Before I masturbate I'll try to calm down and just let things happen when I try to masturbate to men, but I try and try to do it and I can't, I always end up masturbating to women, which makes me happy. Why do I find men attractive then huh? Why is it that when I look at a penis I get this weird feeling that goes through me? Why is it that I simply look at men? Why are they attractive? We do I get this sort of nice feeling? The NIMH says that a one of the symptoms for OCD is not deriving pleasure from the thoughts. Well I get anxious and upset because of these feelings. I even get a anxious sometimes when I see an attractive woman because of how anxious I get around attractive men. And the anxiety and the terrible feelings are a by-product of the feelings.