New here! Please help!

Hello,

I’m new here and this is my first post here. I haven’t been diagnosed as Bipolar yet but it has been mentioned as a possibility. I’m not sure I’d be on board with it though. I just don’t think I’ve ever been manic (happy, full of energy) I have been depressed for many years and have been on so many antidepressants to no avail.

Recently, something has shifted in me. I’ll try to explain the best way I can. I have been married for 18 years. Lately, I can’t stand to be near him. For no reason! Nothing has happened so that this shift could make sense. I have some paranoia going on. Like he’s watching everything I do. It sounds crazy to even type it out. I know it’s unrealistic. I have some pretty bad depression, racing thoughts, insomnia, anxiety. I know something is wrong with me. There is a great deal of mental illness in my family so I’m no stranger to it. I’m not asking anyone for a diagnosis here but I am curious if anyone out there suddenly felt like I do about their spouse, partner, etc.?

I'm sorry to hear that this is happening. I'd like to ask though, how has he been around you? Has he been mean to you? Said anything to irritate you? Do you have any evidence to support the claim that he's doing something behind your back?

On top of that, I'd like to ask if you believe/feel anything, but deep down, you know it isn't true?

You may not know it, but with the racing thoughts, insomnia, anxiety, that sounds like me when I'm manic. Again, we can't diagnose here, but just something to keep in mind. You don't need to be full of energy and happy to have mania. As a matter of a fact, I can't ever think of a time where I had mania and was happy.

Hi Tyler,

Thanks for your response!

There has been an insane amount of stress here. My stress is through the roof right now. My daughter, who is 16 years old has some kind of mood disorder going on. I’ve been desperately trying to get her the help she needs. She accused her father of inappropriately touching her, which boiled down to him pushing her down on a bed and then her running away. She contacted the police at school and then we all went to court over it. She hates her father with a passion. It consumes her. I am trying to keep the peace here. I don’t work so I can make sure nothing happens here while I’m not home. I did work previously and it was complete chaos while I was at work. I know I can’t keep up this constant babysitting of everyone. It’s overwhelming to say the least.

As for my husband and me. I’m not really imagining things. He does watch everything. He will get into my phone to make sure I’m not planning on leaving him. I have left in the past. I feel like he is constantly there. Watching everything I do. Example: I went to the dollar store here and while I was there he showed up to see what I was doing.

I definitely feel like I need a psychiatrist. I just can’t keep going at this pace but then I think about my other kids and what will happen if they think I need to be hospitalized?

The mania that you describe is interesting. I’ve read that you feel like you’re on top of the world. I definitely don’t feel that way. It’s the complete opposite. I’m not suicidal. I’m not contemplating taking my own life but I have prayed for death in the past. If that makes any sense at all.

I know how you feel about your husband. I don't get the paranoia part, but I do get the not wanting to be around your husband part. I've been in a 2 year relationship, and suddenly I don't want to be with him for no reason. My ex, I suddenly got disgusted by him. My ex-fiance I was with for 5 years and and I suddenly stopped wanting to be with him, I can go on and on. And none of these guys ever did anything wrong to me, they all loved me, they were all there for me, they all treated me well. Unfortunately I don't have an answer for this. But I would like to know why I do this, as you want to know why you feel this way about your husband.

About the mania, as Tyler said, insomnia, anxiety, and racing thoughts are a part of mania. But I thought one either has to be dysphoric or euphoric, too. I may be wrong, I'm not a doctor. But I'm glad I have the euphoric kind.

Sounds like your family issues and mental health issues are both separate and intertwined. Stressful situations can trigger mania so try to keep your home life as happy as possible. For a diagnosis see a psychiatrist to confirm. Bipolar Type 2 has more depression than mania. You would be positive if you had a full blown manic episode. More mania is Type 1. There is also regular "unipolar" depression that is very treatable with anti-depressants and/or therapy. A good psychiatrist should be able to help you with your issues.

z7z wrote:Bipolar Type 2 has more depression than mania. You would be positive if you had a full blown manic episode. More mania is Type 1.

This is not true. I have more depression than mania, but I have been diagnosed as Bipolar I. You only need to experience just one full-blown manic episode to have that diagnosis, even if you only have just that one your whole life. There are some cases of Bipolar I having only mania and no depression, too. It varies from person to person.

Same with Bipolar II- some people experience more hypomania than depression.

About the OP- There are 2 types of mania. One being dysphoric, the other being euphoric. The euphoric mania is the one where you feel "on top of the world", which I have. The dysphoric mania is the complete opposite: "agitated, uncomfortable, irritated, depressed, pessimistic and filled with negative energy."

I think making an appointment with a psychiatrist is a good call. Most likely, if you're not a danger to yourself or others, you wouldn't need to be hospitalized (unless you feel it's necessary even if you don't have those feeling).

Jellybeanery,

Thank you for clarifying! I definitely have not had a high, euphoric type mania. I am in a pretty deep depression. I am moody, agitated (the smallest of things set me off). I’m anxious. My thoughts race. My heart races. I’m going to make an appointment with a psychiatrist before I end up leaving for no reason! I’m constantly thinking of leaving, although I’m pretty sure leaving won’t solve how I’m feeling. I’ll just be feeling it somewhere else. At bare minimum, I need to be on an antidepressant and may need more than that. My dad is bipolar. He doesn’t take any medication. He masks his symptoms with alcohol, or at least he tries to. I am beyond stressed out at this point. My mother in law is bipolar and my husband refuses to have anything to do with her. So imagine my anxiety over what could happen if this is also my fate. Our daughter is having mood issues and I’ve been putting all my energy into trying to figure out what exactly is going on with her and hopefully get her treated appropriately.

Thanks again for all your responses. It helps more than you know! You all are the experts!

Michelle

I'm glad I could help.

I also know what you are going through. I want to pack up and get the hell out of where I am at. I've had terrible anxiety and mild depression lately. So I know how it feels, and it is awful, I know.

I'm glad that you are going to make an appointment. Your health, and mental health, is very important, so take care of yourself. I don't have children, so I don't know exactly know how that feels, but I could imagine that worrying about your own mental health, and the mental health of your child would double, triple, even quadruple the stress. I wish the best for you and your daughter, I hope you both find the help you need.