Extreme hypersexuality?

Ok firstly I have recently been diagnosed but not on meds yet as I have major issues and my Pdoc says if I take meds before my issues are sorted I will probably be so stressed I will go manic anyway. I hear many people describe different aspects of bipolar but the aspects they describe are not the one I feel the most. When I go manic I believe god made me to be free. That I am special, God gives me a mission and I obey. This mission usually has a high sexual aspect. The mission changes, most common I believe that I am sent to test men by having sex with them and that if they have sex with me they will go to hell.

I have done horrible things. Another is I get given a mission to hurt those who love me and I delibretly seek out the most hurtful way I can which is usually promiscus. When I was 13 and in a abusive relationship (it suited me I was suffering Mania but I kept it hidden and the abusive relationship was like me up and down) I decided while manic to teach him a lesson I slept with 4 people one of which was a 23yo man who raped my friend I wanted him to hurt me as I believed if he did god would punish him and then my friend would have the justice that the police had failed on.

My recent one was a mission to corrupt my friend because I believed he was too stuck up saying how great he was he has morals and he is a great guy and I believed God wanted me to make him swallow his morals and principals and see that morals are decided by what you can afford and stop being so damn judgemental. I have two children and I am still with their father, but I felt like if I didn't complete my mission I would die. I got out while manic and get on a table and remove my clothes (regardless of whether I am in a relationship) I cannot control it, I will sleep with people and even do things I would not normally do Like have extremily abusive sex in which I will be barely able to walk. But here is the thing I feel somewhere inside ashamed of my actions and my partner is judging so I push him away and wont let him touch me. But other people describe hypersexuality as a increased sex drive with thier partner but that is never enough for me it has to be destructive risky sex is it just me?AmI the only bipolar person who cant control this part of a manic episode?

I get hypersexual when manic as well but I have been married 20 years and my hypersexuality is focused on my wife. It is something that I don't realize is happening at the time, so I would agree that its possible you have no control over it. Hypersexuality I think only happens during mania though and medication can usually prevent you from going into full blown mania. You will still have ups and downs but not as severe. The way to treat bipolar is tri-fold and consists of medication, therapy, and the right amount of sleep. You could start on the therapy and sleep habits right away. I think in your case therapy might help you control your impulses to a degree and getting the right amount of sleep with consistent sleep habits might help you not to go manic as often. So far as your thoughts go that you are on a mission from God, that is pretty common stuff and actually quite tame compared to some of the things I have gone through that were also related to religious thoughts. Many bipolars have "religious" ambitions while manic.

Thank you moses I have been in a committed relationship for 6 years now and not had any ups (only downs) since before I met my partner I used to have only ups before that and I have been 100% committed to him I love him to pieces he is the first partner I have had who has not abused me. But I recently had a Mixed episode and that is when I slept with my friend and really hurt him but I guess I just dont know why I did that I have a very low sex drive normally and no desire what so ever to cheat and I am so happy with my relationship it makes no sence as to why I did that to him because I really had no desire to until I started going on a episode. I also physically assaulted him which is another aspect but I hear so many people who like you are able to control the sexual urges and direct them to your partner and it just makes me think how weak and horrible I must be to be unable to stop myself and to hurt the father of my children when he is the first person who has ever given a s**t about me.

There are numerous reasons I cant take meds, I also cant sleep at night because my ex partner used to be so vilent when I was a child that I started going manic at the sight of vilence and it saved me protected me it meant I stood up and stopped letting myself be used as a kickbag so to me my Bipolar feels like a protective measure and until I sort those issues out I don't have the strength to live without my protection. As for the sleep part my ex partner used to rape me when I was asleep in order to make it so he would not trigger my mania and make it so I could stop him. He would attack me while sleeping until I could not move rape me then throw me in the bath. So know i cant sleep because I am still scared to go to sleep in case someone tries to hurt me while I am sleeping. My father was also a drug addict and dealer and therefore I have panic attacks at the thought of medication. So my pdoc wont give me meds yet until I work through both thoose problems .

I experienced something similar when I first became really sick. It’s scary how the shift in my personality seemed to come out of nowhere. One day I felt every cell in my body change and it was like I was possessed. In my head I told myself I was being liberated or a free spirit, but I was really engaging in risky and unhealthy behavior.

I developed a huge power trip I never experienced before. I had to be wanted, desired, and pursued. I was always out on a mission; looking for someone to fall for me and boost my ego to new heights. I carried on this way for over a year despite being married to a wonderful person. In the end I almost destroyed both my marriage and my life. It’s probably a good thing I did hit rock bottom because it snapped me out of that lifestyle.

I still relate it to being possessed. I would be overcome with this awful, selfish, party-monster and the next morning I would be overcome with shame and despair. For better or worse I have lost any hint of hyper-sexuality. Part of that is from therapy and medication, but part of it is really from shame and self-loathing. I think I associate sex with being a bad person or bad times that I just no longer have much interest in it at all.

I’m not sure how I’m going to get back to middle ground. If anyone has advice in that arena I’m all ears. (eyes?)

I can relate to the hypersexuality when I'm manic (and even when I'm not). I'm catholic, but the God stuff caught me a little off guard. I also battle substance/addiction issues. You mix that with Bipolar type I and you've got a mess. I'm in a relationship, I'm not in a relationship... even if I am I am not faithful. I feel accomplished after sleeping with a married woman... how sad. Inhibitions go out the door, and so does the exhibitionism... I can't tell you how many times I've woken up next to a stranger. I'm 26 yrs old now and clean... but the sex drive is still there and will always be. I've ruined marriages and relationships (including my own) I'm just hoping to GOD that something will snap... and I'll be "normal."

Thank you agirlbyanyothername I am very sorry that you have been so badly effected by the hyposexuality. I understand that after I went looking for that pedo and slept with him being undaignosed at the time my friend never understood or forgave and worse I never forgave myself nad I will always have the memory of giving my body freely to that perve and getting off on it .

ScottG try not to be to hard on yourself thoose married women choose to sleep with you, people with bipolar can barely control their own actions let alone anothers . I am also Catholic I dread to think what my priests face would be like if I went to confession and told him my delusions . I get alot of dulusions not all centred around God but quite a few are. e.g I scared my mum by trying to dig up our dead cat as I thought I could hear her crying thankfully she stopped me. i hope you remain clean I did some drugs when I was younger I had a major pychotic episode and I realised that I was going down the same road my father did and that was it i stopped cold turkey right there. I hope you manage to find some help to help you remain clean. I have also ruined both marrages and relationships too so i know how hard it is to let the guilt go.