Wierd thoughts/feelings

Hey,

Lately I've been thinking about myself and how my wants conflict with the boundries I put up around myself. The thing that really bothers me about this is the thing that I really want, and that happens to be a girlfriend. I basically know what goes along with having a girlfriend and almost everything that does conflicts with my personal "needs" I guess you could call them. First of all I don't like being touched, whether its through clothing or skin to skin, I hate the thought of it. It feels like such an invasion of my personal space/privacy. Second of all I don't like the idea of showing such intense emotions out in public. Including holding hands and kissing (which disgusts me anyways...putting my tongue in someone elses mouth and they put theirs in mine? seems rather disgusting...). Thats basically for that I suppose. My question is: is this normal? Thoughts, opinions, advice are all welcome.

And then I have this other tiny problem, well actually 2 in 1 but here it is. I seem to have this intense hatred for all people about 80% of the time. During these times I don't like being around other people, let alone talking to them or associating myself with them. The only exception to this is if the person is a girl/woman. I don't know if this could be considered sexist but most of this hatred is aimed towards men, and all men too, the only guys that escape my wrath are my 4 or 5 friends at school that happen to be guys. The opposite holds true for girls/woman. I let myself become attached to a girl that I'm around a lot. To pt it simply: Men disgust me, Woman make me happy and I really enjoy being around them (well as much as I can anyways, my anxiety kinds of gets in the way of my being able to fully enjoy it...). Second question: I know this isn't normal but is it in anyway connected to AvPD?

And last but not least: I never know what to say to girls...and I'm not exaggerrating, I say maybe 1 or 2 lines of normal chitchat and I run out of things to say. All I can every think to say are innappropriate things, once again not sexual. I just want to compliment them on their eyes, and their hair, skin tone etc, etc...For some reason thats all I can think of. In my head I should be bowing down before such beauty and satisfying their every need, in a way I guess I think woman should be worshipped. So any thoughts?

I know a lot of that is wierd but a little help would be nice.

Thanks.

i can relate very much to the first paragraph - i feel pretty much the same. the rest im not sure about...the man and woman thing - maybe it relates to the relationships you had with your parents?

I too have had a lot of the same feeling or thoughts that you described. I would also like to have a girlfriend(or friends for that matter) but dont think i could deal with all that comes with a relationship. The touching thing you mentioned, i can really relate to. I guess i just not a "physical" type of person if that makes any sense.

I also feel the same way about men and women. Most of the time i would rather not talk to anybody but if i had to i would rather talk to a female anyday. I just feel more comfortable. I have always had a hard time relating to males and have a strong distrust of older males. Im pretty sure these problems of trusting or relating to men stems from the abuse that i had to endure when i was a child.

Yeah, I've got the 'dislike of physical contact' thing. It's true - it is like I'm being 'invaded'. I never initiate physical contact, and it takes a lot of willpower not to flinch when it happens (that could send out a message that's wrongly interpreted). I've been like this ever since I was a baby, or so my mother tells me.

I don't hate 80% of humanity, but I've found that most people behave better towards you if they're on their own. With every additional person around, the more chance they have of picking on the person who they perceive as the weakest in order to show others how great they are. I don't have a wonderfully positive opinion of other men ( my father and my brother were responsible for a lot of the pain I've suffered), and women in general seem more sympathetic even if they don't really understand.

For me, relationships are like alcohol. I want it even though I know it's not good for me. I don't neccesarily have a fear of rejection, just the almost absolute certainty that I will be rejected, so why put myself through it. Example - a few weeks ago I got a new cellphone and offered my number to a couple of women who I'd had reasonable conversations with (ie lasting more than 5 minutes), you know - just to be sociable like the people in group therapy say I should be - not because I'm seeking a relationship with them (all though I am in love with one of them, but I know she'd never want me that way). I'm sure you can guess the results - delay and then disappearence. They spared my feelings just enough not to say a flat "no", but it still hurts.

It's not weird, just the truth.

Oh, and I'm new here, so "Hi" to everyone.

Only 80%? But then, you like women.

As for being touched, I hate it when people touch me. I hate it when people are within 3 feet of me. Makes my skin crawl.

Also, speaking is bad. I don't want to talk to people but I feel like it's expected of me. And then they talk back of course. That's where I get lost.

you want to "compliment them on their eyes, and their hair, skin tone etc, etc"
thats sounds good to me. compliments are great! your girlfriend is lucky to have you.
also, i think eye contact is worse than physical contact...