Hi im new here

hi I have just joined the site because I have a binge eating disorder and I have read all the books and have had specialist therapy which seemed to work for a bit but as soon as I left and had no support and no one that understands i went downhill again, I think by restricting my food for many years and being obsessed with exercise and my weight is why I have ended up this way. I seem to be an all or nothing person, I am either in strict controll counting calories, going to the gym or something stressful will happen and I always turn to food but its mainly sweet foods like chocolate and once I start I cant stop, i never get obese because I flucuate between binge and then watching what I eat but I can gain weight quickly and then I tend to exercise and eat good and then lose weight and it just goes on like this and its horrible, im ashamed and disgusted in what I do but I cant seem to stop, people have said in the past just have a little bit of cake or chocolate but it doesnt work, I have tried everything, without going into personal detaols I also had a very bad childhood and also suffer from mental health problems, a lot of people are aware of bulimia and anorexia but not so much this disorder, they just think we are greedy etc. im not even bothered about food as such its the stuff i class as not realy food! sweets, chocolate etc I can eat the stuff till im ill and then I will start over again later, its got so much worse over christmas and ive stopped going to the gym and feel so out of control with everything, I think I need a friend on here who knows what im going through, I am desperate to stop but I can't

Hi karenmarie

Welcome to the site. I am quite new here too, but have found it useful so far. Sometimes it's just nice to know your not alone with this problem.

My situation sounds similar to yours. I am at a fairly normal weight, but it tends to fluctuate a lot depending on whether I'm in or out of control. I am very all or nothing. Either restricting food or totally going crazy and eating everything, especially sweets and chocolate. My weight is harder to control now because I have a serious injury from over exercising and not listening to my body. If you are using exercise as a way of punishing yourself for over eating, please be careful. Don't make my mistake.

Christmas has also been very hard. It's always the worse time for me. Anyway, it's a new year, new start and we can beat this!

I saw another of your posts about private messaging. I think it is possible, because I've read other posts where people have decided to contact each other privately.

Sarah

karenmarie wrote:hi I have just joined the site because I have a binge eating disorder and I have read all the books and have had specialist therapy which seemed to work for a bit but as soon as I left and had no support and no one that understands i went downhill again, I think by restricting my food for many years and being obsessed with exercise and my weight is why I have ended up this way. I seem to be an all or nothing person, I am either in strict controll counting calories, going to the gym or something stressful will happen and I always turn to food but its mainly sweet foods like chocolate and once I start I cant stop, i never get obese because I flucuate between binge and then watching what I eat but I can gain weight quickly and then I tend to exercise and eat good and then lose weight and it just goes on like this and its horrible, im ashamed and disgusted in what I do but I cant seem to stop, people have said in the past just have a little bit of cake or chocolate but it doesnt work, I have tried everything, without going into personal detaols I also had a very bad childhood and also suffer from mental health problems, a lot of people are aware of bulimia and anorexia but not so much this disorder, they just think we are greedy etc. im not even bothered about food as such its the stuff i class as not realy food! sweets, chocolate etc I can eat the stuff till im ill and then I will start over again later, its got so much worse over christmas and ive stopped going to the gym and feel so out of control with everything, I think I need a friend on here who knows what im going through, I am desperate to stop but I can't

Hi Karen

Your situation also sounds familiar to me. I starved myself and exercised excesively during my teenage years, because I was obsessed with my weight. When I got into my twenties, the stress of work resulted in me turning to food for comfort. But in the end, my bingeing behaviour got out of control and my physical health started to deteriorate. I also suffer with OCD, tics and insomnia which BED has worsened significantly. For me, my weight is perfectly optimum (from a medical standpoint) and in fact, I'm in better shape than most of my other friends who don't have eating problems! The all-or-nothing attitude you talk about has been a major issue for me (not just in eating but with everything else). But slowly I've started to change this part of me.

Fortunately, things are starting to improve. I'm seeing a neurologist for help with other issues but the BED I'm addressing myself.

There is a theory that binge eating is maintained by a habituated response (as opposed to suppressed emotional trauma). Although in reality, it could be a combination of both. So a possible solution, which seems almost too simplistic, is to simply retrain the brain to respond in a different way to the feelings to binge. This behaviourist approach would involve simply replacing the usual response with another specific behaviour.

The above approach did have some effect but I would find that it wasn't effective most of the time because I felt the urge to binge was just to overwhelming to replace.

A different approach has worked for me though. I got this idea after reading about a simple way to overcome any health problem; that is do the very opposite to that which is making you ill. So if you don't sleep enough, then sleep more. If you eat to much then eat less … and so on. I applied this logic to my eating problem and realised that my binging behaviour is precipitated by;
- feeling anxious and tired
- eating very fast (almost unconsciously)
- not planning out what I'm going to eat.

With the above concept in mind, I worked on countering each of the above factors. To reduce anxiety, I would mediate for 5 minutes before every meal and would have a lay down for 20 minutes if tired. During each meal, I would practice slowing down my eating by having two, 3 minute breaks while focusing my mind on my hunger levels (that means no TV to distract your attention) - this had the biggest impact. I made sure I planned out my meals in advance and set my intentions on what I'm prepared to eat right before each meal.

I also realised that I was not motivated enough to change my eating, so I decided to create a slideshow of quotes from inspirational people like Bruce lee, Mandela, Buddha, Einstein etc. Periodically seeing these quotes with pictures from these great people gave me some strength to choose the more difficult path when I wanted to give up. It also helped me to think of my struggles in a more positive way.

I also found it helpful to scrap my obsession with labelling foods as good and bad, and not to be hard on myself if I do binge or overeat. I realised that being self-critical made me feel bad which intern precipitate further bingeing. Furthermore, I had a thing about not leaving food on my plate (something my parents have drilled into me lol), so at every meal, I practice leaving a small amount of food.

I realised that recovery is not over night thing. I know it will take time in order to retrain myself not to binge.

Sorry for rambling on. Hope things work out for you.

thanks for your reply, I have tried most of that apart from the quotes from famous people, might have to give that a go, but I think after all these years im never going to get rid of the disorder, its a permanent unwanted fixture.

Hi Karenmarie

I've just seen your last post. You sound really down. Please don't give up. We can can beat this! I've just eaten so many quality street, i think i may actually turn into one. Feeling like crap and major heartburn. But tomorrow is a new day and a step closer to my binge eating recovery. I just figure if we keep learning, keep trying, we'll get there one day.

Keep in touch and keep smiling, if you can.

Sarah323