Ice queen. People who say hi and people who don't

raginmund wrote:Related to your situation, and sorry for posting it in your thread.
I've had a job since about 6 months ago.... and well this happens so often I can't even make sense of it
but different people say hi to me at my job
and some just plain ignore me/don't even talk to me.

Exactly the deal with me. I've been at this job 5 months now. There are 40 people who work there. About 7 or 8 say hi to me when they see me, especially firts thing in the morning. My AvPD isn't so bad anymore that I can't deal with it or have a short conversation with someone. But when someone puts me in the say hi zone and takes me out it has me really confused.

She was at work today. There was a fire alarm and we ended up standing next to each other outside in the freezing cold. No fire - some people were working on the system and it went off. She didn't look at me or say anything to me. But then later in the day she was just walking by my desk - I don't have an office, just a desk set back in an alcove in the hall - and she came back and said ' who needs electrically powered pipets?" Then she shows me a brochure some company sent her for pipets that you don't have to push down with your thumb - it's done automatically for you. Must be a little electric motor in it. Fancy fancy! She says' who's so lazy that they can't do that?" I tell her my thumb gets tired sometimes. Then my hall-mate says that some people do pipetting all day all the time and it could be useful for them. I ask her how much they cost. She looks and say's $400. I say that's a bit much for what I have to do. She walks off. Huh.

I saw her later in the dsay as she was leaving. I was behind her on the stairs. She works a different schedule and goes an hour before I do. I guess I could have told her to have a good night. But I didn't. On one hand I just think I should forget about it. But it was nice having the most beautiful woman in the place smiling and saying hi to me. It would be cool to get that back.

I think she sees you as a partner in crime. You don't just say, "oh that's weird" when she points out something out of the ordinary. Next time something odd strikes you as kind of cool, tell her about it.

Funny how that other guy was trying to muscle in on your territory.

ck2d wrote:I think she sees you as a partner in crime. You don't just say, "oh that's weird" when she points out something out of the ordinary. Next time something odd strikes you as kind of cool, tell her about it.

Funny how that other guy was trying to muscle in on your territory.

Not a guy - my hall-mate is a woman. She has worked in labs for 30 years. She was just pointing out that some people really may have a need for such a device. The most I will do it is when I have to do the pipet checks to make sure they work. I have to check 7 pipets and use each 10 times to see how much it is delivering. That's 70 whole times I have to push the thing down mith my thumb! OUCH. But some people must to it hundreds of times a day.

Put a bandaid on your thumb to cushion it.

So is your hall-mate a busy body who has to add her two cents in about everything? Or is she just lonely/bored senseless and jumps at any opportunity to talk to anyone?

It would be even better if a chick was trying to muscle in on you.

I don't know why the office-mate said something. I guess she thought it was a cool product. And its not so much the cushioning - it's the repetition - over and over and over - it tires the thumb out. It could get to the point where I couldn't even unzip my fly to take a leak! Now THAT would be a disaster!!!

Get a catheter - you'll be all set.

Someone I went to college with came in to interview in another department last week. Haven't seen him in 15 years or so. I attempted small talk. Said he hadn't changed a bit. He said he went gray. I said I haven't - never dyed my hair in my life. Which is the complete truth. Well, the "office manager" (administrative assistant) yelled across the room - "that's not true, you were gray last week." What the hell! 1) Who was she to interrupt a private conversation 2) who was she to lie about me 3) who was she to tell this guy who used to be a friend that I was lying to him, and about something so trivial! Even my therapist couldn't come up with an excuse why she did that. Obviously she wanted me to get back to work and stop talking to the guy. And you wonder why I'm avoidant when I talk to someone for 90 seconds about the most superficial thing and someone jumps in calling me a liar!

Sorry to take over your thread. I still think this woman you work with (Ms. Braids) could give you some excellent practice with off the cuff conversations. Obviously she's not going to try to get buddy-buddy with you - a plus in my book. And it's totally random when she'll talk to you, so you don't have to get all nervous waiting for her. Try not to overthink it (yes, I know how impossible that is). Try to suck the sweet out of your interactions with her and spit out the bitter. Worth a shot.

ck2d wrote:Someone I went to college with came in to interview in another department last week. Haven't seen him in 15 years or so. I attempted small talk. Said he hadn't changed a bit. He said he went gray. I said I haven't - never dyed my hair in my life. Which is the complete truth. Well, the "office manager" (administrative assistant) yelled across the room - "that's not true, you were gray last week." What the hell! 1) Who was she to interrupt a private conversation 2) who was she to lie about me 3) who was she to tell this guy who used to be a friend that I was lying to him, and about something so trivial! Even my therapist couldn't come up with an excuse why she did that. Obviously she wanted me to get back to work and stop talking to the guy. And you wonder why I'm avoidant when I talk to someone for 90 seconds about the most superficial thing and someone jumps in calling me a liar!

Chatting on company time! Lucky you didn't get 20 lashes! Reminds me of an Office episode where Dwight threatened to write up Jim for goofing off.

ck2d wrote:I still think this woman you work with (Ms. Braids) could give you some excellent practice with off the cuff conversations. Obviously she's not going to try to get buddy-buddy with you - a plus in my book. And it's totally random when she'll talk to you, so you don't have to get all nervous waiting for her. Try not to overthink it (yes, I know how impossible that is). Try to suck the sweet out of your interactions with her and spit out the bitter. Worth a shot.

I don't really need that much practice with conversations. I guess. It's when I run into a woman who seems interested in an actual dating relationship where I freeze up. I have no problems being casual friends with women. Guess I will have to mention the coming zombie apocolypse to her and see how she reacts.

Hmm, interesting that you can split it like that. I can talk (mostly) to people I'll never have to see again. Like grocery clerks or whatever. I never ever talk about my personal life with anyone but my mother and my son. I talk to other people about my son - I could go 8 hours straight talking to him.

Such a vile idea, but have you tried speed dating? It's sort of the combination of the most unlikely to meet the person again (grocery clerk level) with maybe dating. That's why it's so surreal. But it would be good practice. Again, because you'll probably not want to continue to see any of the women again, but you can practice dealing with their interest in you.

It's an idea, I'm throwing it out there, there is no way I would ever do it myself. But maybe it would work for you. If you can detach yourself from the rejection it could work out. Got my first publication that way - sent something out that I actually thought it would be better in the long run not to be published, so no nervousness about it, and voila.

I really don't have much trouble chatting and even flirting with women. I got a lot of practice at my last job - running a cafe operation that had 300 + people coming in a day. I eventually started flirting with the women who came in. It took several years for me to get into it. The problem is sex and relationships. If some women actually shows any interest i me I freak. Can't do it. As for dating I gave up on the idea due to physical problems. I got butched by a dentist and while my teeth look good they taste like sour paper towels to me and it gets worse the more I talk. It is also leading me to eat too much and making me 20 pounds overweight. I feel terrible. I've been trying to get it fixed for years - spent $20,0000- but I keep running into dentists who lie and do poor work. They are not giving me the materials that I ask for. It's long story and I've told it in other places here.

I'm the complete opposite. I can't start a conversation, it takes me forever to become confident enough to even pull off small talk, but once something starts up, I have no problems making a physical connection. (That's probably genetic - my index to ring finger ratio says I'm predisposed to being promiscuous. !!! Good thing I'm AvPD because I'd probably be dead from an STD by now otherwise.) Being emotionally intimate and maintaining a healthy relationship, I'm not so great at that, because the fear of rejection kicks back in and keeps me from expressing my feelings, so I become mute and follow the other person's whims to my own extreme detriment. There's no middle ground. I either have a huge gulf between me and the other person or no boundaries whatsoever. Totally not healthy. Hence preferring the lesser of two evils, being alone.

Clearly I'm a hypocrite and am about to point out stuff you already know all too well. But the physical issues are just an excuse to avoid emotional trauma. Chew gum, or don't talk so much if it causes you discomfort. Go to a movie and hold hands - no talking allowed.

As far as the freaking out - I've only gone out with people when I have been seriously pursued. Long enough that first I have to get a clue they're chasing me (you have no idea how long it takes before I realize someone is interested in me), then they have to keep pursuing me through my freak out/hide in the closet stage, and if they still pursue me after that I figure they're pretty much a sure thing and give in. Since I've never gone after anyone in my life, I have no idea how to push through the freak out stage and not drop the pursuit. Sorry I'm no help. I'll think about it, see if I can come up with something.