Personality flaw and not bipolar.

It finally makes sense.

I have a personality flaw that emerged very early in life and was never addressed. This lead to anxiety and depression over the years, which was also not treated (effectively). The memories and frustration of not knowing how or why created a feedback loop and made things even worse.

It took me 19 years to realize I'm a retarded fish frog and not bipolar. GENIUS!

At least I know now that meds can't treat whatever I have. I should have realized that my desire to be bent over by psychotherapy and rammed was what I should have been doing all along.

Anyone else believe they've been falsely diagnosed and nearly doped into oblivion?

Hi Slither

I cant make a diagnosis or agree or disagree with you about what you think is going on but I can say it is not unusual for ppl with BP to doubt their diagnosis, esp in my experience when they are less well. Anyhow just something to think about.

Take good care

Hugs

Cracked

I think I'm borderline. It makes sense because my depressions are always caused by extremely intrusive negative thoughts and they affect my mood instantly. My symptoms have always been mostly cognitive and rarely behavioral/observable to others. Drugs did not fix me because they can't.
The manias are just stress and maybe a circadian or thyroid hormonal problem.

I thought I was bipolar at the same time I didn't, but I lacked the control to not subtly manipulate the doctors into giving me this dx.

I m cazy

I was clearly in dis-order, so I don't doubt my diagnosis 5 years ago. I was miserable for the first 4 years, and figured it out a year ago.

I did find that personality was a big issue. I wasn't concsious of my true personality. It has a lot to do with self-realization to find your self-identity. That wasn't the only problem. I found two others.

The second problem was that I had not thought about what I want my life's work to be, so I lacked purpose. The third problem was that I didn't have a way to realize my life's work, in accordance with my personality. I found out how to do this by engaging in what I call "life-challenges". I posted a bunch about that on this forum already, but let me know if this kind of stuff sounds interesting.

To sum things up, I think that bipolar disorder is the dis-order or misalignment between self-identity (related to personality), life-challenges, and life's work or purpose. When these three aspects are in alignment, you remove much of the source of disorder, thus symptoms deminish. This is was what enabled me to discontinue medications. As always, I suggest to work with a doctor if you ever plan to make changes to your medications.

I flipped around a lot in terms of what my true diagnosis should be. BPD and Bipolar are often so similar that it's hard for people to tell the difference. I don't think that Bipolar moods are totally devoid of being caused by emotions and thoughts though, many people get triggered into a mood episode by something.

Regardless though of the diagnosis - I think it's good that you are noticing that your mood instability is being caused by certain emotions and thoughts, as that self-awareness will help you with recovery.

I wouldn't give up with the medication however unless your doctors agree with it. It's easy for Bipolars to convince themselves that they aren't BP and don't need medication, only to have that bite them in the rear when they stop the medication. I'm not telling you what to do with the medication, I'm only saying to consult with your psychiatrist and see what they say about it.

- EGD.

Thank you for the responses. I agree with the part about bipolar symptoms being caused by a huge misalignment of purpose and identity. I've always felt something wasn't quite right internally.

I haven't been on meds since May and my Doctor said he was fine with that. I had only slept a few hours when I had made that last post, and something made me really angry and I thought about cutting my throat. I started dissociating again, too, but yesterday I woke up all wide eyed and grinny and everything feels great again.

This is so weird.

You actually sound like you could make a good Ian's book person actually.

Anyone wrote:You actually sound like you could make a good Ian's book person actually.

I just want feel like one person again.

Hi Slither

I think what Anyone is referring to is that Ian Reynir has a book about recovering from BP without meds. I would think he would be happy to talk to you about it.

Cracked