Dwight

by AlAtBar » Sat Aug 20, 2011 12:34 pm

I love your attitude, Dwight, and the encouragement you give to others here. We are very lucky to have you here. I'm curious. Are you avie yourself and, if so, how far along the road to better are you?


No, I'm very lucky to have you all here AlAtBar

I control Avoidance because I understanding it.. but it wasn't always like that, I remember seeing a note from the Pysch to the doctor "Dwight, has now Spiralled out of control"
During that prior I was medicated because they thought I was severely depressed and when my wife & kids left and my friends gave up they up the dosage, hence the note.

Somehow I dug myself out of that hole (though it took a long time) and once I had done this I gave back with what I knew.
I have always been intutive to what people need, hard to explain- not by what they are saying but what there not (hopefully that kind of makes sense)

With that I helped anther Avie (I was on another forum) to understand to control his avoidance.
Took about 6 months and last year he celebrated his control over avie by taking a interstate trip.
He sent me an email of thanks that brought tears to me (tears in my eyes now thinking about it)

If you gave me someone with depression I wouldn't have the answers that they need, Give me Avoidance and strange as it sounds- it feels like a endless supply of knowledge

Once you understand avoidance, you'll realise its the best Disorder to have

Your wife and kids left you? Damn that must've been a hard period in your life

*HUGS*

It's good to hear that you didn't stay depressed forever, that you managed to stand up again and move on.

Dwight wrote:Once you understand avoidance, you'll realise its the best Disorder to have

True!

Without avoidance I don't think I would've been a better person, probably ended up like most people: selfish and inconsiderate to people in need.

You're simply marvellous. One of the things I have learnt reading your posts and that called my attention not only because of WHAT you said but also HOW you said it, is the issue about the first thought that arrives your mind is not you, on the contrary, it's your avoidance talking. "listen to it, in order to recognise this voice and tell it go away"
Thanks, Dwight!

twistermind wrote:You're simply marvellous. One of the things I have learnt reading your posts and that called my attention not only because of WHAT you said but also HOW you said it, is the issue about the first thought that arrives your mind is not you, on the contrary, it's your avoidance talking. "listen to it, in order to recognise this voice and tell it go away"
Thanks, Dwight!

I totally agree.

Dwight, thank you for sharing your story. It makes me feel very hopeful! Keep being awesome. It's true too, learning to talk back to "Avie" and other demons makes life soooo much richer.

Thanks so much with sharing your story with us, Dwight. It's nice to know some personal things about the people on the forum, I think it brings us all a little closer and we can often relate.

You really have been a hero to many of us on the AvPD threads.

I first met Mr. Avoidance in the door way of a coffee shop, yelling at me.

Some how I defaulted him (not knowing at the time)telling myself "why can't I have a coffee as its an everyday occurance.

I brought my coffee then came the afterthoughts, which took me apart, basically Mr. Avoidance wasn't happy with me and wanted full control back.

Some time later I looked back at what happened with out the emotion not as an Avie but as a doctor.
An Avie looks at a problem with emotion, with this happened to me and that etc.
A Doctor would look at the same problem with the view that this happened becuase- logically and with out emotion.

I questioned the difference between An Avie and a normie.
Normie doesn't have the build up prior to..... doesn't have that voice in their ear.
Two seperate identitys.

The first feeling/emotion/voice is allways going to be Mr. Avoidance
Great, I have pin pointed him and he is very reliable.
I saw two decisions that had to be made one automatically (Mr. Avoidances) followed by mine.
Default him, step around him with my decision.

Then came the thoughts trying to get me out of.. .in this instance the coffee shop
I Went back and defaulted Mr. Avoidance in the coffee shop with a solid reason such as "I'm buying a coffee"

After thoughts is the avoidance trying to regain control over you.
If you stop and listen to Avoidance you will get dragged back and emotionally beat yourself up.
And Mr. Avoidance is very clever at getting you.
The defence is to move your thinking to something else.
Very, very important to stay calm for as long as you can for as soon as you let avoidance in you get dragged under again.
Yes avoidance will pull you down very fast, but if you know that by staying calm for as long as you can you are building a threshold and Mr. Avoidance has to work all that harder to reach you the next time.

After a few months this became second nature, but prior to that you really have to work at it putting the four steps in
Listen the Avie- default him- give yourself a solid reason to be there-stay calm for as long as you can.

Hopefully this can change someones life.
Dwight

Wow Dwight your posts are really inspirational, especially with the "it's the best disorder to have" part, I guess every cloud has a silver lining lol.

Regarding your coffee scenario, I agree that your approach is a good one. But getting coffee is still a sort of solitary activity though and you have all the time in the world to do it and no one's really watching you or anything. (I actually have no trouble getting coffee right now so maybe I didn't have it as bad as you did) But what happens if you're talking to someone and doesn't have time to think of reasons to tell Mr. Avoidance to f*** off (also they're looking at you)?

Sorry to hear about your wife and kid. Congrats on overcoming this demon though, that must have taken a lot of skills and determination.

G'day d,

Yes, granted it was a solitary moment, but that's where I was at in my life

Before we can learn to deal with people we have to learn how to deal with ourselves
From then on I became selfish- not in a bad way, just to focus on me.

Over a period of time a natural progression occurs where you go from focusing on yourself to allowing people in.
In the early stages it will be letting people in under your rules... treading lightly so to speak.

Good question d
Thats why you become self and focus on youself.
You will get caught out "like you said with people coming up to you" hence the importance of being selfish- learn who you are as a indivual in social settings in controlled enviroments first.

I'm going to edit this as I'm not sure I totally answered your question.
During this self focus time, you are learning ways to approach every situation; Your putting into place solid reasons why you should be there (validating) also your aware of possiblities and slowly learning how to deal with them.

The possibilites are that someone will talk to you.
So before you have even walked in, Mr. Avoidance has already laid down the law.
This is when the default starts- long before a person starts talking to you, usually on arrival or acceptance of an invitation.

Like prepping yourself for a meeting, you know what you have to do because you have already gone through all the actions and prepared yourself.

Dwight

Dwight, you definitely stand out as one of the most compassionate and helpful people here. Your optimism, even after what happened to you, is incredible. Glad to have you here

Interesting! For me, without doubt what you describe is the ABC to learn how to deal with the disorder. I have been defeat by Mr Avoidance but I've been living in a status- quo with it for two years. I can't say I ever beat it but I think I will get it.
I think it's important that we daily take our best weapons to be ready to combat it.
Perseverance is pretty important and this is one of my main flaw.