AvPD: Is there a way out?

Has there been any person who found a way out of this crippling disorder? I mean, is it a lifetime sentence, or is it possible that somewhere along the continuum of life, there is an exit point? Please share your encouraging stories. It's so hard to suffer in silence, when people fail to understand that you're actually sick, just because you have four limbs and have normal vitals signs.

My take on AvPD is this.....I think people arrive at avoidancy via a myriad of different paths. I don't think avoidants are born that way although probably predisposition plays a role. I believe that an avoidant is molded by their environment while in their formative years. I think that by the time a person becomes a full-on avoidant, it is probably too late to fully exorcise the demon.
The key, I think, is to properly deal with whatever it is that makes a person lean towards avoidance in the first place.
I'll use my personal experience as an example. I arrived at avoidancy after failing to deal at all with crippling social anxiety. I've been socially anxious my whole life. I used drugs and alcohol to get through it and hid my issues from everyone including myself. Somewhere along the line my core issue started to overpower the intoxicants until they no longer worked like I wanted them to and I started the downward spiral into avoidance.
I believe that if I had properly dealt with my social anxiety early on I could have saved myself from becoming avoidant at all.
I know what you mean about the suffering in silence, Kalebkeb. I find it is impossible to properly explain AvPD to someone who doesn't have it.

I've made huge progress. So I'm thinking, yes, it's possible to get out. I don't think you can be "fully healed" whatever that is, but I think you can work your way into the range of normal. But I think you have to work on it for the rest of your life, like the mental equivalent of Weight Watchers Maintenance - you still do the program and go to meetings, you just don't lose anymore weight.

ck2d wrote:I've made huge progress. So I'm thinking, yes, it's possible to get out. I don't think you can be "fully healed" whatever that is, but I think you can work your way into the range of normal. But I think you have to work on it for the rest of your life, like the mental equivalent of Weight Watchers Maintenance - you still do the program and go to meetings, you just don't lose anymore weight.

ck2d how were you able to make the progress you did?

A lot of therapy - which is hell - and antidepressants.
Mind you, I still have almost no friends IRL, and I'm not in a relationship, and I'm still in a soul-sucking job. But I can reach out now a bit, I have more self-confidence even though I don't believe it yet. Weird, but true.
I don't think I'll ever be a social butterfly. But I've put myself out there and it hasn't killed me. I am not totally isolated anymore. If I wanted to accept help from people, I think I would be able to get it. But I can't accept help very often yet. It's coming along.

GuySmiley wrote:My take on AvPD is this.....I think people arrive at avoidancy via a myriad of different paths. I don't think avoidants are born that way although probably predisposition plays a role. I believe that an avoidant is molded by their environment while in their formative years. I think that by the time a person becomes a full-on avoidant, it is probably too late to fully exorcise the demon.
The key, I think, is to properly deal with whatever it is that makes a person lean towards avoidance in the first place.
I'll use my personal experience as an example. I arrived at avoidancy after failing to deal at all with crippling social anxiety. I've been socially anxious my whole life. I used drugs and alcohol to get through it and hid my issues from everyone including myself. Somewhere along the line my core issue started to overpower the intoxicants until they no longer worked like I wanted them to and I started the downward spiral into avoidance.
I believe that if I had properly dealt with my social anxiety early on I could have saved myself from becoming avoidant at all.
I know what you mean about the suffering in silence, Kalebkeb. I find it is impossible to properly explain AvPD to someone who doesn't have it.

Wow, I like so much of this. Much of it applies to me, as well.

Also, I want to say this. Please, people, do not just think of it as YOU being disordered. Work on altering YOUR ENVIRONMENT to suit you, as well as working on yourself. Find the best work situation. Do not spend time around the wrong people. There are plenty of HSP and similar people out there. Why waste time on loud mouthed insensitive lunkheads? Find the sensitive people! It will be good for all to do so.

ck2d wrote: But I've put myself out there and it hasn't killed me.

That's true for me as well. I just said to myself I wouldn't avoid anymore the situations I was avoiding before. I face the fear of rejection. How bad could this have been? I had been living in hell anyway. For instance, I remember like five years ago or so, I was terrified about celebrating my birthday at work, but I convinced myself not to avoid it. And it didn't kill me. Although, at some point I thought it would. Now I'm very confortable in similar situations, in social gatherings, clubs etc. I could talk to anyone. Not like "social butterflies", but I am not quiet anymore. I believe I don't seem like a shy person anymore. I still fear the people would laugh at me or think I am weird. I still focus on negative feedbacks. I still cannot handle many things. However, I try to learn from every social experience and improve myself in every way I can.

So it can be done. It is a really painful and long process. I still have a long way to go. But I won't give up. My advice (if I'm in any position to give one) to anyone would be to think about a situation you avoid by fear of rejection and decide to face it. Looking back, I sometimes think it was a bit silly to avoid some of the situations I was terrified of.

I don't know what the answer to this question is for me. You can certainly make great progress. Just through experience, and getting older my social anxiety has radically decreased. I still feel it at times, but more often than not I am just calm. Part of it, however, seems to come at a cost. I'm often sincerely indifferent to what people think of things I say, especially if the people are strangers. I don't think that is entirely a good thing. Learning the theory of all these PDs is also extremely helpful. You can see cognitive errors as you are making them, it explains the way your life has gone, and will go if you continue to make the same mistakes.

Ultimately, though, I don't think I want huge isolation, but also I find it hard to imagine myself with a wife and kids in the 'burbs, with life being about baseball games and barbeques. I don't know if I will ever get over the hurdle of not wanting to spend more than a max of 8-16 hours a week around people. Who can know what the future holds, though? May that will all change but as I approach 40... maybe it won't.


But that's just me. According to Kantor who wrote the book, and probably has a much larger sample size than anyone here, the success getting out of AvPD varies all over the place. Some people get worse, some reduce avoidance, some go all the way to basically "normal" lifestyles. Since Kantor suggests learning to live with avoidance as a last option as opposed to getting out, and says the prognosis is good, I think most avies, generally, can make great progress. What percentage get how far, I do not know.

I think I could progress a lot if I had someone who pushed me to do things together, to go together to social events, who insisted when I would say 'no' at first, who would introduce me to other people... But this would work only if that person really wants me to join him/her, I should not have the feeling he asks me just out of mercy.
This would take away the biggest burden, of taking the first step.
But unfortunately I don't know how to find such a person.

Kalebkeb wrote:Has there been any person who found a way out of this crippling disorder?

A twelve gauge shotgun blast to the head?