and develop with God; no one else needed and once developed; ill go back out and create new relationships; this time my source energy of power is God; Ill be independent of other people. However, hopefully I will only meet someone else in the elliptical realm of God; no other place... Ill pray for it.
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So; this means I believe the universe; ( I can feel it); the universe is bi passing the past and allowing me to get my needs met in the present; I wont need those other past co dependent fake relationships. Im relying on myself and God... and recovery process and support.
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THose losses hit me so hard I never wanted to live anymore; I felt dead inside and did not want anything more from society! However, under Gods power; that has changed and I can get rid of the past and those in it! And trust a higher that my higher power will bring me new people and places and things and that is my power base; I dont need anything from the past; Ive got all I need in the present and Im no longer fooled by lies or deceit or deception from manipulative people who faked being my friends. in fact; Im getting close to a time I dont even want or need to bring this up about those despicable people.
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My higher power does not want me around people like the people I met in the past. So; Ill work with a higher power on who my higher power wants me to be around.
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MUSIC COMP; Music creation; What keyboard? Im working with the universe to discover if I need a keyboard or not. What do i need to create music. I dont really need anything. I mean; Im starting from the ground up... So... Ill pray about it.
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I did want a keyboard but I dont know which one!~ Im praying about it... Something I can use live for performance. And maybe just the idea of playing live or getting closer to it really scares me and puts me in a shutdown panic mode.. So.....
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