Could this be the problem?

I'm at my wits end with my partner. We were together ten years until he dned our relationship two years ago, but he still appears to want to be around me and our child.

He is 40 years old. He cannot seem to deal with any emotional things. It;'s so hard to describe so I'l give you some examples. When our son was small he got hold of some scissors and cut his lip, an accident. My partner, Dave, picked him up, threw himm at me , and went and went into another room and closed the door, he didn't come out until I went in about half an hour or so later to tell him that his son was ok.

I had an operation on my back last year. He gave his number as the emergency number to the hospital but didn't answer the phone when the hospital rang him several times. He only answered when I rang hours after the operation.

If I needed any support emotionally, if I was/am upset, unhappy, angry, anything, and try to talk about it, he looks at his hands and cannot seem to say a word.

Often he will storm out, disappear for two days and then come back as though nothing had happened, once even texting me after two days of silence saying 'do we need milk'. If I try and talk, he runs again,

When our son was really young our relationship seemed to be struggling so I sat with him and said, 'look our relationship seems to be going downhill, and if we don't do something about it, then it will be gone, what shall we do?'.. he refused to say a word. I asked him to speak, he didn't/couldnt.. my daughter came in, I left the room. Ten minutes later I got a text from the other room saying that he'd called a friend of his and he was leaving. He was gone for two months, but one day it was as though a switch had been flipped and he asked me to meet him , and was all over me saying he loved me etc.

This time he walked out for no apparent reason. We had had his parents to a meal and I was tired, I was doing a teacher training course, looking after our son and had a slipped disc in my back. He was out of work, so that was on his mind no doubt, but I asked himj, as he walked out, 'what about the washing up' and he left .

That was two years ago, but he's here every weekend, he takes us on holiday, he wants to spend time with me, but, the minute I need support, he's gone. I am nw out of work, I don't know what to do with my life and am trying to make major decisions for my son, I' have no money., .., you know how it is. I told him all this on Sunday, I was really upset, he jstu sat there looking at his hands. I told him how I felt, how I wanted support etc. etc... he said nothing. My son came in, we spent the rest of the day as though nothing had happened. After my son wsa in bed, as he does every Sunday he said, 'see you Wednesday' and went to leave,. I told him no I couldnt do this anymore, so he jsut waled out the door and slammed it. I havent heard from him since... he didn't come here on Wednesday as he usually does and I expect him to turn up on Saturdeay as though nothign had happened.

He is good with other people as long as thehy don't talk about anything personal. He works as a lighting /sound engineer and is very popular, he deals with the public very well and works with bands all ovewr the place.

We get on really well as long as we dont' discuss anything about why he left, us, me needing support, or anything remotly emotional

Please, is this an illness, a 'get out caluse' or what. Please don't tell me 'it's a man thing', because it's far far more than that.

Sorry to have gone on, it's jstu so hard to explain the situation.

Thank you

It could be a lot of things - from narcissistic PD to asperger's. There is no way to know from what you have written - even professionals will give different diagnoses. Whatever it is though, it is not going to change. That is the way he is. He is not good relationship material. You should get financial support from him because you are raising his child. If he won't agree to that get a lawyer. Let him visit his child but don't get involved with him yourself.

Thankyou Parador. It's a bit late for 'not getting involved' ten years down the line :-/. I'll look into those things you mentioned though.. Even if someone can't change, no, ESPECIALLY if someone cant change, understanding them goes an awful long way to accepting how they act towards you.

Thanks again

If you start asking him for money every time you see him that might keep him away from you. That would be a good thing. Hopefully he won't be a deadbeat dad. Some guys find ways to weasel out of paying.