Bipolar w/psychotic issues, etc & no psych doc til jan!

Hi, all!I don't even really know why I'm here! I don't even have a question! I'm really just venting, I guess!

I'm going to start with this! I'm bipolar with psychotic episodes, PTSD, Social Anxiety, Panic Disorder & God knows what else that's rolling around in the brain! Now I've had an insurance change last month & I just got the new card & the next appointment, that I can get with anyone isn't until January! My mother, who understands nothing about how things work at the e.r., wants me to go to the hospital, but the second they know that I need an antipsychotic, because I'm hearing & seeing the freaking voices & seeing a man standing next to my chair, I'm off to the hospital again & that only makes me worse! I'm here with my fiance, who is bipolar, too, but not to the level that I am. He does so good with me when I'm like this! Plus my 2 little dogs! I don't leave the house anymore except for doctor's appointments!

I'm sorry to vent here, but since I don't leave the house, you know & it's not like Facebook friends will understand ! My brain is go in like a million miles a minute & they can't get me psych meds, but they can get me to pain management, so I have my Vicodin, muscle relaxers & lyrica, which makes my bipolar worse, but makes the nerve damage in my leg better, so pain Dr says, take it anyway!

Anyway, I'm just yammering on because I'm manic & have been for days & now I'm over tired!

I do have a question, so you think that child abuse, I mean really torcherous child abuse, can break your brain like this? I'm also what they call an empath. I feel everyone's emotions. I'm hypersensitive to everything & their pain hits me like a ton of bricks! When I go into a crowd, I get everyone's emotions at once & the pain is like my heart is dying! I just feel like I want to take it all in & save them all! That's the other reason I don't go out! You know, sometimes I think about it this way, it means I won! My father did his absolute worst to me, my whole life. Things that would give you nightmares, to get back at my mother& make me cruel like him! All he succeeded in doing is showing me who I would never be & making me someone who wants to take away the pain of others, because it hurts me just to know that they are hurting!

I don't know if there was ever a question, but thank you for reading me & I hope somewhere you found something to smile about

Much love!

I do think childhood psychological trauma contributes to bipolar. I think we desperately need psychiatric meds to survive this condition. I take a mood stabilizer Lithium (or Lamictal is good), and an antipsychotic. Also, Klonopin helps me sleep when manic. You don't want to let it get out of control. I'd do whatever you can do to relax as much as possible in the meantime.

Thanks so much! That helps more than you know! I just fall into this void of nothingness at times! A little better today! I'll work my way through it & thank you again for the response! Much love!

I am also bipolar 1/psychotic features (sometimes I wonder if I am actually schizoaffective because I realize I am pretty much always psychotic, regardless of my mood (if not on meds). I just manage to get away with it because I suffer from EXTREME paranoia so I never admit to anyone an iota of the crap going on in my brain. I live in paralyzing fear of being discovered. At age 42, I have also memorized everything not to say or do so I won't get caught and committed to the psych ward. I don't even think I'm personally all that crazy, but I accept that society labels me as such.
I also survived horrific abuse and am extremely empathic so I can relate to the feeling everyone's emotions thing.
My boyfriend is schizoaffective. He has been in the psych ward against his will for 4 months, but fortunately he is getting released by the beginning of next week. As crazy as we both are, our relationship works and we share an intense psychic/telepathic link. My 2 dogs also help me tremendously.
Insofar as having to wait for an appointment while psychotic, i understand. I just spent the past 2 years off meds because they stopped working. I have been on every med imaginable and either bizarre things happened because of them or they did nothing. I managed to enjoy sanity for a number of years and then it all fell apart.

I recently started vraylar and am the sanest I've been in a long time. My best friend who was also bipolar 1/psychotic features passed away suddenly and it was a wake up call to me about the realities of our illness. It could just as easily been me. So, I decided to give meds a go again.

I don't know where you live but is there a walk-in clinic anywhere that will accept patients with no insurance? (I live in NYC so this is an option). Could you call your previous psychiatrist and explain the insurance gap and maybe they could agree to see you and prescribe you something that would get you through until your new insurance kicks in? Could they give you enough free samples of meds until jan? Could your primary care dr give you a prescription? (I went through a time when I did not have a psychiatrist, my primary care dr wrote me my prescriptions).

I know different states have differing levels of access for psychiatric care (NYC is pretty good, all things considered), so my suggestions might be useless. All I can say is just hang in there. One moment at a time. One day at a time. Thank goodness you have your dogs and a supportive/understanding boyfriend. That makes all the difference.