Centre for Clinical Interventions

For those that might be interested here's a site with some helpful info:

http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/consumers.cfm

Thank you, Rusty. The free moduls or information that they offer may be really useful. I already followed the principles of CBT (Cognitive- Behavioural Therapy)...let´s see....three years ago but it could be good doing a review.
Thanks again and nice to see you posting again.

Hi Rusty,

How are you doing these days?
Thanks for the link.

Well wishes,

Evol

twistermind wrote:Thank you, Rusty. The free moduls or information that they offer may be really useful. I already followed the principles of CBT (Cognitive- Behavioural Therapy)...let´s see....three years ago but it could be good doing a review.
Thanks again and nice to see you posting again.

Hey there TM! Nice to hear from you as well. There's some helpful info there on that site no doubt. Sometimes going over something again has more impact than the first time around. Depends on one's journey I suppose. Sorry for taking so long to respond to you. Hope things are going well for you.

Best regards,

Rusty

Evol222 wrote:Hi Rusty,

How are you doing these days?
Thanks for the link.

Well wishes,

Evol

Hey Evol,

Thanks for asking. I'm doing pretty well these days. I "fell off the wagon" so to speak late last fall. I had just gotten a good job earlier in the summer but after a few months I just couldn't make it work for me so I ended up quitting. I got really down on myself so not long after that I fell back into depression and became suicidal again. So after a month or so of that I said screw this and sought out therapy once again.

I'm glad I did as its helped put me in a place within my own head where I feel much more comfortable about being myself. I still have some things to work on but hey, doesn't everyone, AvPD or not?

If you or anyone else cares to read here are a few things that has helped me along the way so far:

1. "Living in the Now". Sounds corny I know but I found it quite helpful. Basically, stop worrying about tomorrow and live in the moment that is currently taking place. Most times my mind was always either in the past or in the future worrying about stuff. Just letting go of this worry by making a strong effort to live in the present moment helped me quite a bit. It takes a fair bit of discipline at first but I found it gets easier with practice. As my therapist told me, the past is gone, it doesn't exist anymore, the future hasn't happened yet so it doesn't exist either. The only reality anyone really has is right here and right now. Look for some good in that, no matter how small, anything at all really. Maybe petting a dog, going for a nice walk, whatever. Allow yourself to feel something good. The book "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle has some good teachings in it.

2. Acceptance of self. This is a huge one for me. I thought I had already fully accepted myself but I soon realized that I hadn't. It seems to work in layers. Keep going till you're at the core. This was really hard for me to do. I had two lives so to speak. The one I felt I wanted and should have and the one which I was actually living. Basically I had to stop the dreaming I had going on. Face reality head on, yuck...but only if you're ready for it. It's the only real starting point anyone has, as hard as that can be to accept but if one doesn't start from truth you just end back up in a lie.

3. Taking full responsibility for my own feelings. Basically I had to stop blaming others for how I felt. From past learning I understood this intellectually but living it is another matter. I found this quite hard to do as well. It doesn't help matters any when there are so many people out there looking to knock a person down for their own gain. Still, I now realize that it's my choice how I feel and/or react when someone acts in a poor manner towards me and I'll be damned if I ever give that power to others over myself ever again! It helps a lot to learn how to be properly assertive with others. In the past I really had no idea how to do this other than being aggressive or sheepish. Neither of which do much good for one's self-esteem.

4. Did some more work with my core beliefs. Something to remember, beliefs drive thoughts, thoughts drive emotions. Be ready to examine them all and don't hesitate to accept whatever the real truth is, good or bad. When I first started therapy back in '08 my Dr. told me, if you're looking forward to therapy than you're not working hard enough. After looking at my core beliefs full on I now fully understand why he said that. It's tough to say the least but it’s doable!

5. Allowing myself to be me while around others. As badly damaged as I may be, being me is all I really have to give myself or anyone else, so again, might as well go with the truth rather than a lie. This is a work in progress but I'm doing better with it than I ever have before so I feel pretty good about it continuing on. This one single thing is probably my biggest challenge. I believe it was the main cause of me not being able to hold onto my last job. At least a big part of the reason anyway. I've never been truly 100% "me". Never!! lol... I'm so sick and tired of living a lie. People can either like me or hate, accept me or reject me. I don't feel as though it matters anymore and even if it does at times it's still not nearly as important as me liking me or me accepting me. I'm the one that has to live my life, no one else can do it for me so why not make it better for myself in whatever way I can. One tip with this is allowing yourself to have faults (insofar as you see them) even when around others. They have them too! Of course everyone indeed does. I see them all the time as I have that AvPD radar like you all do as well. I just needed to see my own better and be more accepting of them even when around others. There's a lot of freedom for me just in that act alone.

There will always be people who won't accept me. I'm done trying to change who I am so I can try to avoid rejection. If I'm being myself and someone rejects me for whatever reason, that just tells me I'm better off being around someone else who will accept me for who I am. The trick is though, being comfortable as your true self (even when you have your public mask on, which everyone wears to some degree) when around others. People do react differently to you when this takes place. They will respect you much more for being honest even if they don't like you for whatever reason. Still it can be pretty difficult fitting in when one's personality is quite a bit different than the norm. So screw it, I don't really need much company anyway as I'm quite comfortable being alone. I grew up as an only child so I have no problems entertaining myself and can enjoy it being that way, which is perfectly ok. If I meet someone and I enjoy their company then that's fine too. I just have to be ready to give that a chance from time to time. As making a real connection with someone is special and should be valued.

I'm still in therapy at the moment. I'm thinking of taking a break from it though. My therapist explained to me that people make gains then have a setback, then return to therapy, hopefully make some more gains and it repeats itself again and again until it doesn't. She said that people can only make so many gains at one time. The next gain will come when you're ready and not before. Having a big setback is a pretty good signal (like a hammer on the head) telling me that it's time to do more work on myself. BTW, my therapist had many of the same issues as we all have here. She was able to get to a place in her life where she feels comfortable and happy. Then later became a therapist to help others. Being comfortable with myself and reasonably happy sounds good to me! As that's all I've ever really wanted along with a sense of peace.

Oh man, sorry for rambling on. Bet you'll never ask how I'm doing again! lol. I just wanted to pass on what has helped me so far just in case it can help someone else, even a little.

I'll sign off with this one last bit. This short sentence recently came to me while out driving early one morning. All this stuff, it all seems to boil down to: "live your truth". I know some here will say, well that sucks ass, I hate my truth. Well, isn't that really all you have right now? Why not take it and keep moving forward to the place you want to be, wherever that might be. But do it as the real you and no one else. It takes time getting to know yourself. For me I now know there are some things I thought I wanted but I don't. I do realize I'm somewhat different than most others and may never fit in with much of society. That's ok though, society has its own set of problems to deal with. You don't need to live like others regardless of the pressure others will put on you to do so. Many of those people live in a box. They would rather you were in that box too as it makes them feel more comfortable. All I can say to those people is; "Sorry, I'm out of the box and I'm not going back in!."

Take care Evol and keep up the good work on the forum! Hope everyone here is doing ok.

Sincerely,

Rusty

Rusty, you are AWESOME. I need to print that post so I can reread it when I'm having a bad day.

My journey over the past year has been similar to yours. Knowing what I know now about how the brain works, I am not surprised that we are using some of the exact same strategies to make and maintain our progress.

I, for one, am glad for your long update and very glad to hear you are doing well!

Rustynail wrote:There will always be people who won't accept me. I'm done trying to change who I am so I can try to avoid rejection. If I'm being myself and someone rejects me for whatever reason, that just tells me I'm better off being around someone else who will accept me for who I am. The trick is though, being comfortable as your true self (even when you have your public mask on, which everyone wears to some degree) when around others. People do react differently to you when this takes place. They will respect you much more for being honest even if they don't like you for whatever reason. Still it can be pretty difficult fitting in when one's personality is quite a bit different than the norm. So screw it, I don't really need much company anyway as I'm quite comfortable being alone. I grew up as an only child so I have no problems entertaining myself and can enjoy it being that way, which is perfectly ok. If I meet someone and I enjoy their company then that's fine too. I just have to be ready to give that a chance from time to time. As making a real connection with someone is special and should be valued.

This is so key. So very much. You put it so eloquently. Keep being awesome, Rusty!!

ShadowTerra wrote:Rusty, you are AWESOME. I need to print that post so I can reread it when I'm having a bad day.

My journey over the past year has been similar to yours. Knowing what I know now about how the brain works, I am not surprised that we are using some of the exact same strategies to make and maintain our progress.

I, for one, am glad for your long update and very glad to hear you are doing well!

Rustynail wrote:There will always be people who won't accept me. I'm done trying to change who I am so I can try to avoid rejection. If I'm being myself and someone rejects me for whatever reason, that just tells me I'm better off being around someone else who will accept me for who I am. The trick is though, being comfortable as your true self (even when you have your public mask on, which everyone wears to some degree) when around others. People do react differently to you when this takes place. They will respect you much more for being honest even if they don't like you for whatever reason. Still it can be pretty difficult fitting in when one's personality is quite a bit different than the norm. So screw it, I don't really need much company anyway as I'm quite comfortable being alone. I grew up as an only child so I have no problems entertaining myself and can enjoy it being that way, which is perfectly ok. If I meet someone and I enjoy their company then that's fine too. I just have to be ready to give that a chance from time to time. As making a real connection with someone is special and should be valued.

This is so key. So very much. You put it so eloquently. Keep being awesome, Rusty!!

Hey ST,

So great to hear from you! I'm really glad you found value in my post. I must say that is the nicest compliment anyone has ever given me and coming from you it means a lot to me. A truly kind gift, thank you very much. I'm going to keep your compliment in my pocket and pull it out anytime I feel the need for a boost!


Best regards,

Rusty