Ice queen. People who say hi and people who don't

Yeah maybe. Or maybe she was disappointed that I didn't rip her clothes off and make mad passionate love to her in the storage closet! I missed my chance!!! Whatever. But I did get her to tell me something really freaky. She said when she was in grad school she got to see an autopsy. She said there was a body that had been badly burned and he smelled like a delicious barbeque! Now I really AM interested in her! That's my kind of story!!!!

GuySmiley wrote:

ultimate_krang wrote:if shes a cold bitch to you do it back. fairs fair. alot of these women think men shouldnt even look at them, they walk around with a look on their face like they have just smelled dogshit. they arnt worth anyones time if you ask me.

Ya know what though man, many of us avoidants walk around with that same look on our face....we use it as a defense mechanism, who's to say these chicks aren't doing the same thing? The reason I post this is because my sis in law is drop dead gorgeous and I've seen her act like a stone cold bitch to guys on several occasions, but I know her reasons and her insecurities and can fully understand why she acts like she does.
We've got problems, but so do most others.

i think their is a big difference in the body language and mannerisms and that of somebody who is shy, anxious and avoids to that of some who is totally up their own arse.

ultimate_krang wrote:i think their is a big difference in the body language and mannerisms and that of somebody who is shy, anxious and avoids to that of some who is totally up their own arse.

Not really. I remember in school having people accuse me of being totally stuck up because I didn't talk to people much.

I am avoidant and I could be put in this category. I am also an attorney and sometimes people tend to make assumptions based on that, but really, I am just avoidant and shy and can't talk well.

Ok first, #1 women, especially pretty women have much more reason to not talk and keep quiet than men. The spectrum from strange clingy guy to rapist. Women have so much more to lose if they are friendly with the wrong guy. And if you give the slightest peek that you could be a problem, I MUST, terminate you and ask questions later. Trouble for a woman can really be trouble. I wish guys could understand. And frankly, it might not be about you. What if she already has a stalker who will freak out if they spy the object of their affection talking to someone else...

Remember also lawyers trade in words. They are experts and immediately picking up on small suggestions in words. Xena comment was a mistake. That would have sent me running and you will be out of the hi zone until you prove to her there was no ill intent. Just ignore her for a while and she will come back to you. She needs space to know you are ok, give it to her.

I actually have a new boss who is a man who hasn't talked to me in 6 years. I gave up trying to say hi to him. Now he was just made my boss. Damn it. He doesn't say hi in the hall. He does act like he is better than me. I have tried thinking he is just avoid ant and shy but feel like he isn't. And he is a guy. What am I going to do to him?

Parador wrote:

ultimate_krang wrote:i think their is a big difference in the body language and mannerisms and that of somebody who is shy, anxious and avoids to that of some who is totally up their own arse.

Not really. I remember in school having people accuse me of being totally stuck up because I didn't talk to people much.

well i guesse it depends on the person and how good they are at judging that kind of thing. personally i wouldnt make the mistake

ultimate_krang wrote:well i guesse it depends on the person and how good they are at judging that kind of thing. personally i wouldnt make the mistake

Again - remember that most people don't think about motivations so much. Probably they aren't good at judging people because they don't bother to do anything beyond a snap judgement...

SaraShaw wrote:. Xena comment was a mistake. That would have sent me running and you will be out of the hi zone until you prove to her there was no ill intent. Just ignore her for a while and she will come back to you. She needs space to know you are ok, give it to her.

?

But she kicked me out of the say hi zone BEFORE the Xena comment. She put me in it AFTER the hair pulling comment. I was in it for a while. The last day I remember being in it was the day of a baby shower. I saw her leaving and asked if she had been to the other woman's shower. She said she had been and said I should go. I said something about showers being a girl thing and I didn't feel like I should go. I didn't go. As far as I can recall that was the last time I was in the say hi zone. Did I get kicked out for not going to someone's baby shower?

Nope, there's no way saying you didn't go to the shower did it. Okay, it wasn't not going to the shower, anyway. I bet you anything it was because you talked to her about such a pedestrian thing as a baby shower. So ordinary. Be unexpected, keep her on her toes, that would have worked. Don't know if you can get it back now that it's gone, though.

ok i thought about it a bit more and people who are socially anxious can come across as being rude, because they are being rude.. out of defense yes but still is rude. there is a difference to this and someone who does it intentionally and out of arrogance cus they think they are above everybody else for sure.

Related to your situation, and sorry for posting it in your thread.
I've had a job since about 6 months ago.... and well this happens so often I can't even make sense of it
but different people say hi to me at my job
and some just plain ignore me/don't even talk to me.
funny thing is I'm probably one of those that ignore/don't talk to other people
because the people that say 'hi' have to actually start the conversation... 'hi ray'
most of the times though...... I can only bring myself to say 'hi' or 'hey' or just wave my hand in their general direction

I don't do it on purpose ... it's just the way I am you know? but for some reason it gets to me....... it gets me thinking 'what if they think I'm a douche?'

They are probably somewhat right though......

sorry just felt like venting.... it feels awkward when people say hi and I have to reply or else...

sometimes I see them before they see me and I just try to walk around avoiding them..... kinda funny
most of the times I just bump into someone else who also says 'hi' to me from times to times......