Valentine's Day Idea

Well, I wonder if its too soon to talk about Valentine's Day but it is just in about 11 days, it would fall on Monday.

I know some people really dislike it, others don't really care and others can't wait for it to come. I personally either dislike it or like it, but we can talk in detail about what you think about Valentine's Day and what do you do on that day later on, regardless of its nothing out of the ordinary or maybe you do something like giving cards or so, I would like to hear that... I think that for shy people Valentine's Day is really something ... I would like to open an specific topic on that or maybe someone else would do that in the next days, I am really curious~!

But well, the main purpose of my post is this... I bought a lot of little Herseys chocolates, I am planning to go to school and give one to each of my friends and acquaintances and wish them a Happy Valentine's Day. It doesn't sound like the big plan but I just wanted to share it because you may want to do that as well (at school, college, neighborhood or work) As easy as it might sound most people doesn't even consider it... Its really simple and easy to do. I did it last year and people seemed happy that I thought about them on that day, even if you don't really feel anything about that day or think that its a commercial day for buying chocolates and spend money and it doesn't make a whole lot of sense it is still a good chance to approach people. I think I would be glad if someone gives me a chocolate, I love theeem .... ( I don't feel the same about roses though... ) And because you are giving them to everyone and because they are so small I am not worried about people misunderstanding me besides giving it to acquaintances would make some kind of deeper bond and they will remember that whenever they see you. Also, I feel like I should give them because they are nice to me even though I am extremely quiet, I guess It is a way to say "Thanks for being with me even though I'm like this". And I am even considering giving one of them to the one guy that I like (luckily I will succeed, but I won't deny that he is the one person I am scared to give chocolate) but probably it would be a good chance to approach him... I just hope he doesn't hate it. haha I thought about giving him a biiiig kiss on that day .... I mean like one of those 5$ herseys kisses.... haha .... Nah, just kidding I'll give him the same as everybody else.

But basically, for those who want to, I think this is a chance to approach people with an excuse and you don't have to say much and look caring. Hopefully this would help someone, I would be glad if someone is willing to try, I mean how bad could it be?

sounds like a good idea, hope you have luck

I on the other hand probably wouldn't dare to do this at work, seems like too much for me.

My two attempts at pursuing girls were both on Valentines Day, six and ten years ago. Only my mom has ever gotten me anything for Valentine's Day. Right now I'm just hoping that it won't affect me too much.

I usually never notice VD. Its just another day to me. Most times I don't even realize its VD.

Yummy...Can I have a chocolate, too?
Valantine´s Day always had a dual meaning for me: on one hand, the expectation to see if someone would give me a card or something (someone I didn´t realize who were in love with me; and on the hand, that discorage moment when I finally told me, you are a silly for expecting such a thing. This usually happens to others.

Well, I never really had any attachment for the day itself, I guess I just use it as an excuse. The only reason why it is kind of special to me isn't related with Valentines day at all and its because that day like four years ago the guy that I liked the most confessed to me (because he had the chance to do it not because it was Valentines day) So, that day me sad and happy at the same time... Is really special for me but for a totally unrelated reason though.

When it comes to me I don't really like people giving me stuff, I kind of dislike flowers, letters, gifts and cards maybe because they are meaningful and I feel so embarrassed that I can barely look at them and hide them somewhere I cannot see them, even though I am grateful... I probably behave like an embarrassed and stubborn little boy after being kissed by a little girl in the cheek but a little thing like a chocolate wouldn't bother me because its simple, doesn't say much, I can at least eat it and is not expensive ( I don't like people expending money on me or a lot of feelings... that is what I mean with meaningful, I feel I'm not worth it and I don't even return the feelings given so I feel guilty). But I guess a small detail from my part wouldn't hurt those around me, and maybe that would make them happy~

I would give people here a little chocolate as well if I could, for being so nice~! You would have one as well twistermind =)

That's a good idea NooniLollipop. Give the guy you like that extra special big kiss though.

Especially with Valentine's Day just around the corner, you should really try to progress things with that guy you like. He already knows you like him and he's still friendly with you (sadly he's too shy to progress things himself). And your senior year of highschool will be over before you know it. It's best that you progress things now. Start chatting it up with him now on a regular basis. Ask him for his number, etc. If you progress things enough within the next week, you could even ask him to go out on a date for valentine's. Guys are way simpler to deal with than a chick. Women don't like being aggressive but being aggressive as a woman leads to huge payoffs.

Honestly I wish I could trade places with you or any good or decent-looking avoidant chick in here. Being an avoidant guy sucks. Unlike chicks, I have to worry about being thought of as a creep if I cold approach a woman (this is especially probable if you are a low status male. The alpha males have a higher success rate when they do). So I just don't do approaches at all and that's that. You don't have to worry about that. If you fancy this guy, go for it. Just because women doing the approach is not the norm doesn't mean it doesn't work. He will at the very least feel flattered if he's not interested.

I remember in my first therapy, my psycologist called me attention on my difficulty to accept presents or praises because I felt I couldn´t respond in the same way. But, I didn´t know why I felt in this way. I guess the problem was my poor self-steem. Or perhaps, like you, I give too much importance while other people sees it as a natural thing.

I think techaddict is right. Perhaps, Valantinne´s day is your opportunity to let know theguy you like what you feel, but be careful and think about a plan B if he doesn´t respond possitively. I had a bad experience, once I took the iniciative. I was conviced that man loved me. I got a date and sex but I didn´t get what I really was expecting. I often misunderstand people. It´s only a call attention.
Good luck!

techaddict wrote:Honestly I wish I could trade places with you or any good or decent-looking avoidant chick in here.

I don't know if the situation is that much better for avoidant "chicks". I've only got to know a couple of them fairly well (one had AvPD for sure, and the other probably did) but I think much of the same mechanisms are at play for avoidant "chicks" as they are for avoidant "dudes". Sure it is easier for an avoidant women to get some attention even if they are completely passive, whereas avoidant guys could quite literally get zero attention, but there are catches:

First off, as with all good looking women, it is hard for girls to know if the attention is just because of their looks or if there is more to it than that. One very good looking (non-Av) girl I knew said this is so bad for good looking girls, that the benefits to being hot are almost outweighed by the determents (almost but not quite). She said if she was not so good looking then it would be clearer that when a guy showed interest in her it was for something beyond her looks.

Second there is the fact that, based on my grand sample size of two (but confirming what I read in Kantor), that AvPD girls seem to be hypercritical of people themselves and, will reject them over little things to pre-empt getting rejected themselves. I think this is especially true if the guy is rather "shy" himself. Part of this is probably the girl projecting: seeing a part of herself in him that she does not like, and thus she ends up disliking him for one of the reasons she dislikes herself. Both of the avie girls I knew fairly well came to the conclusion that there was literally "no one" in the world right for them, although they could get some schmuck their disgust for him would make it not worth the effort.

Finally although good looking AvPD girls will probably get some attention even if they do very little, if they are following the typical avoidant lifestyle it's still not going to be a very great amount of attention. Also the "alpha guys" they are likely to be interested in could very well find their avoidance to be a turn off. (Imagine that, guys with standards beyond looks themselves.)

AlAtBar wrote:I don't know if the situation is that much better for avoidant "chicks". I've only got to know a couple of them fairly well (one had AvPD for sure, and the other probably did) but I think much of the same mechanisms are at play for avoidant "chicks" as they are for avoidant "dudes". Sure it is easier for an avoidant women to get some attention even if they are completely passive, whereas avoidant guys could quite literally get zero attention, but there are catches:

First off, as with all good looking women, it is hard for girls to know if the attention is just because of their looks or if there is more to it than that. One very good looking (non-Av) girl I knew said this is so bad for good looking girls, that the benefits to being hot are almost outweighed by the determents (almost but not quite). She said if she was not so good looking then it would be clearer that when a guy showed interest in her it was for something beyond her looks.

Second there is the fact that, based on my grand sample size of two (but confirming what I read in Kantor), that AvPD girls seem to be hypercritical of people themselves and, will reject them over little things to pre-empt getting rejected themselves. I think this is especially true if the guy is rather "shy" himself. Part of this is probably the girl projecting: seeing a part of herself in him that she does not like, and thus she ends up disliking him for one of the reasons she dislikes herself. Both of the avie girls I knew fairly well came to the conclusion that there was literally "no one" in the world right for them, although they could get some schmuck their disgust for him would make it not worth the effort.

Finally although good looking AvPD girls will probably get some attention even if they do very little, if they are following the typical avoidant lifestyle it's still not going to be a very great amount of attention. Also the "alpha guys" they are likely to be interested in could very well find their avoidance to be a turn off. (Imagine that, guys with standards beyond looks themselves.)

I don't get the impression that AvPD girls feel contempt for AvPD guys. Unless the AvPD females in here are really good at hiding that contempt. lol. It could just be an individual quirk with those two girls.