Maybe I am still a bit in shock with all that has happened...the low down is that I know I was sexually assaulted by a member of our system, and that I have very little recourse for that...or so I thought.

I got him back good enough though, with a well placed kick. This was of course not done by physically kicking myself, since I appreciate that others need this body and all its parts intact, but it hurt him pretty well enough. In fact it really made little difference to the conscious mind as the pain actually physically manifested...Shephard is the one that gets to feel an achey smashed groin when he fronts and I am perfectly fine with that. Hehe

The system is strangely now starting to cooperate more. Last time I was around a lot of very bad stuff was going on but I seem to be much more emotionally balanced all things considered. I think that is why they decided today needed to be the day to bring me back and I am thankful for that. I thought I was a total goner.

Shephard talked to the therapist today. As angry and repulsed as I feel by what he did I am thankful for this.
He actually did well. He didn't mention what he had done to me but he did without any excuse whatsoever explain what he had been doing to others and the ex...it breaks my heart to use this term, so so much and I pray this isn't permanent even if for selfish reasons...he was pretty forthcoming about it at least.

I think he needed to be able to admit what he did honestly, because he does carry a lot of guilt and shame. A LOT. Forgiveness is a strange concept in here because we can't walk away from each other, we can't ignore one another, we can't call the police and have a troublesome occupant arrested. We have to learn to get along. See each other as people. And while I very much hate and resent him right now for what happened, I know I can't hang on to it forever either. It's too toxic an emotion.

This is apparently the point where we are supposed to start applying those DBT skills we are learning...it's tough. Learning to think differently is not an easy task! Or maybe in our case just think, period!