Follow up to treatment plan. . .

OK - So, I have been going to my pdoc for three months. I have been prescribed:
Methylphenidate HCl 18 MG Tbcr; 18 mg each morning, and
lamoTRIgine 200 mg each morning.

I came up with this little analogy this morning:
Maybe I am not in a place to hear advice. I feel stuck in most aspects of my life. I have done for years, with moments of clarity. . .

Imagine being stuck in quicksand. I recognize I am stuck. Because I know it - I do not act forcefully to try and escape. In fact, that's all I KNOW. I know what to do to not necessarily make my situation more dire, and I can act on that, AND I know what to do to get out of the quicksand, but I just can't do it.

I feel I need to see the thing that can pull me out. I look up, and as I am staring (contemplating, searching, etc.) I begin to see what is around to help pull me out. I will eventually be able to reach out, grab hold, and finally move forward. The thing is - I just need help being pulled out. I don't have that, nor have I for some time.

What I do have, is a bunch of people standing at the edge of the sand, telling me what I should do. Most of them however, don't understand the situation I am in, so they just keep telling me to walk out. They'll say, "Try harder, just walk out," with the idea I will be able to just get out of it, without tangible outside help.

Thanks for listening.

Wow... so I take it you previously were on anti-psychotics. I say that because they are known to weaken dopamine systems, to rid people of mania.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Methylphenidate

ADHD and other similar conditions are believed to be linked to sub-performance of the dopamine and norepinephrine functions in the brain, primarily in the prefrontal cortex, responsible for self-regulation functions of inhibition, motivation, memory, and the concentration/executive functions of reasoning, organizing, solving, and planning.[3][4]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lamotrigine

Lamotrigine, marketed in the US and most of Europe as Lamictal /ləˈmɪktəl/ by GlaxoSmithKline, is an anticonvulsant drug used in the treatment of epilepsy and bipolar disorder. It is also used off-label as an adjunct in treating clinical depression.[1]

A little known thing is that dopamine is also highly involved in the pleasure reward function of the brain.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/dopamine

Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that helps control the brain's reward and pleasure centers. Dopamine also helps regulate movement and emotional responses, and it enables us not only to see rewards, but to take action to move toward them.

So you feel hopeless and nothing is making you feel better?

I am no neuroscientist, however, it sounds to me like your brain, the motivation/pleasure/reward part is low functioning right now and hanging on by threads, based on what you've been prescribed.

Have you ever thought about L-Dopa? I've never tried it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/L-DOPA

L-DOPA crosses the protective blood–brain barrier, whereas dopamine itself cannot. Thus, L-DOPA is used to increase dopamine concentrations in the treatment of Parkinson's disease and dopamine-responsive dystonia.

shinshige wrote:What I do have, is a bunch of people standing at the edge of the sand, telling me what I should do. Most of them however, don't understand the situation I am in, so they just keep telling me to walk out. They'll say, "Try harder, just walk out," with the idea I will be able to just get out of it, without tangible outside help.

Just walking out of it, is a long tiresome road, right? Maybe physically and emotionally challenging.

It's true though the more you think in a positive manner, and fight, the more likely you are to increase your positive thoughts. Like exercise for the brain. Neuroplasticity it's called.

What makes you feel good about yourself?

Have you ever thought of listening to asmr or binaural beats? I mean do you feel pleasure from things like music and such? I found those two things highly rewarding, both spiritually, and mentally. However, anxiety was my issue. Asmr has great great entertainment, very different from most others.

Good analogy.
I experienced something similar and just wanted to scream, "Will you shut up and listen to me!!!"

I had to wait until a huge boa constrictor came along and put the squeeze on four people all at once. I grabbed the snakes flailing tail and held on tight until I was pulled out of the quicksand. At that point, I pulled out my trusty boy scout knife and stabbed the snake in the spine, thus paralyzing the snake and saving the lives of my friends. They saw my super human effort as mania and called the police. I was handcuffed and locked up in a Psychiatric Intensive Care Unit. Getting out of there was more work than getting out of the quick sand.


Sorry, haven't got any useful advice.