Is this for real?

I am very confused by my diagnosis of Bipolar II. I don't know if i actually have Bipolar or if i have just manifested the symptoms, or rather found the symptoms in my memory. I watched a BBC documentary on manic depression with Stephen Fry and it was wonderful, I kept thinking to myself "I know exactly what that feels like!", when they were describing some of their symptoms of mania. I have been well aware of and diagnosed with depression and I can very easily see the cyclical nature of it. Perhaps the most horrifying realization of my life has come over the last year and half, the only time since I was 17 (about 7 years total) that I have been sober. That realization was that even without abusing alcohol none of the mental issues I was using alcohol to mask went away. I thought that when I got sober I would be able to get my life together and be happy and productive and healthy, which I did. For a few months. Then I got a fit of depression which was hard to battle without alcohol, but I got through it and had another productive couple of months, and repeat for a year. I don't really know what I'm trying to get at here, I don't really have any direct questions. I'm just absolutely uncertain about every aspect of my pysche. The only thing I can be truly certain about is that I am not certain about anything. On that note, how do I deal with this disorder? I am 6 days into a divalproex sodium medication and I know I have to wait for it to work, but I'm not sure if I want to be medicated. It bothers me that I can't intellectualize my way out of this problem, that I can't rationally criticize my actions without psycological bias. Well that just about does it for now, I hope if nothing else there is at least one other person out there that feels the way I do, so we can both know we're not alone.

I felt the same way when I was first diagnosed. I felt like maybe I was making the symptoms fit and it wasn't true. I still sometimes feel like I don't need Meds. But I try to remind myself of the stuff I used to do and remember that I need to take the Meds. It's tough. Hang in there.

I'm not certain of anything either and I'm thinking I either have bipolar or just ADHD with repeating depression. Or something.

It's hard to seperate thing sometimes and know what is you and what is you being paranoid or if that paranoia is part of it..