Avie Guys Taste in Women

I've been wondering what avies guys taste in women is like in general. I am wondering if, because we are so fantasy prone, we put too much emphasize on looks rather than considering other criteria. I know I've generally only pursued the really good looking women. I'm not sure if that is a personal idiosyncrasy, possibly related to Narc traits, or if avie guys, in general, are too much in fantasy land looks-wise when thinking of what kind of partners they would like to have.

For me it seems that how attractive I find someone physically is not independent of how I perceive their mind and personality. There are certain types of personalities and... attitudes, for lack of a better word which I find unpleasant, and I will simply be unable to see such a person as physically attractive no matter what they look like.

The "other criteria" are absolutely critical for me.

For me it was more like the "other criteria" all had to be there too, but they also have to be very physically attractive. If they were only average, I won't bother finding out much more in the first place.

So maybe a better way to ask it is, would any of you avie guys get interested in women who were just average or even lower lookswise, or was it always the very above average looking women you were interested in?

AlAtBar wrote:So maybe a better way to ask it is, would any of you avie guys get interested in women who were just average or even lower lookswise, or was it always the very above average looking women you were interested in?

I can't say that would describe me - I don't think I've always only been attracted to very above average looking women. Of course, looks are extremely subjective too. For me though I would say it is more based on personality and the type of relationship I maintain with them/how they interact with me.

Looks are very important to me. There's no way I can pretend they're not. And I'm afraid this problem, and in a way it is, might actually be getting worse.

The girl from the forum was really stunning, but if I thought she was stupid or we had serious ethical disagreements than I would have lost interest. Just being good looking is not enough. I thought she was smart and independent minded. However I wasn't exactly amazed at her knowledge or cultural sophistication, though in time it's possible I could have been. What I really liked is that she seemed to appreciate my knowledge and insights, though she often said she didn't have anything she could contribute to what I had to say. She told me specifically she liked my brain, though I don't know if she had any interest in any other part of me. Still, if she were average looking, I would have lost interest, and I also wouldn't have contacted her in the first place.

In college there was a girl I was quite taken with for a while. She was average looking but very intelligent. But when she rejected me, actually I was relieved at not having to worry about it anymore. With this girl rejecting me, as well as at the end of the basketball girl fantasy from high school, I cried quite a lot.

I'm generally interested in happy, semi-shy, and good looking girls. It's really a mix. Since there's so few of these types of girls, they usually stand out of the crowd for me and I notice them instantly. Too bad a relationship will probably never happen

AtaBar,

There is two different "what we want"
One is she must be this and must have that.

The other will be- she can save me and can bring out the person within.

Dwight

AlAtBar wrote:I've been wondering what avies guys taste in women is like in general. I am wondering if, because we are so fantasy prone, we put too much emphasize on looks rather than considering other criteria. .

LOL isn't this all guys? I kid.

I am an AVPD and I have all kinds of male fantasys but never really good looking guys. In fact they scare me. Even in the fantasy level. If a guy is too good looking... I know they are going to have women after them for their entire life. So why would I subject myself to that? I personally feel that there are certain women that live their whole lives to *get* a handsome man and will do anything for it. My brother has a friend who is amazingly good looking. His wife is too. He is actually very kind and I think likes me... (as just a friend) but I can't even maintain a conversation with him because his wife is so obsessively protective she will get in the middle of the conversation. I feel bad for him. He is literally trapped. She makes it known, I worked for him, he is mine.. don't talk to him. Geeze...

That said, I look for guys with potential. If it turns out that you "value what I value in the way I value it" sometimes I can't even see what you look like.

So my only suggestion on the looks is (1) if you get a good looking woman, are you always going to be scared that she will stray? and (2) if you find a woman who is only ok... does she have potential. I mean, like in every day life I don't look that great.. but I can kick it if I want to... so ... maybe this is way to go. Look at ugly women and try to see if they have potential.

I'm getting better as the narc traits and avie'ness subsides, but still not perfect. Now I can get interested in average, or only slightly better than average looking women and I want to know more about them. Thinks it's more about being accepting of and engaged in reality as opposed to living in the fantasy world, which I OD'ed on, anyway.

Yes, I suppose it's possible I could become overly concerned that she'd be faithful to me. And all the male attention she'd receive while perhaps flattering in a way, could also become very annoying.

I've never really had a female friend, with the possible exception of fifth grade. The girls I've known from school and work since then are nothing more than acquaintances. While I have a friend who is very comfortable with casual conversation and meeting people, I am not, at all. I need to be around people a very long time before I am comfortable with them.

The girl I had been writing to was not very active on the forum. I knew very little about her before I first wrote her. To be able to just write someone out of the blue I need to be very motivated. And this girl's appearance was very motivating.

Even so it took me two weeks to build up the courage to write her. If I just happened to see an attractive girl in the grocery store I couldn't just walk up to her.

On forums and chats most of the time I won't know what the other person looks like. What someone has to say definitely can be attractive, but without having at least some visual attraction, I don't think I can do that.