Stress, anxiety, dissociating, and irritability. *TW*

Hello. It's been a while since I've started a topic, but I guess I need to vent. As the subject says, I have been dealing with all of these the last 2 weeks or so. This is going to be long, I am sorry.

Stress. I'm having a bit of family trouble. My brother recently moved back home after his breakup with his girlfriend. He drinks a lot and has some mental health issues that he does not want to get treated. A couple weeks ago he was having some kind of anxiety attack and was screaming a lot and hitting himself on things. He really freaked out my mom and sister. He went to the store with my sister and nearly hit two people with his car and was yelling at them and threatened [probably too descriptive]. And just a few days ago he got into a fight with my uncle (who was here to fix something). My uncle called the police on him. My mom is really scared for him and my sister thinks he's going to commit suicide. He did threaten to kill himself after his girlfriend broke up with him and even text messaged his 12 year old daughter this. So his ex called the police to go to their house to check on him and he [removing what I wrote as it is probably too descriptive] and they took him to the psych ward. But there's really nothing we could do to help him.

Other things that are causing this is my mom and grandma getting into arguments over my grandma being broke and her will. She doesn't have any money because she gives it all to my uncle. She is putting the house up for sale when she dies as listed in her will, so when that happens, we have nowhere to live. I really want to move out, but because of my mental problems and severe chronic vertigo (I am in the hospital so much I should just live there), I am unable to work and I'm waiting to find out if I get approved for disability. My counselor suggested my boyfriend and I move to the north side so that he is closer to his job but he doesn't seem to think he could afford for us to get a place together.

Anxiety. I usually have anxiety the most at night. I was starting to tremble, my heart was racing, and I was having shortness of breath. I took 2 Klonopin and was doing some relaxation techniques my counselor and I had come up with. And on the day this happened is when the police came for my brother. Plus my mom had started taking new meds and was freaking out and so she came into my room and ruined the tranquil environment I was trying to create to calm down. I've had this anxiety the last few days. And my new pdoc refuses to prescribe me Klonopin and is giving me Buspar, which I am not taking because of weight gain as a side-effect. Those of you who are regulars will know how much I've been complaining about all the weight I gained from all of these damn meds I have been on. Ever since I stopped Latuda and adopted a vegan diet, I have been losing the weight and I do not want to gain it back.

Dissociation. This might sound silly. I am an avid Sims 2 player, and not only do I play the game, but I also create things for it and put them up for download. I frequently get bombarded with requests, and this causes anxiety and stress which I then start to dissociate. Because it goes from being a fun game I use as a coping method and creating things for myself, to being a job. And this is one of the reasons I do not work and waiting for disability.

Irritability. I have been getting quite annoyed with lots of things lately. I stopped using FaceBook because everyone's posts were really pissing me off (incessant political rants and weed smoking). I have also been getting pissed about posts from people in various forums I am in. I couldn't find my towel the other day and got pissed about that. Yesterday I was cleaning up my room and got really pissed about having to move my humidifier because the cord is so short which is plugged into an extension cord which also has my fan plugged in. I know this sounds stupid, but I was getting really mad and cursing out loud. And currently I can hear my sister doing some kind of annoying humming (she's doing something like, "doo doo doo, do do") and I can hear it even with my headphones on and my door closed and it's really ######6 pissing me off.

I've also had a bit of insomnia. Sigh. Although I'm not depressed about any of this, I am not in a happy place. I try to create a tranquil environment in my room and occupy myself with projects to ignore the problems. I'm also having some issues with my insurance which I need to change because my new pdoc doesn't take the insurance that mine got switched to. I'm just so overwhelmed and exhausted and I just don't know what else I could do.

I know this is long, and I don't expect anyone to read the whole thing, but if you did, some support and suggestions would be very much appreciated.

(After proof-reading this, I am getting anxiety.)

Stress: to minimize stress I avoid stressful people and try to be around nice people. When dealing with difficult people, I pretend I am a psychologist getting paid to do it. Smile and nod, don't let them troll you.
Anxiety: exercise and sleep (run fast and lift heavy) and eating healthy food lowers anxiety for me. Milk and beer make me chill out or Klonopin.
Irritability: Noise also bothers me a lot. I would try noise cancelling headphones and happy music.
If I sleep poorly, I cut back on caffeine and take one short afternoon nap.
Meditating and yoga are great if you're into that. There are some good relaxing teas you can drink too.

Thanks for the reply.

About the stress- easier said than done. I spend all of my days at home. And home is what is causing me stress. I don't work, I don't drive, I don't have any money, I don't have any friends... Friday nights are the only time I go out. And when I go out I am often plagued with anxiety and everything around me starts to feel... fuzzy?

I do still have leftover Klonopin, but I won't be getting any more because this new pdoc won't prescribe them to me. I have severely cut back on drinking beer. Things I do to chill out at home would be listen to chill electronic music, light some candles, keep my salt stone lamp on, and my twigs with lights on them. It creates a warm and relaxing glow but I still feel all of the anxiety. And my diet is vegan, so it's all vegetables, some fruit, and things made out of plants. I don't think I have much to worry about in that department.

I probably should start exercising again. I was doing it for a year or so to try to lose this damn weight and it wasn't happening so I got discouraged and stopped trying. It's funny, really. When I stopped trying, that's when I started to lose weight. But exercise is great for mental health, so I should probably start going back to the gym.

I need to start swimming again. I did it on vacation and I love it.

Hi JB,
(I sprained my wrist, so this will be shorter than I would have liked to type out)

It's good to vent and I mostly want to say to stay strong and gosh, I wish you could still take your klonopin because I know it helps with anxiety. Can you try asking for it again and state how you've had huge problems with weight gain? Weight gain can lead to diabetes or other problems and you don't want to put yourself in that position is one thing you can bring up when you see your pdoc. Hugs!

Thanks for the reply, QG. I'm sorry about your wrist, I hope it heals soon.

I probably should mention the weight gain to him. I don't think I did the first (and only) time I saw him. Which is why I am not taking this Buspar he prescribed me. Not only is weight gain a side effect, but it doesn't work like a benzo. It's more like an antidepressant or anti-psychotic that you have to take for 3 weeks until you start noticing any effects. Not to mention I'd have to take it THREE times a day. Screw that.

Hugs back to you!