I think my wife is BP and she hates me! Filed for divorce...

My wife and I have had a dramatic up and down marriage for 12 years. Last year I was in a terrible car accident and she was so caring and nurturing to me during my recovery from my injuries. When I got my settlement check she accused me of trying to hide the money and ended up getting into this "I hate you" state that she gets in. These episodes have lasted for over a couple of months a couple of times over the twelve years. Other than that it's been these sporatic "love you/hate you" episodes that last a week or so and it's back to love you (like nothing ever happened). Well this time, she filed for a divorce and we are approaching our next court dates (December) and I'm afraid that this might really be it. She has hated everything I say or do for the last 6 months. She is so bubbly out in the community, at the school, at church, etc... but at home with me she is this miserable being. We have three kids and she is off and on with them as well, snapping at them from time to time. But by far, I get the brunt. I've tried telling her how much I love her and how much I want to be with her but it seems like it fuels her hatred. Things were pretty good prior to this incident and now it seems like no snapping her out of it. Could an episode last this long? It seems like from what I've read it rarely lasts this long. I would hate for our divorce to be finalized and later on she decides she loves me again. What should I do? Do I continue to try convincing her to stay or just leave her alone until something happens (divorce is final or she turns around)? We are still living together but she has been sleeping in the guest bedroom for 6 months. She goes about her daily routine like nothing is wrong and she doesn't seem to be bothered by the fact that we are getting divorced after 12 years and 3 kids. Could she really not feel bothered by that or is she just an awesome actress?

If she is, you wont convince her of such. Thats like someone trying to convince you your ill, and you believe your not. A better approach would be to tell her you love her enough to go see a marriage councellor and perhaps that therapist much diagnose her problem. Dont try to convince her she is bipolar because your read it on the internet.

Is the love/hate thing usually at extremes? Like she 100% loves you and thinks you're amazing or she 100% hates you and thinks you're the worst person in the world? Because if that's the case, it sounds more like Borderline Personality Disorder than bipolar, being a pattern of idealization/devaluation (though there can be some overlap). There could also be another side to the story, especially if this is unusual for her; maybe you did something you didn't realize was hurtful, or maybe she's just been unhappy for a while and is done hiding it? If it is bipolar or bpd, or probably any mental health problem, pretty much the worst thing you could do is suggest that that's the case, as it would invalidate her feelings. I second the idea of asking if you two could try marriage counseling, going in both together and separately.

To me this seems more Borderline Personality Disorder then Bipolar but I am not a psychiatrist of course. My suggestion would be to try and get her to do some marriage counseling as soon as possible and if that doesn't work then maybe divorce is inevitable I hope you both can work this out, it's a shame to let a 12 year marriage go down the drain. Sad for your children as well.