Where to Start?

First off I apologize in advance if this topic post contains a whole random amount of questions and statements, only my second topic since joining quite a while ago despite coming here every day so have a lot to cover (and not nearly all of it in this). Even though this forum is a safe place still can't help but feel I'm burdening people here or being selfish. (or I won't get much of a response)

Anyways this is kind of a general question. I'm in a stage where I guess typical, but I don't seem to know any definitive answer on where I'm going, how to fix my issues or who I am. I've been going to a psychologist since last spring and it hasn't really helped at all, it's Psychoanalytic and while there's been a few times he's said something that has made me realize something I forget 98% of the session not long after. I've mentioned a few times including last time how I felt like it wasn't really helping but didn't give me (what I thought) was a reassuring answer. Would like to get a new one that does cognitive but I know it's going to be difficult to quit the current one, have tried to last 2 or 3 sessions but chickened out. Any advice with that? It's kind of the worst case avoidant scenario as while I don't think it's helping, I still get to talk about stuff with someone, he's friendly and an overall safe comfortable setting.

I've also had a few negative reactions the last few sessions, last time after getting home I was in a very deep very apparent depression. I can always hide it but just couldn't that day, I've picked myself up (again) since then but the feeling of hopelessness is hard to keep away and where my topic question "Where to Start?" comes into play. Outside of work and guest room at home (mom usually is in with me in my room watching TV, trying to get some space) no comfortable places, ignoring friends calling and yet still checking phone to see if I missed someone's call....ugh as I type this I keep checking other stuff not on purpose taking my focus away from writing this post.

Part of my decline recently was also trying to fix some of my "issues". As I know many people here in the forum experience being in "there heads", though I was doing it intentionally. At work trying to think of my issues and how to fix them, but once you do that enough it drains when it's all your thinking of. In the end of the day nearly a year later I've used a whole lot of brain power and a good amount of money on a psychologist and in many ways feel more conflicted, confused and lost then before it. I'm just not really sure where to start, get a CBT psychologist and? I know this stuff takes time but I need some things to get better immediately or very soon but mostly are things I don't know how to fix. I'm getting less social and on one hand I hate to put all my eggs into one basket, if a new psychologist doesn't help then I'm in trouble.

Plus I'm not exactly sold on certain aspects of AVPD being bad as awful as that sounds. I somewhat like having solitude (and yet I want a relationship), I tend to not do well when I have a small amount of personal space. And I'd love to be normal, half does the other thinks that being normal would be some what boring and dull, even though successful therapy by all accounts I've read would still leave me with AVPD traits but controlled.

There's a lot of other stuff I could write but I'm guessing at this point I'm rambling on, I have half a mind to just exit out of this (though I already saved it in editplus) but just will post, hopefully is pretty coherent. Thanks in advanced to any replies.

Hi, TheWho

It sounds as if you are going through a very existential phase in your life. This is very unsettling and everyone goes through this at some level and at some point in our lives. Did something happen last Spring (like a graduation, a major birthday or anniversary, a change in living arrangement or loss of someone in your life)?

Would like to get a new one that does cognitive but I know it's going to be difficult to quit the current one, have tried to last 2 or 3 sessions but chickened out. Any advice with that?

Schedule a visit with another therapist but do not discontinue therapy with your current one until you have found a suitable replacement. Just reduce the frequency with the current one.

I've also had a few negative reactions the last few sessions, last time after getting home I was in a very deep very apparent depression. I can always hide it but just couldn't that day,

Do you remember what you guys talked about that session that made you feel bad (you don't have to answer, just think about it). Did he hit a nerve or were you sad because you don't feel any improvement?

once you do that enough it drains when it's all your thinking of.

Agreed

I need some things to get better immediately or very soon but mostly are things I don't know how to fix.

Hard to express an opinion without knowing what you are referring to

I forget 98% of the session not long after.

keep a journal. this will help "download" a lot of what is "draining you" emotionally and also will help you process anything important that happened during session (with this or any other therapist).

I hope this helps

Kelahni wrote:Hi, TheWho

It sounds as if you are going through a very existential phase in your life. This is very unsettling and everyone goes through this at some level and at some point in our lives. Did something happen last Spring (like a graduation, a major birthday or anniversary, a change in living arrangement or loss of someone in your life)?

No, not at all, that's the odd part.

Kelahni wrote:Schedule a visit with another therapist but do not discontinue therapy with your current one until you have found a suitable replacement. Just reduce the frequency with the current one.

That's a good idea, I'll definitely do that. I've already reduced the frequency though.

Kelahni wrote:Do you remember what you guys talked about that session that made you feel bad (you don't have to answer, just think about it). Did he hit a nerve or were you sad because you don't feel any improvement?

I think it was just it felt like talking about the same stuff over and over (with no solution to those issues) and he was saying the same things so kind of that hopelessness feeling.

Kelahni wrote:Hard to express an opinion without knowing what you are referring to

heh I was accidentally cryptic there, sorry about that. I guess I was just referring to short term AVPD and life issues like getting my own place or at least space where I can think freely in private, get a few friends or just one at least. While I want more I just need the small stuff like that where I can operate on a comfortable or decently so, level. (if I'm in a good living situation with my own space and could have a friend I think would make going to a psychologist easier, my mind would be better off to boot)

Kelahni wrote:keep a journal. this will help "download" a lot of what is "draining you" emotionally and also will help you process anything important that happened during session (with this or any other therapist).

I totally agree with that. (I have one, but not in there though, I guess I could bring it in) I try to remember afterwards but my mind is usually a mess by then so I can only remember a few fragments, but I can usually remember the general topics.

Kelahni wrote:I hope this helps

Definitely, a lot, thanks so much! It's great to get some feedback, have needed some for a while.

Seems like you are going threw a lot. I find it helps to visit this site and some how take comfort in the fact that you are not alone. There are other people struggling with your same problem and although AVPD make not be curable only controllable I think thats okay. I think it has alot to do with tempermants, some people are just more introverted than others and there is nothing wrong with that. The goal should not be to become extroverted but to simply be comfortable in your own skin. I think switching to a cognitive behaviorist therapist is a great idea, they are focused on action and solutions instead of just focusing on your problems with no forward momentum. So you should definetly move out the house and get your own space, its not an avoidant thing to do, it good to gain that sense of independence. I recommend signing up with a meetup group, they have them all over the place now a days. A sports related meetup is great because you don't really have to talk much just join in the game. Sign up for the meetup, show up and just inform the other people that you'd love to join in. Sounds easy I know its harder than that but give it a try. I would even recommend being friends with people you may not initially consider being friends with like older people, it may be embarrassing to hang out with them but it will loosen you up to being around people. Once you get a hang of it, it wont be so difficult to interact with other people in your age group. I don't know if other people in this site are the same but not only would i avoid interacting with strangers i also had a big problem opening up to my close family members even my mother and siblings. I was not embarrassed in front of them I could speak to them but I would never be emotionally honest, like if i was depressed i would never disclose that information, seemed way to personal , made me feel weak. So I would suggest trying to be more open with your mom at least start there. Tell her you want to move out and get your own place that you need to feel independent and that it is very important for you to do that right now. If she is emotionally stable try sharing more personal things about your self I think it would help to be emotionally connected to at least one person. Baby steps I guess, as long as you keep moving forward that way you wont let the depression beat you.

Completely agree with you all. Follow a CBT. It's the one I found moré useful. I tried psychoanalisis but I also had an urge and It didn't help.
It took me moré than one psychologist to be in the point I am so be patience. Hey, the new therapy can work. Open yourself as much as possible to your new psychologist. Be sincere, even when it is hard.

I tried psychoanalisis but I also had an urge and It didn't help.

I don't want to pry but I'm not sure I understand what you mean by that?

Understand on the patience part though this is an area I don't have too much control on it. I called someone up who does part CBT so going to give him a try and see how goes, has a website so makes it easier being able to look up info on him beforehand.

Limelight you have a few great points too. Though I am okay with not being extroverted and I think I now understand that I can't really be cured, but being comfortable in your own skin is a great point, hadn't thought of it in that term.

Moving out of the house isn't an easy scenario or I would of done it. I work 40 hours guaranteed and while it would be kind of tight, could afford living on my own. But my mom works 17 hours a week so no way she could afford even the rent right now. I still should say something though, but she puts off looking for a job even though she feels guilty about me paying bills. And while I'm not super OCD I still am having a difficult time operating in the situation as she's the complete opposite of neat. Ah enough ranting.

Meetups is another great idea, that thought hadn't crossed my mind at all though I'm not sure exactly how to get in one but I'll check it out. Can't guarantee I'll be doing it right away though.

I have a semi-friend that's about 10 years older than me, so is my boss. (who is a semi-friend too) I'll give that a shot, he definitely seems easier to talk to than my other acquaintances and people my age.

I've been trying to share with her but of course it's not easy though I know it's a good thing it's just not easy telling someone non-avpd about stuff of course you all know, since it kind of feels like your typing into a computer. It knows the words you're saying and what you mean, but can't actually understand.

Just wanted to say thanks so much to both of you, twistermind, limelight and Kehlani for your guys feedback I appreciate it a lot, hopefully I can reciprocate sometime when of you guys makes a thread that I can help with.

thewho wrote:

I tried psychoanalisis but I also had an urge and It didn't help.

I don't want to pry but I'm not sure I understand what you mean by that?
.

I was desperated. I felt I went nowhere and a friend of mine, my boss, twenty years older than me, recomended me a psychoanalistic who he knew and he told me was really good.
From the beginning of the therapy I saw how long it will last and how it won't help me in day-by-day The doctor took notes while I was talking and talking and he didn't say anything. I wanted a tangible change. I need it.

I see psychoanalisis as a technique to go to the root of your problems but what to do when you arrive there. What you do with a personality who is set along the years. I think CBT is the most appropiate therapy to deal with personality disorders. So I encourage you to follow it.

I mentioned you my boss because before I could open myself to my own age people, I got very close to a group of cooworkers who became my friends, the best friends I had always. They aré all 15 or 20 years older than me. My boss is as my father. They aré really fine with me.