Avie Guys Taste in Women

Hey, I feel left out... What about the females and gay men?

I have problems being attracted to men in real life... Probably because I'm super picky and know none of them could ever fit my standards. I don't think it'd be fair for either of us so I avoid men completely. I've always been attracted to the brooding/thinking type, on the dark side but with a sense of humor and a heart of gold. Really, being able to laugh is a big deal. I can't stand it when people are serious 24/7. There are obviously some other things that would be required but I don't feel like listing everything.

With women I am more open to different looks and personalities, I don't have the same idealization, probably because I'm a girl too and just naturally feel closer and like I can relate to them. They are much more 'real' to me while I still see guys as sort of alien since I have no experience with them and think they are constantly judging or evaluating me.

Now, you may say, PSH, these people DO exist! Maybe... but are they asexual? That's probably my biggest obstacle, I have romantic attraction and appreciate physical beauty but don't really have the urge to have sex, I find the idea a bit disgusting actually. (A definite deal-breaker for say... 99% of the population?) I've just accepted the idea that I'll be alone forever, it doesn't bother me much most of the time as I think it makes life easier but there are moments I feel like it'd be sort of nice to have that special someone.

PatronSaintHunter wrote:Hey, I feel left out... What about the females and gay men?

Well, I was thinking of my own specific "problem" as it were, and I know men and women do think somewhat differently in terms of what are the most attractive qualities they tend to look for. I think men place a much greater emphasis on apperance than women do, and women place a much greater emphasis on confidence than men do.

Still I think all avies are prone to "fantasy" and I think this is worse for some PD trait combinations than for others. The end results for both men and women often seems to be insisting that everything be perfect otherwise they find an excuse to avoid. (OTOH I can see avoidants who also had DPD latching onto anyone just so they would never be alone.)

I'm sure the fantasy/insistence on the ideal tends to manifest itself differently between male, female avies in terms of the ideal, fantasy partner they are after.

PatronSaintHunter wrote:Hey, I feel left out... What about the females and gay men?

I have problems being attracted to men in real life

With women I am more open to different looks and personalities

I'm a girl too

So .... you're bisexual?

Or am I reading wrong?

AlAtBar wrote:I know men and women do think somewhat differently in terms of what are the most attractive qualities they tend to look for. I think men place a much greater emphasis on apperance than women do, and women place a much greater emphasis on confidence than men do.

lol I put a lot of emphasis on looks but appearance doesn't mean much without a good personality. I like shy guys and find over-confidence is just irritating... A medium amount of confidence is good too but not really a priority. So I suppose I'm more like the typical man in that regard?

shnbwmn wrote:So .... you're bisexual?

Or am I reading wrong?

lol No, you're reading right, I'm attracted to both men and women but I don't really identify as bisexual, I guess I'm more bi-romantic?

I dont put much thought into it, because iv only had women that i was not attracted to show even the slightest interest in me. Unless there is a fetish im not aware of, where women find guys who are losers, simply irresistible. Other than that i would say its pretty hopeless. Darwinism at its best i guess.

Listener wrote: I am not, at all. I need to be around people a very long time before I am comfortable with them..

This is why I finally gave up the dating websites for real. On them there is just no way to really evaluate someone except for looks, even the people that fill out their own evaluations may not really know who they are and what they want. It seems to me you have to find the person who complements you first, and then rule them out on looks. Of course, as an AVPD, that means I will be alone forever.

I think the best way to meet someone is through shared experience. I think that is why so many romances start at work. You have to see the way people react over an extended period of time... the little things.

PS listener, how do you know this woman was really this pretty... I admit to using MUCH better photos of me on those sites. Don't judge me. Maybe she said she wasn't interested cause she didn't want to meet you and have you find out. Yah totally have done that.

No, I am definitely not too interested in using a dating website again. It is very artificial and just awkward.

Again, I did not meet her on a dating site but on another forum. I knew beforehand we had at least some things in common. I received about 70 messages from her.

Yes, some photos can be more flattering than others. I saw about 15 photos of her. They ranged from attractive to astonishing.

I've also noticed my perception of how attractive I find someone also varies a lot based on my relationship with them. I may find someone not to be the most attractive in my eyes at the beginning, but eventually that seems to fade if I grow a strong attachment to their other aspects.

Physically - I love wide hips, narrow waist and a big butt. A good smile is also a killer. I'm not fussed about height, weight, age, ethnicity.

This is over written though depending on the personalitiy. I basically like women that are open minded and don't follow the crowd. Women that are free spirited, a bit of a hippie, a little weird or have an odd way of thinking I'm attracted to aswell.

The only problem is that when ever I have come across a woman like that I automatically presume I'm not good enough so I dont bother going after them.

tlepS drawkcaB wrote:Physically - I love wide hips, narrow waist and a big butt. A good smile is also a killer. I'm not fussed about height, weight, age, ethnicity.

This is over written though depending on the personalitiy. I basically like women that are open minded and don't follow the crowd. Women that are free spirited, a bit of a hippie, a little weird or have an odd way of thinking I'm attracted to aswell.

The only problem is that when ever I have come across a woman like that I automatically presume I'm not good enough so I dont bother going after them.

Took the words right off from my keyboard. I feel the exact same way.