What am i supposed to do?

I haven't been here for a long time! I think its a combination of I was feeling fine at some points and too bad to function at others. I got hospitalized and fired as soon as I got out but I found a new job so that's just old news. What's bothering me now is I have no idea what my moods are doing!

I was in the hospital because I was depressed and when I left it wasn't exactly gone, I just didn't want to be there anymore. After being depressed for months and months I started to raise one of my medications on my own (which my pdoc knows about). I thought it was working because I felt better for about a week, but yesterday I realized I was hypomanic! Its like out of the frying pan into the fire! Now I have to worry about getting manic and disapearing or buying new cars or whatever, and like 3 weeks from my wedding! I don't even know what to do about this, I'm almost at the max dose for one of my meds and the next dose of lithium makes me so sick I can barely walk!

What in the heck should I be doing? My pdoc appointment is on Monday but 30mins doesn't ever seem to be enough to say everything and I always forget hakf of what I want to say my memory is so bad. And I do write things down but then I forget that!

I am sorry you are struggling. I think you should write a list of things that you need to raise with your psych and put it somewhere where you will take it with you when you go. Do this with a clear head, or as clear as your head can be. Then use your medications including your prn to get you through the weekend plus post on here. If you find you are becomming more unwell then attend the ER. I have started a stickie about where to get help so if you are in the UK or US check that out. You are not well so hopefully your psych will give you time to explain what is going on when they see you. Try writing that list. Even if you have to do it in bits. And try not to panic either, this can get sorted.

Cracked

Now I have to worry about getting manic and disapearing or buying new cars or whatever, and like 3 weeks from my wedding!

Understandable as wedding, births..any event worth talking about can be a trigger. I suggest you have someone take over all your preparations for this wedding, and be very confident they'll do their best. You need to let go and let others take over. This will help you with your anxiety of facing a mania.

It's your day, but do not feel as if everything must be perfect, write things down that you need for the wedding and give it to someone you trust...then let go and breath.

What you are facing now is anxiety related to this event, which could lead to mania if you don't let go.

Meds are one thing, increasing or decreasing doesn't make a difference if our daily lives have not changed. i.e. sleep schedule, diet, exercise...even meditation

Take care and congratulations on your wedding!