Bipolar Without Medication

My family is very frustrated - I continue to try to manage things on my own (through meditation, diet/omega 3s, exercise).

About 6 weeks ago I had a manic episode that was very scary. I was close to having to go to the hospital because I simply could not sleep! After several days I even tried sleeping pills, but I might as well have been taking a sugar pill - it did nothing whatsoever. The good thing that came out of it is that I have been able to pin down how mania begins for me. For days prior to the episode, I would awaken at 3 am every night like clockwork, and be unable to get back to sleep. At the beginning of the episode, it was actually very, very exhilarating, euphoric even. Despite getting little sleep, I would hop out of bed in the morning feeling like I had been given a shot of meth. But a few days later, the lack of sleep and feeling of helplessness was very distressing - I began to wonder how much more I could take before psychosis began to set in. It was like the switch in my brain that controls my adrenals was stuck in the "on" position. My doctor put me on lithium (900mgs) and I immediately went toxic. It was at that point that I decided to try and manage on my own.

My question here (and I apologize as I imagine it's been asked before) is has anyone been able to manage bipolar disorder on their own? Am I foolish for trying to do this? This was my second major manic episode (the first was 6 years ago), but I am sure that I have probably had smaller one since then.

Lastly, is it true what so many professionals seem to believe...that bipolar disorder, if untreated, will only get worse? Has anyone noticed that their episodes of mania have become more frequent? Is hospitalization at some point inevitable?

Boy, the euphoria of mania can be very, very seductive!

Thanks in advance!

Max

There are a lot of different drugs out there to control the bipolar symptoms. I don't have first ahnd experience in the disorder getting worse but I believe what my doctor tells me. I would work with your doctor to find a drug that works; this make take a few years but I think it will be worth it. Drugs, therapy, and a regular sleep schedule is the best way to control bipolar episodes.

Years un-medicated for me were disastrous. I can't say that it worked for me or that I would recommend it. I know that I won't put myself through that hell ever again.

I was diagnosed as bipolar a few months ago. I was hospitalized. But I wanted to try it on my own, off the meds. I begun to rapid cycle, then ultra-cycle, but I was able to handle both, though it wasn't easy at first. The key is to not let your emotions get the best of you, don't allow your anger to be provoked, or let your mania and emotions reck havoc on your relationships. Discipline and will are key.

I saw my doctor a few days ago, and I told him that I want to try and manage my illness on my own, off the meds. Needless to say he wasn't enthusiastic, and said that I am playing with fire. But he conceded, and I still have follow up visits with him to monitor my progress.

Typically my situation, is that usually by the beginning of the week I have a dreadful low, where I am depressed, and by the end of the week I'm energized and full of life. And as every week goes by, it gets easier and easier to handle. Managing the mania has not been that bad, the depression on the other hand is the grueling part.

But to get to where I am today has been a tough battle, but as time goes on, the more confident I feel I can manage my illness without the meds, and enjoy the fruits of it as well.

Acrobat wrote:I was diagnosed as bipolar a few months ago. I was hospitalized. But I wanted to try it on my own, off the meds. I begun to rapid cycle, then ultra-cycle, but I was able to handle both, though it wasn't easy at first. The key is to not let your emotions get the best of you, don't allow your anger to be provoked, or let your mania and emotions reck havoc on your relationships. Discipline and will are key.

I saw my doctor a few days ago, and I told him that I want to try and manage my illness on my own, off the meds. Needless to say he wasn't enthusiastic, and said that I am playing with fire. But he conceded, and I still have follow up visits with him to monitor my progress.

Typically my situation, is that usually by the beginning of the week I have a dreadful low, where I am depressed, and by the end of the week I'm energized and full of life. And as every week goes by, it gets easier and easier to handle. Managing the mania has not been that bad, the depression on the other hand is the grueling part.

But to get to where I am today has been a tough battle, but as time goes on, the more confident I feel I can manage my illness without the meds, and enjoy the fruits of it as well.

Acrobat - I strongly recommend taking omega 3s daily (I take 1000mgs/day) and learning how to meditate. With daily exercise, meditation, omega 3s, avoiding caffeine (no more than 1 cup of coffee if that), and a regular sleep cycle, you might be able to manage (also, having some kind of support network is critical). It is an ambitious regime, I know, but if you want to try to manage without medication(s), I believe that ambitious is the only way to go. Having said this, everyone is different and we all have to be realistic enough to admit when we need help/medication. Honestly, while I am trying to manage without meds, I suspect that I will need to go back on. I just don't want another manic/depressive episode to be the thing that forces me to make that decision, and hope that you don't either.

Best of luck!
Max

Max E. Mos wrote:

Acrobat wrote:
Acrobat - I strongly recommend taking omega 3s daily (I take 1000mgs/day) and learning how to meditate. With daily exercise, meditation, omega 3s, avoiding caffeine (no more than 1 cup of coffee if that), and a regular sleep cycle, you might be able to manage (also, having some kind of support network is critical). It is an ambitious regime, I know, but if you want to try to manage without medication(s), I believe that ambitious is the only way to go. Having said this, everyone is different and we all have to be realistic enough to admit when we need help/medication. Honestly, while I am trying to manage without meds, I suspect that I will need to go back on. I just don't want another manic/depressive episode to be the thing that forces me to make that decision, and hope that you don't either.

Best of luck!
Max

I should have mentioned that I do have a strong support network, after a long battle, my family, girlfriend, and friends are all supportive of my endeavor. My girlfriend especially has been a great support, believing in me and everything. I refuse to allow any part of me to ruin these relationships, and I believe my will keeps me restrained from being destructive.

Religion is also very important, because it reminds me of the values I am to hold, such as humility, faith, hope, and love. It helps to shatter my pride and ego, and supplies me with people who relate, that seem to be nearing on the line of madness as well.

I've learned to appreciate my depression, because it allows me to reflect and pray. I also appreciate my ups, the rush of emotions and energy that make life a joyful thing to be a part of. I've learned to see my condition as a gift, rather than a curse, and this to me is the most important lesson.

Acrobat - I love what you said about appreciating your depression - the highs and the lows. I feel the same way. We're not a disorder - we're people who happen to be bipolar - a disorder that makes us very unique, and also gives us special ability to empathize with our fellow human beings. Kay Redfield Jamison said the same thing in An Unquiet Mind, that if she had the ability to go back and erase her bipolar disorder, she would not do! She said this for the reasons you stated so well.

I'm glad that you have a support network - that is very, very key. You are blessed!

Lastly, is it true what so many professionals seem to believe...that bipolar disorder, if untreated, will only get worse? Has anyone noticed that their episodes of mania have become more frequent? Is hospitalization at some point inevitable?


I don't think anyone can say for sure that hospitalization is inevitable. However, the psychiatrists I've seen have all been in complete agreement. Bipolar is a progressive illness. It will get worse as you age. And the more 'manic/hypomanic', 'depressive' episodes you have, the harder your bipolar becomes to treat from a psychiatrists perspective. So every high and every low is complicating things.

I have also heard of something called 'kindling', where the brain does in fact deteriorate at a more rapid rate in individuals with bipolar who are untreated vs. those who are taking medication to control their symptoms.

runner4life wrote: Bipolar is a progressive illness. It will get worse as you age. And the more 'manic/hypomanic', 'depressive' episodes you have, the harder your bipolar becomes to treat from a psychiatrists perspective. So every high and every low is complicating things.

I've looked in to this a bit, as to what is meant by 'worse', and the only thing that I can gather is by worse, is that the mania becomes more frequent, such as shifting to rapid cycling, then ultradian cycling.

I've already experienced this, and after the ultradian cycling, I seemed to have started to even out, my moods have become more constant, and more leveled out. And as time goes on the more confident I become about the prospect of handling my illness on my own. My doctor has warned me that I am playing with fire, but I am not content until I try it on my own, and being fully aware that the prospects of doing so are not promising. I don't find what I am doing to be easy, there are days I think I'm walking a tightrope between sanity and madness, and the depression can be quite heavy, but I refuse to give in to the alluring impulses and destructive elements of my condition, or to believe that I can become a monster against my will.

I have also heard of something called 'kindling', where the brain does in fact deteriorate at a more rapid rate in individuals with bipolar who are untreated vs. those who are taking medication to control their symptoms.

The brain deteriorating? Hum, any evidence for this? My understanding of kindling, is that kindling is what makes the manic episodes more frequent. But I'm a living testament of the fact that it can go the other way to, from frequent to less frequent.

But only time will till if my endeavor to manage my condition without the meds is successful or not. If i end up in a hospital, I know that I've failed, but I'm not content unless I've tried to do it myself. I'm going three months strong, we'll see how much longer I'll last.

At least in my experience, worse means worse. As in, I was only hypomanic with severe depressive episodes 10 years ago. A few months ago I experienced my first mixed episode with delusions and such. First time I've truly been terrified - I always found bipolar highs enjoyable before that.

My husband's mother is bipolar 1 as well (I progressed from 2 to 1 with the last episode), and had hypomanic episodes until her late 30's, then they turned full manic. Now when she's manic, she goes into full psychosis.

I've had discussions at length about this with my psychiatrist - she's actually a dual neurologist/psychiatrist, absolutely amazing. But not the first to tell me that bipolar becomes more difficult to treat and more unpleasant as time passes - I should point out, like any other illness would be progressive, technically.

I've seen several articles that indicate that the more mood episodes you have (whether up or down), the harder it is to eventually treat it. It's another of the conversations I've had with the psychiatrists (there have been 4, I have to find new ones when I move) I've had that they are all on agreement with. I just googled it, there's tons out there.

I would like to point out that if your family is becoming upset, it is very much worth it to listen. My brother is currently completely resistant to any treatment whatsoever for his illness, and even though he is a completely miserable person and is draining everyone around him emotionally, he is so set on not taking anything that he has lost sight of what's really important: living. He is breaking everyone around him down every single day. Essentially, watching him makes me thankful that I see I need medication, and that I take care of my illness. Because it is ugly.

My husband and I have a deal, because with my bipolar I know I can't see when I'm losing it. I think it's fun: it is MISERABLE for my family. I don't want to do that to them.

As far as kindling... it was something that I heard about on the MedHelp board I believe? I didn't do a ton of research on it, mostly because I don't plan on testing the theory