Does being an AVPD make it easier to be cheated on?!

I think the answer is yes! Because if you barely talk to other people or barely no anyone your partner could take advantage and have an affair and you may never know about it! this has happened to me with my husband. But I make no excuses for his being an asshole! hE HAS THE BEST WIFE EVER! aND HE BLEW IT! iT HAS ALWAYS BEEN EASY TO FIND A GUY, JUST PICKING THE RIGHT ONE IS THE PROBLEM! I may try to work it out but I hate that the rest of the world knew and I didn't!

"Does being an AVPD make it easier to be cheated on?!"

Harder, because you never get that far in a relationship to begin with.

Does having a mental illness make a partner more likely to doubt the relationship? Yes. And imo that's about as far as we can go without generalizing groups of people.

I'd take your case as a specific example, to elaborate, but you didn't describe any of it, you just raged about being last to know. That's the problem with this post, you didn't give us information to work with. I am of course assuming that what you are really wondering is whether you could have prevented the cheating or atleast the embarrassment when you found out. Right?

AlAtBar wrote:"Does being an AVPD make it easier to be cheated on?!"

Harder, because you never get that far in a relationship to begin with.

Hehe! So true. Thats what I was going to post.

I would say easier. The reason being is that avoidants tend to disappear at lengths from time to time(might just be me ) People who are unfamiliar with AVPD or dont truly understand it, will look at me backing away as that "He just not that in to you" rhetoric. In turn a girl might step outside the relationship seeking the attention and love that she may be missing with me pulling a massive retreating act for the moment. Or she may believe I am the one cheating and move on to a new person. When I come back she may look at that as me playing games or blowing hot and cold. Thus opening the door for me to be cheated on.

I think it centers around us distancing ourselves from others at times to recover emotionally/physically/mentally/etc. People have come to see distancing as a sign of infidelity or a relationship coming to an end, where avoidants tend to distance ourselves so we can recover or evaluate a situation. Just the idea of girl thinking I could cheat on her is funny though, that would require me to leave the house and meet new people.

BTW, I am no relationship expert, I just play one on the internets

_GOD_ wrote:Does having a mental illness make a partner more likely to doubt the relationship? Yes. And imo that's about as far as we can go without generalizing groups of people.

I'd take your case as a specific example, to elaborate, but you didn't describe any of it, you just raged about being last to know. That's the problem with this post, you didn't give us information to work with. I am of course assuming that what you are really wondering is whether you could have prevented the cheating or atleast the embarrassment when you found out. Right?

Bit harsh for your first post.
Your questioning is right, but we are here to support each other.

Welcome to the Forum
Dwight

AlAtBar wrote:"Does being an AVPD make it easier to be cheated on?!"

Harder, because you never get that far in a relationship to begin with.

Haha so true

I've got AVPD and I've never been cheated on, but I've also never been in a relationship, or had any sort of friend in the past 5 years.

So no, it makes it a lot harder.

entropy wrote:I've got AVPD and I've never been cheated on, but I've also never been in a relationship, or had any sort of friend in the past 5 years.

So no, it makes it a lot harder.

Hi entropy,

There is avies in relationships, but I'm not saying yes,no or maybe to the question as every relationship is different so no one answer will suffice.

Avies in relationships do need constant re-assurance from their partners and that does take it's toll on the partner.
As the self-esteem lowers the more needy, and the more acceptance is required and no amount of comforting fills that void.
This is just as hard for the partner as for the avie.

ashandtaymom, was is in a difficult spot and this being an old thread hopefully, things have settled down and aatm, has found the love and security she needs to be happy.

Dwight

Dwight wrote:

_GOD_ wrote:Does having a mental illness make a partner more likely to doubt the relationship? Yes. And imo that's about as far as we can go without generalizing groups of people.

I'd take your case as a specific example, to elaborate, but you didn't describe any of it, you just raged about being last to know. That's the problem with this post, you didn't give us information to work with. I am of course assuming that what you are really wondering is whether you could have prevented the cheating or atleast the embarrassment when you found out. Right?

Bit harsh for your first post.
Your questioning is right, but we are here to support each other.

Welcome to the Forum
Dwight

Thanks.

But I disagree on your perception that anything I said was "harsh", I was stating factual observations. Sugar-coating would imo only distract from my point. I like rational discussions more than anything else so if there's a way I can "support" people then it's through that, provoking them to think about their situation critically. Being all cuddly and nice is your job