I struggle between wanting to get help and telling myself I'm overreacting and I need to just get over it.

I'm Avoidant Borderline Personality Disorder. I combat overwhelming feelings of humiliation, shyness, frustration, and guilt nearly every day all day.

Sometimes I feel like a big baby because I wasn't physically or sexually abused. My abuse was psychological and emotional coupled with a lot of neglect thrown in for good measure.

Some days I feel like it was all a bad dream and I act normal. People often describe me as smart and funny.

I do my best to hide my problem because nobody cares. Everybody has their own stuff to deal with, and this is too much to ask help for.

People insult me a lot. Everybody acts very nervous and afraid around me. People who I've never said one mean word to tiptoe around me like I'm gonna bite them.

The last few years it's gotten worse. I feel like I won't be able to cope if I don't find some help. But I'm afraid of getting help too. I'm afraid of rejection, and I'm afraid of pity.

I'm impossible and I don't know how anyone can help me.

It took my partner, continuously hounding me at social functions, to make me realise I could be quite gruff towards others.

Not saying this is happening here, but I've been known to frighten teenagers, or make people think I was mad at them....

[quote="Snaga"]It took my partner, continuously hounding me at social functions, to make me realise I could be quite gruff towards others.

Not saying this is happening here, but I've been known to frighten teenagers, or make people think I was mad at them....[/quote]

No it's exactly what you are saying. I know I make people think I'm mad at everyone. Really I'm just frustrated at myself.

At least you recognise it, then. I never did.