Competency test- definition of honesty when you are bipolar

Hello everyone,
I've been reading this forum for a while. I came here when I was suspicious of being bipolar and was researching it; when I was already quite convinced I had it, but decided I could treat it myself; when it got too much and I booked an appointment to see my GP; when my GP referred me to a psychiatrist; and since I've been diagnosed with bipolar two days ago!

I've been trying to find the time and way to introduce myself, and thought this was a good one:)
I'm trying to complete this competency questionnaire online, its part of a graduate scheme application process. It comprises over one hundred questions like the following sample:

"I am the type of person who:
a) never lets things get me down.
b) tends to be more self-confident than others.
c) is prepared to take calculated risks to achieve benefits of high value.
d) personally generates many new ideas."

For each statement you have a scale from 1 to 4:
1- disagree
2- slightly disagree
3- slightly agree
4- agree

And you also have to choose which statement is more like you and which statement is less like you!
I want to be honest. But I'm finding it hard. What type of person am I? Am I the self who feels so low she can't get out of bed, who sends her older daughter to school on a taxi and stays stuck in the sofa while she lets the younger boys run riot around the living room spreading toilet paper in every corner, who finds a struggle just to keep them fed and warm and clean enough not to damage their health- the self that strongly disagrees with "a) never lets things get me down"? Or am I that energetic self that comes for a period of time, that manages to get to the last year of her degree, takes care of 4 children, is good at solving hard problems in her part time job, faces her household shores, and her financial difficulties, and relationship problems with d) generating many new ideas to overcome obstacles, who can c) take calculated risks to achieve benefits of high value and feels b)more self-confident than others. Or the over energized self, that this summer took heavy drugs, was too sexually inhibited and delusional, and shouldn't really be applying for this job and filing this questionnaire anyway!

How would you answer honestly to these questions? What is being ourselves? Who are we on the middle of this mess?

I am also thinking who will I became with the medication? Will my highs be gone? They have been destructive in the last few years, but before, they were what I defined as myself. I was proud of them. I've been struggling with depression, lack of concentration and bad memory for years, but when dream about getting better I idealize my hypomaniac self that used her energy to excel at work and academically. I was useless at socializing and I knew that, but I was excellent at something! If that will be gone forever, who should I dream to be when/if things get better?

Did you feel afraid of killing who you are if you get better? Are/were you reluctant to take medication? If yes, how did you deal with it? What was helpful for you?

The post got too long, too many questions, sorry.

Thank you for reading this far, I'm looking forward to any input!

Hello !

ssemog wrote:

I am also thinking who will I became with the medication? Will my highs be gone? They have been destructive in the last few years, but before, they were what I defined as myself. I was proud of them. I've been struggling with depression, lack of concentration and bad memory for years, but when dream about getting better I idealize the hypomaniac Sandra that used her energy to excel at work and academically. I was useless at socializing and I knew that, but I was excellent at something! If that will be gone forever, who should I dream to be when/if things get better?

Did you feel afraid of killing who you are if you get better? Are/were you reluctant to take medication? If yes, how did you deal with it? What was helpful for you?

The post got too long, too many questions, sorry.

Thank you for reading this far, I'm looking forward to any input!

First things first, you really sound like someone whose moods push into borderline different personalities and I am the same way. The cool thing is we of course don't have that disorder, it's just amazing to see how much of our personality is ruled by moods. Also, it sounds like a tough quiz you are taking. As it is often hard to analyze yourself when you are in the constraints of a mental illness. It's so difficult that people often mistakenly believe they are ok when they are far from it. My answers to the section of your quiz would be

1. 1
2. 1
3. 1
4. 4

As for, what is being ourselves I think that is a tough question to answer for people like us. I like to start at the fundamentals. What are we? We are thinking beings possessing consciousness and awareness. Our sense of awareness just seems to be a little skewed haha. In the middle of this mess we can be a lot of things. Happy, sad, angry and compassionate. So there is a lot of diversity and it's a good thing.

When it comes to medication, I was very reluctant to take any and really wanted to go without it. However I suffer a lot of psychosis and it really wasn't an option. I was lucky the first time and got on the right meds the first attempt. I found that yes my moods stabilized and my emotions are calm. I found that I feel like a different person and yes that is scary. It's also an opportunity though. You can create a new you that is stable. Isn't that wonderful? In my case I have found the paranoia, hallucinations and memory difficulties I was experiencing haven't left however. So I am somewhat conflicted.

All this aside, I think everything you are feeling is normal and you will have a lot of new experiences coming soon to you. Keep posting and keep us informed about how it goes.

take care and you can always PM me if you ever need someone to chat with.