please help

Hey there. My name's Michelle and I've used a lot of forums before. I just need people to talk to. I need to understand myself, I've tried therapy, so much therapy since I was about 10. I'm diagnosed with way too much.. Idk what is true out of it, or what the doctors just like to sum me up as. I've been told I'm very bipolar, OCD, ADD, ADHD, super depressed, anxiety ridden and a mess. Here's my story, which will probably be all over the place like my life is. When I was little I had obsessive thoughts and nightmares, which grew into racing thoughts and insomnia, which turned into depression, weight gain, dropping out of high school, having the attention span of a fly and draining myself mentally. All I do is think. Think about horrible stuff, think about things that make me paranoid. I'm high then im low. Every single day I'm all over the place. I've tried so many medicines, it made my mania so much worse. I get so aggravated all the time, basically throwing temper tantrums like im a little kid because im so wrapped up in my mental state and the prison of my own mind that every little touch or whisper to me makes me fly right off the wall. I also feel writing this can never really sum up who I am or whats wrong with me.. all I know is I'm breaking. I'm married and I'm young and I sit in my apartment cooped up all day which causes depression, but living in a new city and my anxiety and depression controlling me so much that I can't get myself to leave the house makes me ever crazier. I hope to meet some friends, maybe somebody can help me and I can help you. I help all my friends, nobody truly knows this side of me. I am loved. I am a good, sweet person who people think is healthy and ok. My husband knows this side of me and so does my family since they have all lived with me. I cant get out of my head, i obsess over everything, my emotions are insane and so irrational. I have a cutting problem and I binge on food. I need help. I need advice, I need somebody who understands. Never have I had a friend, that sticks around and supports me who actually understands. I need somebody to be there, to talk me thru this, to help me, to call me, to text me, to be there and not be flakey and to help me. I'm pouring my heart and soul into this because I'm afraid. I'm afraid of taking my life one day when this becomes to much. I HATE SUICIDE and it hurts me to even think this way.

I haven't been on this board for a long time, maybe 3 weeks or so?
Everything I have read here, all questions and responses seem to come from caring, thoughtful,
intelligent people.
Folks that will and do care about you if given a chance.
We all come here for support.
We all come here to know we are not alone.
We all come here because it helps to know that there is someone else in
the world that feels just like we do.
So you keep coming back here and get on the road to feeling better...
I hope I see your posts soon shellyboops.

Michelle we are here to support you in anyway that we can.

I've been stuck in my head for the past three years. I have terrible thoughts. I refuse to go outside except to go to therapy anymore, or to buy cigarettes.

Ifs there's anything I can do for you just say the word.

-Split

Hi - Welcome to the forum.

I'm very sorry to hear that you've been going through so much trouble, pain and instability. There's very many good people here, and we can try to support you as best we can, we're all very caring and we understand.

Are you currently in any therapy or taking medication? I know you've said you've tried it for a long time, just wondering if you're still in it.

- EGD.