Psychiatrist advised me not read research?

I’m a 25 year old female and have suffered from severe depression for a long time. Probably since I was 16. Some months it was less severe. Around the age of 22 I started developing cannabis-induced delusions, mainly related to social media. At first I thought my ex boyfriends twitter posts about politics and sports were “metaphors” about me. It was mild and I never mentioned it to anyone nor comfornoted him about it. This lasted probably a year. I fricking hate weed. I was still using it at the time.

Then after a period of severe stress and sleep deprivation (I stopped using weed by then) the delusions started including all his family and friends, I was paranoid and thought all their tweets were saying bad things about me, in a metaphorical way. I was severely depressed and put on Respirdal Consta the injection which is an antipsychotic (and tried a few antidepressants along the way) the delusions went away completely after two injections but the depression didn’t go away.

Months later I stopped taking Respirdal because I was planning to commit suicide and the method I planned to use (type of overdose) required that you *mod edit* few months later after I stopped the delusions came back, I was under severe stress I was planning suicide. Anyhow because of the delusions (I thought my reputation was ruined by everyone talking about me on a Twitter) I overdosed. My siblings found me and I was rushed to the ICU and had my heart pumped and used tube or whatever it’s called for breathing (sorry English isn’t my first language)

I woke up for a coma 3 days later. Delusions still there. I saw a different doctor and he dignosed me with Bipolar with psychotic symptoms. He put me in Lamictal (a mood stabilizer) and Respridal Consta, after couple of months my life changed. For the first time in years I felt “normal” I can feel happiness and normal emotions, I feel motivated, have plans, goals, energy (not to the extent of mania but just plain ‘normal’ when I was depressed I don’t even shower for a week and was like a zombie that thinks of suicide 24/7” now I feel stable and content. Everything is perfect. I think I did have hypomania couple of times but this nothing like it. This is normal beautiful life.

I also worry a lot that the psychosis or depression will come back. So I do research every couple of days trying to gather as much info as I can. I came across couple of research warning about the long term side affects of antipsychotic, and that they can actually after years make the psychosis worse. It worried me. Now, everything is perfect. I’ve been on Reaperidal and Lamictal for around 4 months and I wouldn’t change a thing. I wish I stay like this forever. I worry about relapses and long term affects.

I talked to my doctor through whatsapp, technically he’s not my doctor anymore he can’t see me anymore because he now works in a different position or something, but did make the time to see me not in his office hours. anyhow I trust him more than the other psychiatrist I see once every couple months mainly just to refill my meds. I showed him the summary of a 20 year study on the long term affects of antipsychotic use. (I will post the study in another thread) it mainly says that as the years go on people who stop meds have less relapses. He advised me not to read research. His words were along the lines of “I advise you not to read studies. They’re meant to be read by experts because sometimes there are mistakes and complications in the design and structure of the study. Live your life normally and remember you’re taking a medication that is vital for your condition.” I know I’m not an expert but I can comprehend research and do notice any errors in the design etc.

I’m okay with staying on Lamictal for the rest of my life. What worries me is the Respirdal. I don’t mind going to a clinc twice a month for the injection although it’s a hassle. What I worry about is the long term side effects. Any impairment in cognitive abilitiy and the higher chance of relapse.

What should I do? Do you think I should follow his advice? I’m from a country where people are not very well informed about mental illness and not the type that would read research. But I think it’s important that I know what I’m doing to my body and brain.

I also take a mood stabilizer and antipsychotic. The side effects of both are pretty bad. I agree that the antipsychotic has worse side effects. But the alternative is worse (psychotic/suicidal). I would keep reading studies (they are learning much more about Bipolar) but don't obsess about it. Being stable without meds is near impossible so I'd stay with it. You could ask your doc about being on just a mood stabilizer but it would take a slow tapering off and careful monitoring for relapse. If I were going to do it I would want plenty of benzos (klonopin) to get quality sleep and less stress/anxiety. But you don't want to get addicted to benzos either! Good luck!

It sounds like he doesn't want you getting scared and wanting off potentially dangerous drugs. IMO wanting you to be ignorant to long term efficacy and potentially dangerous long term effects is pretty low. Personally I would rebel and research the hell out of every drug he mentions and probably switch pdocs, but that's just me.
I mean we all know these meds can be dangerous long term. It's up to you to decide if you want to take them and be stable right now or not. I've read similar studies about long term antipsychotic use and basically everything I read is "people in isolating societies on meds vs people in places where community exists without meds" so which part of that is actually having a greater influence on recovery?
If you're stable for a while you may (or may not) want to try tapering down to less meds if you're careful and honest with yourself if you need them, obviously going back on them if you decide you need them. I'm worried about long term effects on my health so I'm trying other methods atm. Some people really do need to be on something, but I feel like a lot of people are on more than they need.

Voracious Lemon wrote:

If you're stable for a while you may (or may not) want to try tapering down to less meds if you're careful and honest with yourself if you need them, obviously going back on them if you decide you need them. I'm worried about long term effects on my health so I'm trying other methods atm. Some people really do need to be on something, but I feel like a lot of people are on more than they need.

I know you meant, with doctor's approval. I just wanted to add this to clarify in case anyone might think we are giving out any advice a professional would give. I mean, people can do whatever they choose to do. I don't tell anyone do or don't do this or that, but in reality, it's just a fact that it all falls under our own self, what it is that we want to do. Whether it's to take a med or not to. To follow doctors orders or not.