Just confuse

Hi, to everyone and Happy Holidays to you all. It's been awhile since I checked in the forum, but I want to thank you all for all the support and help you have all given to me this year. I am truly appreciative!!! Well, I need your feedback, cause you all been so honest and up front with me. I have been doing well with my meds and I am still sober and clean. But, what I have notice is that I seem to be avoiding close friends of mine phone calls and I get sorta moody and anxious with my cousins. Like I would try to avoid them as well. I don't know why I do this and it's like I want to isolate myself because I feel safer? I don't know why and they haven't done anything to hurt me. I know my parents have hurt me in the past, but I try very hard to put my differences aside during the Holidays to have a nice time with my family members. But, once the Holidays are over throughout the year, I find I don't spend or talk to my parents at hardly. I have just been hurt to much. I love them, but I just don't want to get hurt again. But, I want my parents to be close to their grand and great grand children. I really try to put up a protective wall for myself only. Any feedbacks on this issue with me?

berdonj wrote:I am still sober and clean.

Congrats Berdonj!

In regards to your message, I can't really give you any feedback. You said that you really avoid your family because they have hurt you in the past. I know it's somewhat personal but, if you don't explain the context in which they hurt you it seems hard to give any meaningful feedback. If you eloborated a bit more I think it would help.

Hoping your alright and happy holidays to you too Berdonj. Take care.

Hi berdonj and happy christmas

I also struggle with family. I think it is difficult this time of year for everyone, living in each other's pockets so much and then throw mental illness into the mix and it makes things even worse - what do you think?

Hugs

Cracked

Hi Crackgirl, it's so nice to chat with you. Yup, it is a hard one during the holidays. I try to make the best of it by thinking positive for my grand child. For those of you who need a bit more detail information about how my parents have hurt me in my past maybe similar to others who have BP. I was physically, mentally,and incest had happen to me when I was 5 years old. My mother divorced 2 years later and then remarried to my Step-Father who told my brother and I when I was 7 years old that he had to adopt us in order to marry my mother. He also, told us that he will never love us. I remember that to this very day. It was the most emotional abuse that I have ever felt. It was worst then getting physically hit. He wanted me out of the house at age 11. He told me to pack my bags and call one of my best friend and ask if they would adopt me. So, much mind games he played on my brother and I. I then turn to stealing, and just rebelling toward my step-father and my mother. My mother never would protect me from either men in her life, so my behaviors were just getting worst. At age 17 was my first attempt of suicide. I couldn't take it anymore from my parents, so I left to live with my boss who took me in. The suicide attempt was on Christmas Eve and I took several pills that the doc gave to me to help me relax and sleep. I didn't want to wake up and the trigger was I wanted to return back home and my step-father said no. I had missed my brothers so much and right now I'm tearing really hard. My step-father also move our family away from our cousin and my mother side of the family. This was so heart breaking!!! Now, for the rest of my life I suffer from BP and I can't seem to get close to anyone. I worry that I may never see my grand daughter. That something is going to happen between my son and his girlfriend. My thoughts are always, if I have a friend, I'm afraid that she will leave me and I just can seem to stay in contact. I refuse to call anyone or even write to my friends. They mus think what's wrong with her? Okay, I think I need to stop for now. I just need all of you to help me out right now

Hugs hon - it sounds like you had a bad time - I am really sorry to hear that. I find it very difficult to give decent advice on how to deal with situations like this as mine is a mess too and I dont know how to fix it - so what I am saying to myself and perhaps you can say to you is this too shall pass. Sometimes that is all we can do as the situation is not going to remedy itself and the best we can do is try to let go.

More hugs

Cracked

Thanxs Crackgirl and I have tried forgiving and I have been trying so hard to please my parents through out my adult life. It hasn't worked for me, cause my parents still will hurt me thru this day. I cannot even step up to the plate to have a good heart to heart talk with them. I'm afraid that my words will never mean anything to them and it will go to the grave. They are now in their late 70's and I have only been putting on a front and looking happy when they come to visit their grand and great grand children at my home. I just want to be happy and have my own family be happy. I'm feeling a bit better now.

Keep chatting berdonj - it can help to get things out in the open

Hugs

Cracked