Is anybody here married?

What do you mean by trust tests? I'm curious if I do the same thing.

Parabol wrote:I think it's much more difficult for men with Avpd because society expects them to initiate relationships. They're supposed to be the ones asking girls out, proposing to them.

A "normal" guy can still initiate something with a shy or Avpd girl, but it's much harder the other way around.

Much more difficult or depending on how social inept you are mathematically impossible. Have to be that typical alpha male, the women throw themselves at.

Listener wrote:What do you mean by trust tests? I'm curious if I do the same thing.

My explanation may not be the best, but it's how things are for me. Sometimes it's as simple as an offhand remark when someone says they're going to leave. Saying "Oh fine", or "Have fun without me!" or "Oh, bye!" or whatever. Usually disguised as a joke. "Wouldn't you rather spend time with meeee?" or "Am I really that boring? D:", etc etc. Acting like the fact that someone has interests aside from you is a personal attack and means you are worthless. Sometimes actually believing that.
Having someone make actual sacrifices to prove that they care about you because you are unable to simply take their word for it.

I'm sorry this is hard to explain, and I don't really feel like I've adequately answered your question or adequately explained what I mean. You'd be better off waiting for someone else to explain, but in the meantime, I hope this helps.

I can relate to that - feeling like if anything ever comes before me that it's a slam, and putting out stumbling blocks so that people have to "choose" (even though they don't know they're doing it), which then "confirms" my suspicion that they really don't want to have anything to do with me.

Never been married nor do I have any desire to marry sometime in the future. Friendships is fine but thats is as much as you can get from me

Been in several long term relationships . I am the type who has never really tought about suicide but when I was with someone I could not think about anything else . Then I realized that breaking up was also an option so I did just that

This question is kinda ambigious? I mean,the objective of marriage is romance&trust&yes,conflicts happen&personal exposure/vulnerability. Marriage,is mostly friendship&trust,along with romance. And yes,as I repeated myself,conflicts happen.

I do have a friend that has avpd. Married. She monitors highly. I believe,the relationship gives her the material to be" happy" to give her the idea of what a" marriage" is. Nice house,money,....status....

Whether the real" marriage" is happy,I don't know. The relationship just might be shallow,not intamit.
and,that might b what avpd goes for. I don't know. I don't think my friend is" happy". In terms I a non-avpd would describe" happy". But,I think in terms feeling" happy" as n being secure without being mushy/emotions,she prob is.

I hope worded that right?

No, I've never even been in a relationship (a.k.a had a girlfriend)

I do sometimes fantasize about being married, mostly because once that one girl is part of my family I could actually 'open' up a bit to her...

but of course people expect you to open up before to be able to marry them.....


I also love kids so maybe that's why...... although divorce rate scares me, and before that rejection scares me too

so probably will never happen for me to be honest

I know the topic title is quite specific, but the cited statistics may not be particularly relevant. As for myself, I would not consider marriage, even if in a stable relationship, for various reasons (practical & ideological). I'm just saying, don't let it discourage you. 'Relationship' and 'marriage' are different measures.

Yes, to a person that exhibits the traits commonly found in someone with SPD. No real input into the relationship was desired from that quarter so I spent a good deal of time being introspective and blaming myself for all that was wrong. It's on the way out now. Neither has any feelings for the other. It just took me longer to catch up. I never grew into this relationship emotion-wise, so if I had to try again, I'm not sure I wouldn't screw things up somehow. Often I feel I'm probably going to wind up dying alone, emotionally as well as physically.

Rustynail wrote:Here's a few stats from a study of 114 clients at the Palo Alto Shyness Clinic. Of the 114 clients, 70% met the criteria for AvPD.

Never married - 85 - 74.6%
Married - 15 - 13.2%
Separated - 3 - 2.6%
Divorced - 9 - 7.9%
Widowed - 2 - 1.8%

Interesting about the marriage failure rate ( i added the separated with the divorce) which gives 12/29 which is 41%. I think divorce rate for the general population is higher?? 50%??

So if you have avpd and get married, take some comfort in knowing that you have a better chance at staying married than the rest of the population