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Bi Polar Depression Relapse After Breakup HELP!

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Bi Polar Depression Relapse After Breakup HELP!

Postby Shoegaze » Thu Sep 22, 2022 2:18 pm

I have recently broken up with my wife after a 6 year marriage, we have 1 child who is almost 2.
My wife suffers from ADHD and I have Bi-Polar I disorder. We are both on medication, my wife decided to stop taking her medication last year things slowly fell apart.
I left the house to save health and did not want my son to see us argue so we decided to co-parent.

I have since moved back to my parents, my wife became pregnant to another man we both knew who I trusted as a friend for 20 years.
It was 2 months after I left our house and has now had the baby after an 8 month pregnancy.
We have not divorced or completed settlement on our house, we are still co-parenting though I am now having to pick up my son from her new partners house.

She moved on so quickly that I am completely confused, angry, upset.
I am still grieving the loss of what could have been a family with a nice home.

Since the stress of leaving I have periods of Greif and general depression but I have also had worrying Bi-Polar symptoms.

Myself as a coping mechanism found love online (of what I thought at the time) someone from overseas.. I sent some money after days and months of talking.
I even went to the lengths of buying an airline ticket and meanwhile at the same time managing to keep "normal" behavior away from what I thought was a great way of helping someone and possibly bringing them to my country :roll: now I realize I was highly manic (though not psychotic)

Over time I slowly realized the online love was nothing but me sending small amounts of money to a sociopath..
My mind wanted to not believe this though but also I felt cheated AGAIN after what had happened with my marriage, I also felt like all the time invested in those fake emotions online I could have thought about plans with my son in my spare time.

I started doing more healthy things like seeing my old friends playing golf going for walks and enjoying and cherishing the times I am with my son.

I finally deleted the contact of my online "girlfriend" 3 weeks ago and vowed to not contact again after she threatened to tell my wife on Facebook everything I had said to her....I also got a flight credit..

The last 3 weeks though I have fallen into a deep depression much more morbid than usual.
That is why I decided to find this forum and ask for some help to see if anyone else suffers my symptoms in a Depressive relapse??

In the past I have suffered this symptom which can be highly stressful, it has happened after every stressor in my life and sometimes before a psychosis.

I have constant negative intrusive thoughts of almost everything I look at sometimes linking colors to objects then fearing certain colors even though I know it is nonsense.
My thoughts just make up fears for no reason instead of enjoying tasks and just getting through the day and thinking of ideas and having fun as I was, I just feel frozen withdrawn and can't daydream good thoughts and ideas anymore.

A few days ago I had my first panic attack in 17 years all this came out of the stress I think from the past year and too much thinking but at the same time I don't know if it's Depression, OCD or even PTSD??

Please help
Last edited by Snaga on Thu Sep 22, 2022 11:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: move to Bipolar with shadow in Depression, no edits
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Re: Bi Polar Depression Relapse After Breakup HELP!

Postby Snaga » Thu Sep 22, 2022 11:28 pm

Hello and welcome to the forums!

Goes without saying I'm just a moderator, not a clinician- however as a mod I felt that your bipolar diagnosis was a major factor in this, and as such I've moved this to the bipolar forum- but have left a shadow link in the clinical depression forum so that it can be followed to this forum, as it seems this straddles categories.

Depending on how the thread progresses if it feels it belongs somewhere else, the Bipolar mod might elect to place it somewhere else. You definitely have a lot going on and my sympathies. I'm glad you cut off the online love interest, I know people for whom that's seemed to work but I'm also pretty sure the opportunities for abuse are legion.

Since you're on medication, have you discussed any of this with your doctor to see if anything could be done to adjust meds or dosages? At least for the short term, to help you through this stressful time in your life. I don't have bipolar (that I know of) but from folks I know with the condition, well, the people I know, I know they can fall into some pretty deep troughs, but I also have faith that they'll pull out of them. A person has to have faith even when it feels pointless- if I didn't at least act as if my own situations could get better, well, I'd already be lying in a ditch somewhere, I guess.

I didn't notice a mention of being diagnosed with anything but bipolar, but given that you've been taking some hits from intrusive thoughts, it might help to start a thread in OCD centered just on that aspect of it. Not to say it's OCD but intrusive thoughts are an OCD superpower, so that's a good forum to address them, unless Otter (the mod in this forum) thinks they're better talked about in Bipolar. You've mentioned psychosis, but your wording with the thoughts shows you grasp that the intrusive thoughts are thoughts, and not a total disconnect with reality. Thus my suggestion of talking about the intrusive thoughts in OCD, while you also have this thread in the mood forums for the depressive symptoms. Not that you have to do that, it's just a suggestion that I give sometimes when someone has a whole lot of things going on that might do better broken up into more manageable bites. Otter will be the expert on that idea, though.

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Re: Bi Polar Depression Relapse After Breakup HELP!

Postby Otter » Fri Sep 23, 2022 1:58 am

Yours is a very complex and painful situation and I am sorry you are going through it. But I do want to say that I felt hopeful reading your post because you seem to be aware of your illness and the role it plays, as well as needing to do something to try and stay healthy.

But now it seems like you are overwhelmed and the anxiety and depression are peaking. May I ask, having Bipolar 1 and you mentioned psychosis - are you prone to psychosis? In other words, does it take a lot of stress or being off-meds to trigger it? I have BP 2 but a close friend has BP 1. It takes a good deal of depression to trigger their psychosis. And the signs are usually such that she can reach out for help.

Does your psychiatrist work as a therapist as well? If not, maybe it's time to reach out to one. You need someone to help organize your thoughts and someone you can reach out to at a moment's notice. You are in a critical time right now and I am concerned for you. Do your parents understand your illness? Can you talk to them? That's really what you need here. You need to surround yourself with people who understand you or at least treat you with kindness - and avoid the stresses of people who bring you grief.

As Snaga said, talking to your Psych and moderating your meds might help.

As for love online, I am sorry you had to learn the hard way that there are scammers everywhere. Rule one: never send money.

Please let us know how you are doing.

Mod comment. If the OP doesn't mind, this is the right place, if there is a shadow link in depression (meaning, the title can be seen there but it links to this forum).
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Re: Bi Polar Depression Relapse After Breakup HELP!

Postby Shoegaze » Sat Sep 24, 2022 3:12 pm

Thankyou for replying to my post I have a diary of days which I feel at my worst.
I give each day a score out of 10 on anxiety levels I also mention what I managed to accomplish that day and the amount of sleep I had the night before.

As I work from home and like to stay up and work this is a hard thing to change but I will.
Now that I am single and I am in a granny flat by myself at my parents it is not a good place to be alone with depression/anxiety after a breakup though I have told my parents my depressive relapse though not my symptoms, they are quiet overprotective and I am now 37 and an only child so I like to try and keep a distance, but it is a hard time.

I think also I have memories of when my father "also with bi-polar" was going through psychosis here many times when I was very young then myself having 2 episodes in the past here and worrying about "losing it" again.

During the past few days I have definitely noticed that a better nights sleep with a walk helps me manage easier, hopefully this will be a passing phase as I have had this happen a few times, once it was a medication error after a bout of stress.
I will be seeing my doctor Wednesday and I will ask for a medication review I will also give an update on how I am travelling, fingers crossed things will get better
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Re: Bi Polar Depression Relapse After Breakup HELP!

Postby Otter » Sat Sep 24, 2022 11:23 pm

That's a lot of good work you are doing there. Let us know how the doctor's appointment goes, if you care to share.
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Re: Bi Polar Depression Relapse After Breakup HELP!

Postby quietgirl2538 » Mon Sep 26, 2022 1:20 am

Shoegaze wrote:I have recently broken up with my wife after a 6 year marriage, we have 1 child who is almost 2.
My wife suffers from ADHD and I have Bi-Polar I disorder. We are both on medication, my wife decided to stop taking her medication last year things slowly fell apart.
I left the house to save health and did not want my son to see us argue so we decided to co-parent.

I have since moved back to my parents, my wife became pregnant to another man we both knew who I trusted as a friend for 20 years.
It was 2 months after I left our house and has now had the baby after an 8 month pregnancy.
We have not divorced or completed settlement on our house, we are still co-parenting though I am now having to pick up my son from her new partners house.

She moved on so quickly that I am completely confused, angry, upset.
I am still grieving the loss of what could have been a family with a nice home.

Since the stress of leaving I have periods of Greif and general depression but I have also had worrying Bi-Polar symptoms.

Myself as a coping mechanism found love online (of what I thought at the time) someone from overseas.. I sent some money after days and months of talking.
I even went to the lengths of buying an airline ticket and meanwhile at the same time managing to keep "normal" behavior away from what I thought was a great way of helping someone and possibly bringing them to my country :roll: now I realize I was highly manic (though not psychotic)

Over time I slowly realized the online love was nothing but me sending small amounts of money to a sociopath..
My mind wanted to not believe this though but also I felt cheated AGAIN after what had happened with my marriage, I also felt like all the time invested in those fake emotions online I could have thought about plans with my son in my spare time.

I started doing more healthy things like seeing my old friends playing golf going for walks and enjoying and cherishing the times I am with my son.

I finally deleted the contact of my online "girlfriend" 3 weeks ago and vowed to not contact again after she threatened to tell my wife on Facebook everything I had said to her....I also got a flight credit..

The last 3 weeks though I have fallen into a deep depression much more morbid than usual.
That is why I decided to find this forum and ask for some help to see if anyone else suffers my symptoms in a Depressive relapse??

In the past I have suffered this symptom which can be highly stressful, it has happened after every stressor in my life and sometimes before a psychosis.

I have constant negative intrusive thoughts of almost everything I look at sometimes linking colors to objects then fearing certain colors even though I know it is nonsense.
My thoughts just make up fears for no reason instead of enjoying tasks and just getting through the day and thinking of ideas and having fun as I was, I just feel frozen withdrawn and can't daydream good thoughts and ideas anymore.

A few days ago I had my first panic attack in 17 years all this came out of the stress I think from the past year and too much thinking but at the same time I don't know if it's Depression, OCD or even PTSD??

Please help


How are you doing?

I remember my days of severe depression with psychosis involved. It has to be pretty bad to get to that point for me. Depression has different levels of severity. For me, psychosis was pretty bad, such as I need to be hospitalized to become stable again. Comparing my moods to yours, I fluctuated in how my moods would go up and slightly depressed, really depressed and less depressed. Never level, or normal. That to me was an indication that my meds needed tweaking and I needed intervention in the form of seeing my therapist and taking care of myself too like sleeping better with the help of sleep aids. My doctor had me on Seroquel for a short time then later something else. Whatever it is that your doctor prescribes to you, is what you need to take. Asking for help is the first step. Speak up, always, these doctors are good people but they can't read minds. You are worth so much!!! I am very sorry that you are going through so much. Big cyber hug!

As for the online romantic thing. I have a friend who lost over $12,000 to someone she learned to care for very much. There were promises made. She had just lost her husband. She was widowed and vulnerable. She is ok and she has moved on. This happened years ago. You are not the only one. I know her on a personal level. So, don't be so hard on yourself for being human.
“There’s an Asian expression that ‘a burden shared is halved.’"

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Re: Bi Polar Depression Relapse After Breakup HELP!

Postby Shoegaze » Thu Sep 29, 2022 4:56 am

Thankyou for your replys they are very helpfull in my recovery process.
Any tips and ways I can inprove my state I am very very greatfull of :)

I went and saw my docter yesterday and looked at a medication review.
I am currently on the highest dose of Valpro and Lamictal also 50mg Topamax so there is not too much room for movement apart from possibly adding another mood stabliser.

The docter told me to have a think about it as I have improved slightly since my last visit 2 weeks ago, though I am still in a zoned out state.
My docter "and myself" agrees that it is a buildup of stress and my bodys coping mechanism to not deal with any more trauma to then withdraw though at the same time I have a negative outlook on life due to a depression relapse.

I have been keeping up exercising daily "going for 1 hour walks every second day, kicking ball and being in the garden with my son, playing golf, playing drums, still trying to go out shopping (though feeling overwelmed by my surroundings) and working from home (slower paced)

My docter said the recovery process will most likely take 3 months.
I definately feel an improvement because I feel some windows of time that my mind can think of happy memories or drift of again and think of what to do later in the day (which is healthy and feels like a relief) so now my mind does not feel so frozen anymore but I feel it will take time.
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Re: Bi Polar Depression Relapse After Breakup HELP!

Postby quietgirl2538 » Mon Oct 03, 2022 12:55 am

I am glad you got to talk to your doctor.
“There’s an Asian expression that ‘a burden shared is halved.’"

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