Does anyone know what I'm talking about?

I think I have bipolar disorder. I'm 15 and I also have a cousin with the illness. I was thinking about all of the weird and annoying behaviors I have had that have caused me to be withdrawn from life, particularly over the last year or so. I was thinking about all of these little things that I did, that other people wouldn't do or would seem 'abnormal' to anyone else, when it all kind of 'clicked'.

So, I will tell you what these kind of behaviors are, and please can you tell me whether this sounds like Bipolar or not.

I have an eating disorder(bulimia)and have had it for over a year and I have heard that Bulimia has something to do with Bipolar disorder. I thought that all of the 'weird' things that I did were because of my eating disorder, but I can definitely see more of these behaviors matching with Bipolar disorder more than just Bulimia. Bulimia couldn't have just been IT.

My self-esteem can be so low that I feel guilty and unworthy to even be in the same room as anybody else. However, at times I have felt like I had heaps of confidence and energy that I would laugh and chuckle loudly to myself while looking at myself in the mirror because I think that I look absolutely gorgeous and 'irresistible'. This is what I found unusual.

I have lived with depression for over 2 years and it has always been there on my shoulder ready to take a hit at me every so often. At times I was depressed and laughing or happy at the same time, like I was really enjoying a moment and suddenly think of dying-I really hate those moments!

I don't know if I really was 'high' at any time, but I would have sudden, small bursts of energy and I would laugh to myself, talk out loud, sing out loud, act very dramatically, and feel like jumping on the spot or kicking something, like I had a little too much caffeine. Sometimes I have an urge to do something self-destructive for the purpose of feeling a 'rush' like binging and purging, or acting promiscuous and going to some guy I don't know and do 'things' with him, or cleaning or baking or running until I'm too exhausted to function. I love to do things excessively, I don't like moderation-it's too boring.

I daydream a lot too. I think about all these different social scenarios I could have like they are from TV shows. I dream of being rich and famous and I just have 'feelings' that it is going to happen. I think that my family is too boring and I often 'snap' at them and I stay in my room all the time. I like being by myself and a lot of the time I just want to be left alone.

My sister has said that I could be bipolar but I have kept on denying that it might be true. I really don't want to be the one known as being 'mentally ill'.

I am currently seeing a therapist about my eating disorder and I want to ask her if she thinks I have Bipolar, but I just wanted to ask you guys here if this sounds right. I don't know if this is just because of depression? Sorry for rambling on. Please help me if you can.

Thanks

Hi there,

I don't know if bipolar and bulimia are related or not. I haven't heard that before, but doesn't mean it isn't true. Anyway, these problems that you are describing do not come from bulimia. You may have bulimia, and you may problems coming from that, but I'm just saying that I think there is more to it than that.

I am bipolar, so I can recognize and try to look at some of these things, but I can't tell you if that's what you're dealing with or not. I think the best way to go about this would be to list the things that you've listed for me here, and go over them with your therapist. Just say, ya know, these things are bothering me, and I want to know what you think of it.

I will say, though, that after reading this post and going over your descriptions a few times, it's quite possible that you're bipolar. But again, only a doctor can make that call. I understand your fear of being called "mentally ill", but you know, that's really just a term that's picked up a lot of stigma, and it doesn't have to be a label for you. I often say that if you're feeling upset or having emotional issues at all, then you must be mentally ill as opposed to mentally well, just like physically ill and physically well. You don't have to have cancer to be physicall ill. All you need is a little cold. And all you need to be mentally unwell is anxiety, depression, you name it. Bipolar is called a mentall illness, but bulimia has been called that to. Just don't worry about what it's called. Bipolar is a conditioin of your BODY! A chemical imbalance, similar to the one that causes seizures, but this one causes mood swings. So if you are bipolar, don't let the diagnosis get you down. It's best to go ahead and find out so that you can find ways to deal with it. Because if you find out now that you're bipolar, it doesn't mean that suddenly you are. It means that you have been, but you're just now finding out. And if you're worried about family, get some info on it from the library, read up, and then keep them informed so they won't be ignorant about it.

I wish you the best, and just let me know if you have any questions, okay!

~element

thanks. that is a very good way of looking at Bipolar as an illness. i will talk to my therapist about my concerns. my family knows the basic stuff about Bipolar so i think it will be ok. it's just that, if i do have the illness, it might take a while to get used to and to get a grip of.

I have Bipolar Disorder, it is hard to distinguish, bipolar disorder, in an adolescent. Your mood swings and feelings of isolation, are quite typical in your age group. Only a Dr. can truly answer this for you.

cheekygirl02 wrote:thanks. that is a very good way of looking at Bipolar as an illness. i will talk to my therapist about my concerns. my family knows the basic stuff about Bipolar so i think it will be ok. it's just that, if i do have the illness, it might take a while to get used to and to get a grip of.

It may take you a little bit to get used to the knowing. But keep in mind that if they tell you that you are in fact bipolar, then that means you have been bipolar. So it's nothing new. It would only be a name for the what you are already experiencing, HOWEVER I still recommend bringing it up with your doctor because there are medications that can help with it. And just being aware of it may help the both of you to deal with it a little better than you have in the past.

Well I wish you the best of the best!

~element