is it bipolar if.......?

I'm wondering, after reading all of the articles and messages in the forums about the description of bipolar, it sounds like my mother has it. But the description talks about extreme highs and lows and it appears that these times wouldn't actually be able to be controlled.... which makes sense anyway.

But my mother seems to be able to control it to some extent when she has her high highs and her low lows. Outside of the house, around others, she seems to put up a front... makes others think everything is just honky dory, perfectly fine, but when she gets home.... she lets out her frustrations and anger on the family and then she goes to her room to be alone in the dark. So it appears that she can control when she happy go lucky and when she is low or angry... angry - which is the majority of the time she's in front of the family at home. Though sometimes she's overly bubbly and happy at home in front of the family also.

I guess when she's happy outside of the house, it's just a front, but I'd think that a person with this disorder maybe wouldn't be able to make themselves appear that happy when they just aren't... like the disorder would be too strong over a person to pretend. I guess it depends on the level of bipolar though.

Does it sound like my mother could still have bipolar, because she does have all these symptoms, it's just the fact that she seems to be able to control herself to a pretty good extent that is confusing me.

Hi,

I don't know how old your Mother is,... but after many years of having bipolar you learn it's symptoms, and it is easy to put on a "mask", but do you still notice hyperactivity? or grandiosity(thinking she knows more than the next person? no offense)? Those are two symptoms that are hard to hide.

With bipolar 1, which is what my dx is, I am manic most of the time, and when I get around people I am very extraverted and bubbly, no one knows I'm bipolar, at least that they have told me, unless I tell them. Only one friend when I was in my 20's who was bipolar recognized it and saw thru me, she was right. I can spot another bipolar a mile away. We usually don't get along too good, because we can't talk at the same time. LOL.

When I'm depressed I stay to myself, and sleep.

My mother is bipolar too, and she is in total denial. I think the denial helps her to control what she thinks aren't symptoms. She is from the old school, and doesn't want anyone to stigmatize her, plus I have a very controlling stepdad who won't allow her to be anything less than perfect. sheesh. But I know. I see many symptoms. I can hear the change in her voice on the phone, I can tell when she is going from one pole to another, thru her irritability.
And she calls crying many times. She has always been open with me, too open, and I guess I'm her soft pillow to land on, cuz I don't judge, or talk about it . If she choses to live in denial that is her choice. One day she said. "God, don't tell me I could;ve gotten help years ago". ah ha. A little slip up there. She watches my treatment, but my dad won't let her go to the doc. He thinks we can control our moods with will. Tho he is sooooooooo OCD, he is pure textbook. I'm sure this is hard on her. To have to be perfect....or fight. I feel sorry for her.

That mask is a hard thing to wear.

Hey Ddee, remember me? Your reply has piqued my intrigue. I would like to find out if a couple symptoms NOW worth mentioning might match up with anything from your end.

I am a very introverted person (as I stated before if you remember) but I went through a period where I attempted to, I suppose, prove myself socially. I put up an extroverted front and tried to be the most charismatic person of the party, but when I found out it wasn't working and I wasn't being myself, I stopped doing that. I now am the life of the party since I don't talk unless I feel what I have to say is worth opening my mouth for (for some reason, people get really tripped out when they meet a person with a personality like mine).

This contradicts my introverted personality - I noticed something about myself. It seems to me I am very uninhibited. I'm talking, if you were to judge from that alone, you would think I had at least ten shots of the strongest whiskey from the store. Yet, I don't drink. I am very good at not giving a $#%^ about what people think of me, and I'm very good at being myself nowadays and I have become much more socially developed than I used to be (thank God, there was definitely some reason for it). My regard for what another person may or may not find awkward seems to be rather nil.

There are times when I feel unusually hyper or excited, and there are times when I talk too much, and more often than not it's probably going to be both and not just one, if I'm in such a mood.

I have not yet encountered any extremities in mood shift that lasted longer than 24-48 hours or anything. Usually my mood is good, especially nowadays, since I actually have some idea who the hell I am now.

If you don't mind, could you tell me what people generally go through prior to their diagnosis, or having any idea what's going on? What do bipolars feel before their disorder escalates into being more severe? My concern is that I may have it, and it just has not escalated into something discernable yet (not to anyone but me at least, assuming I do have it).

Sorry if my post is hard to understand. I am having difficulty functioning right now, as I am fasting.

Hi wondering, how are you?

Well to answer your question from what I know and have been thru, bipolar hit me @17, well I had symptoms before that, but under the circumstances ( my home life ) I thought I was just miserable. It usually starts to peek for many in early adulthood.

Most bipolars go into crisis, before they see anything wrong. From the stories I've been told, it is usuall y in crisis for depression, when we reach out the most. Unfortunately the doc, see's only depression. And the patient knows nothing of mania.

Or they go into what is called psychosis, where they are paranoid, and see things, or hear things that are not there. This can happen during a manic or depressive episode, but can happen in other disorders too, just for example BPD.

Many bipolars don't have mood swings as fast as mine. But my depression doesn't last long, but when it hits, it hits hard. I'm so used to the mania. Bipolar 2 are more depressed and mania really is bad for them. But if your mood switches fast, that is rapid cycling, which I only do if given AD's. Then there is mixed, where you feel both at the same time.

these are the symptoms I know. Now keep in mind, each of us is different. (That is why I had the mood scale for you all here, to monitor your moods, meds, stress levels,etc . to show your doc, if you decide to go.). Instead of just walking in depressed.

Here is a website that defines it.

http://www.moodswingscontrol.com/bipolar.aspx

And here is the link to the mood diary for members to take to docs.
http://www.psychiatry24x7.com/bgdisplay ... =mooddiary

I hope this helps.

ddee wrote:Hi,

I don't know how old your Mother is,... but after many years of having bipolar you learn it's symptoms, and it is easy to put on a "mask", but do you still notice hyperactivity? or grandiosity(thinking she knows more than the next person? no offense)? Those are two symptoms that are hard to hide.

My mother is 55. I don't know exactly what you mean by hyperactivity but my mother always seems to be very restless, whether she physically can't sit still - has to be moving, has an automatic blatant remark for everything, jumps or gets annoyed or upset at the slightest noise, gets offended at the drop of a hat. Has an automatic blatant remark to anything one of family members say (mainly my dad and me) or to any noise. I guess I'd consider these things hyperactivity.... what exactly do you mean by that? As far as grandiosity.... OH MY GOSH. Oh yes, don't ever even consider an idea that she could be wrong about anything.... and I mean pretty much anything.

With bipolar 1, which is what my dx is, I am manic most of the time, and when I get around people I am very extraverted and bubbly, no one knows I'm bipolar, at least that they have told me, unless I tell them.

This is how my mother is when she gets around people. I used to despise my mother as a child because I thought of her as such a phony and that she does this on purpose - especially to spite me and play with my head, I thought. Now I realize that there's something more behind it, but still - is this done on purpose to a degree or is it automatic?.... that is if this really is bipolar. Her entire demeanor can change at the drop of a hat when she answers the phone: coldly yelling one minute, a warm and kind hello the next. I used to talk about how much my mother hurt me (emotionally) when I was younger and everyone would think I was exaggerating quite a bit, didn't see how someone as bubbly, friendly, and caring as she is could do such things that I described.

When I'm depressed I stay to myself, and sleep.

This sounds very much like my mother also. She used to go to her room on the weekends or when she got home from work and either go to sleep or sit in the dark, not sure what she'd be doing. I remember hearing her cry sometimes. But if she was outside of the room at home, the majority of that time was spent criticizing something about anything in a loud voice.

My mother is bipolar too, and she is in total denial. I think the denial helps her to control what she thinks aren't symptoms. She is from the old school, and doesn't want anyone to stigmatize her, plus I have a very controlling stepdad who won't allow her to be anything less than perfect. sheesh. But I know. I see many symptoms. I can hear the change in her voice on the phone, I can tell when she is going from one pole to another, thru her irritability.
And she calls crying many times. She has always been open with me, too open, and I guess I'm her soft pillow to land on, cuz I don't judge, or talk about it . If she choses to live in denial that is her choice. One day she said. "God, don't tell me I could;ve gotten help years ago". ah ha. A little slip up there. She watches my treatment, but my dad won't let her go to the doc. He thinks we can control our moods with will. Tho he is sooooooooo OCD, he is pure textbook. I'm sure this is hard on her. To have to be perfect....or fight. I feel sorry for her.

That mask is a hard thing to wear.

I'm sorry to hear about your mother's situation... that's gotta be tough. My mother is in complete denial about soooo many things it's ridiculous. She wanted to send me to counseling. My neighbor actually told her that she's the one who needs counseling. I don't neccessarily feel it was his place to say this... but he did have point. Needless to say, she doesn't speak to him anymore, she can't stand him. My mother is very OCD also. If anything is moved out of place she freaks. This is part of the reason she couldn't stand me living at home when I did. She couldn't handle the fact that I can't be a complete neat freak just because she is... I'm not too terribly messy either. We've never gotten along... no matter which way I go, no matter what way I go about anything... unless I live a lie, in complete denial with her, I cannot even halfway win. But I'm not willing to pretend, I think it's unhealthy, not only for her health, but mine also.

~rhssm
(why can't i post my messages with my username? i can log in, but i can't actually post with my name...)

I am about to be going home (taking a break from college) for either a semester or two. I've been doing research by searching the web for a while now, wanting to know what is wrong with my mother, but especially now... I'm becoming a little nervous about living with her again. I guess if nothing else, understanding the reasons she acts the way she does will help me to better relate to and cope with her, or at least be a little more empathic, so that I can possibly, in turn, be a little more patient with her difficult behavior, though I'm an extremely patient person normally... until her bizarre behavior is near me. (I really hope nothing I've said has offended you or hurt you, since you're also bipolar, but it's truly a challenge for me to handle, because no matter what I do, I can't win with her.)

It is just so hard to truly be patient when I feel like the majority of the time she's wasting her breath on screaming about the most unbelievable things or just being negative in general (and I was always her favorite target for some reason) ... she seems to be more talented at bringing me down than anyone else -which would make more sense... when I had struggled with circumstantial depression (... I know it was circumstantial and not clinical... since I have obviously, with hard work on my own and help from an awesome person, been able to finally pull myself out of a huge psychological and emotional mess).... I seriously view it as nothing short of a miracle.

What I guess I'm trying to do is prep myself for what is to come.... because it is coming very soon. Do you have any advice for someone on the outside who may have to handle this behavior, when it's untreated? You have a mother with it who's not treated, so who better to ask? I'm sure it depends on who the person is also though. I will be living at home and working at home for a little while... staying at home to raise money while I figure out what I really want to major in. Otherwise, I'd just get an apartment and live on my own, but I really need to be saving money... but I'd also like to save my sanity - I don't mean that lightly or jokingly, I seriously am afraid of slipping again. This is the only choice that makes sense for now though. Suggestions?

~rhssm

See a psychiatrist/[sychologist to make sure. Bipolar mainly seems to have cycles. My depression is expressed through, anger, irritability, can't stand people, down on the worlds, why live type of behavior rather than crawling into bed in a deep dark depression and not getting out of bed for a long time until the depression is over. If your mother has extreme mania or depression, those are the times that people are usually admitted, because they need to be brought down or up (as the case may be). Also, I am usually depressed when I take things out on family, but, like your mother I can put on a social front in public (not for long - I want to get away from people and tend to stay away, esp. family, because they seem to get the brunt of the feelings). Also, everyone needs to know that she probably she may not even be aware of this (took me awhile - years) and she probably does not mean it, but as in almost all things familial, it feels safer to dole it out than to strangers/acquantances. Just remember not to take this personally (I know this is hard), and when she gos to her room, it is probably best to leave her alone until she feels lile re-entering the world, with maybe an occasional understanding talk to her.

That's my view on this type of behavior. In fact, I am glad you wrote it, because I have never heard of anyone else in these forums or in books expressing these bipolar behaviors in this way. Almost all bipolars are different in some ways, but there are also commonalities.

rapidomixeda wrote:See a psychiatrist/[sychologist to make sure.

She would never admit to having a problem, I'm pretty sure and she'd be offended for the suggestion. My father knows she has some kind of problem, but is afraid to say or do anything. I'm the only person who speaks up about anything (that really needs to be said) in the house besides her, except I do it in a more civilized manner. Of course, I can understand why my dad chooses not to open that can of worms, because my mother does get offended very easily and when she's offended she's not happy, and when she's not happy, she makes sure no one else in the house is. He has to live with this day in day out. I would look for as much peace if I was stuck there too. But you're right, she really needs to she a psychologist.

Bipolar mainly seems to have cycles. My depression is expressed through, anger, irritability, can't stand people, down on the worlds, why live type of behavior rather than crawling into bed in a deep dark depression and not getting out of bed for a long time until the depression is over. If your mother has extreme mania or depression, those are the times that people are usually admitted, because they need to be brought down or up (as the case may be). Also, I am usually depressed when I take things out on family, but, like your mother I can put on a social front in public (not for long - I want to get away from people and tend to stay away, esp. family, because they seem to get the brunt of the feelings). Also, everyone needs to know that she probably she may not even be aware of this (took me awhile - years) and she probably does not mean it, but as in almost all things familial, it feels safer to dole it out than to strangers/acquantances. Just remember not to take this personally (I know this is hard), and when she gos to her room, it is probably best to leave her alone until she feels lile re-entering the world, with maybe an occasional understanding talk to her.

Then maybe she expresses depression in both your way and in the way that she goes to her room for a while. You're depression makes sense also. I'm really not sure if whatever my mother has would be considered extreme or not; sometimes I think it is and sometimes I think maybe I'm exaggerating a little (this may also stem from the fact that when I'm really starting to get suspicious sometimes she'll begin to level out more and change my mind a little). I know that as a child I viewed her behavior as more normal than I do now, which is why I was afraid of the world and thought being hopeless and sad was the only way to live life, that this was expected. I tend to be a pretty good judge of things in general, but sometimes I wonder if what I'm seeing is still a little skewed, so I'm not sure if I'd be the best judge of how extreme my mother's behavior is... which is why she needs a psychologist .

That's my view on this type of behavior. In fact, I am glad you wrote it, because I have never heard of anyone else in these forums or in books expressing these bipolar behaviors in this way. Almost all bipolars are different in some ways, but there are also commonalities.

Well, I'm not sure if what she has is actually bipolar. I'm trying to figure it out and am just very suspicious, because the diagnosis for bipolar sounds pretty similar to my mother's behaviors. If she doesn't have bipolar, my other guess so far is Histrionic Personality Disorder, but I wouldn't be surprised if she has some of both.

the reply right above this one is me.... rhssm. still can't use my username in replies.

~rhssm

But how do you separate out all the other typical female maladies such as PMS and things that happen during menopause? Women are usualy very verbal, more so then men. They have their mood swings with the time of month.