miss being invincible

Another I miss being hypomanic thread. I miss feeling like I was becoming a superhero, that I had no limits, was made of steel, could do anything. I miss knowing anyone that f'd with me on the street would end up in the hospital. I miss being a monster in the gym, working with trainers 4 days a week that I couldn't afford at all who worked me till I'd see stars and throw up in my mouth (sorry). I miss my world being so extreme and colorful. I miss being fearless. I miss people crossing the street when they saw me coming. I miss these things because they were so new and so unlike the old me that was scared and weak.

My meds killed my mood swings and destructive behaviors which is great. I just wish I'd kept the parts I liked. Now I'm just me again and it's kind of disappointing

Oh how I relate.... I miss the women. I miss the smoothness/charm of it all. I miss the fearless quality. I miss the super human brain. I miss the lifestyle.

One of the very first posts I made in this forum was how i missed being high. Wise ppl here told me that I would adjust and get used to being stable. And it is true, you do. Now, much as I like the euphoria I generally see going high as a nuisance as it stops me from getting on with things as I normally do. I know it sounds weird and when I was told it I was also skeptical, but it is true. you just have to stick out til you get to that point.

Cracked

I completely support where you are at...

However, your thread makes me question "how come I have always craved normal mood????"
Sure hypomania is more pleasant than depression; but normal mood for me, is just right.
All I want is to have normal energy, mood and cognition - not too little, not too much; just right.

We are all so different... and I'm struggling to not feel something is wrong with me for craving normal... I spose it is just about accepting wherever we are at, whatever our experience

Living Well wrote:We are all so different... and I'm struggling to not feel something is wrong with me for craving normal... I spose it is just about accepting wherever we are at, whatever our experience

Nothing is wrong with you, LW. All I want is a stable "normal" life and moods. I usually feel more depressed, but I get tired of feeling like "Watch out when you're down, watch out when you're up."
I haven't felt good in a very long time and I usually get really stupid and irritated trying impossible things. But something is definitely not wrong and you're not alone.

Living Well wrote:We are all so different... and I'm struggling to not feel something is wrong with me for craving normal... I spose it is just about accepting wherever we are at, whatever our experience

Nothing's wrong with you. Maybe you've gone through the ups & downs more than I have and are tired of it. I've always been down for about 2 weeks each winter. I see it coming and know what to do to get over it as quickly a I can. This was my first Up that was so intense. Only had one before that, as a teenager in high school. But it was mild.

There's *a lot* about being up that felt uncomfortable... just as extreme as what was fun about it. You're fine where you're at. Congrats on being as centered and level-headed as you are!

Unleashtherain: haha I know what you mean, but for me it was the guys

Cracked: I will definitely give it time. I'm having trouble holding back from trying to trigger a little bit of that feeling. I have body dysmorphia (god what don't I have) and though I have almost the lowest body fat I've ever had, I feel like I'm shrinking muscle and gaining a spare tire. I was jacked and want it back. I know that feeling is inaccurate and I shouldn't believe it. I'm taking herbal test boosters again to get it back, even though my Pdoc told me I can't ever take them again. It was just so... fun.

Glad you are going to give it time and take it easy with the herbal test boosters.

Cracked

I miss feeling like god, like nothing material mattered. In my second manic phase I thought I was a telepath and was going to rule the world.