Finding employment/How did you get your first job?

I'm 25 and I've never had a real job. I was really going to dedicate this summer to finding one, but I got as far as attending a career services workshop at my school and revising my resume a couple of times before I had to take to my sick bed. Last summer, I waited until August and only got as far as filling out an application (that I never turned in) and creating a resume for the very first time before the process opened the door to a deep depression that lasted until February.

I cannot do this job search thing without getting depressed and suicidal. I need more help than anyone is willing to give me. I do a great job of seeming much more competent and functional than I am, so therapists and doctors treat me like I am just being lazy and stubborn. Everyday I want to die. I resent having people who would miss me--it makes me feel more like a pet than a person. So I need to hear some stories from people who have been able to get jobs. Doesn't matter if you didn't keep the job(s), I want to know how you managed to get them in the first place.

The entire process is about being judged and rejected. Nobody likes that, but we all know it's a lot harder for Avoidant people. How on earth do you deal?

My enabling parents are not going to live forever. I don't know what to do anymore. I excel academically but I am occupationally useless.

My first proper job (that required an interview) was a formality - I was very lucky. At the time I still had a "best friend" and he got me into a trainee job at his work. After that life got much harder. When I had to go to real interviews at other companies (and I did many) I completely and utterly failed. I did very badly, especially at ones that did personality profiling! Like you, I got seriously depressed about the whole process.

After a couple of years of soul destroying interviews, I picked up a couple of books that helped specifically with how to present yourself at an interview and what questions you will likely be asked, and how best to answer them.

After that, with a bit of preparation and a huge effort from me to try and present myself well, I developed a knack for interviews. I learned how to research the company so I could casually drop in knowledge about the place and relate my skills to their needs, and I learnt to smile, show open body language, build rapport with the interviewer, have good questions ready to ask at the end, etc etc.

Once I figured out it was all just an act, like putting on a show, with a small pool of likely questions that you can memorise the answers for in advance, my interview performance got better and better, and then I was able to get jobs with relative ease.

Doing well in those jobs and holding onto them is, naturally, another matter. It's relatively easy to put on an act for an hour or so for an interview, much harder for 40 hours a week, every week!

Still, here I am at 35 with only 5 weeks unemployed since university, so I must be doing something right!

Does that help?

Only luck i have had is with large chain stores(think walmart). They pretty much hire anything that can breathe.

the pain, I adore your avatar.

Fixable, that does help a bit.

I think I'll go the route of pursuing some volunteer work to pad my resume with. That seems less daunting. I just flat-out can't handle the work thing right now. But I still want to hear stories about avoidants getting jobs, so keep 'em coming.

ShadowTerra wrote:I'm 25 and I've never had a real job. I was really going to dedicate this summer to finding one, but I got as far as attending a career services workshop at my school and revising my resume a couple of times before I had to take to my sick bed. Last summer, I waited until August and only got as far as filling out an application (that I never turned in) and creating a resume for the very first time before the process opened the door to a deep depression that lasted until February.

I cannot do this job search thing without getting depressed and suicidal. I need more help than anyone is willing to give me. I do a great job of seeming much more competent and functional than I am, so therapists and doctors treat me like I am just being lazy and stubborn. Everyday I want to die. I resent having people who would miss me--it makes me feel more like a pet than a person. So I need to hear some stories from people who have been able to get jobs. Doesn't matter if you didn't keep the job(s), I want to know how you managed to get them in the first place.

It took me 6 months with around two hundred jobs applied, fifteen interviews for me to land a job. Depression? actually it's more than that. It almost drove me to a point of insanity. Whenever I go to bed every night, I would dream of getting a job / not getting a job / other job-related dream. I had to push myself myself just to open RESUME.doc and go to job search site ... and yes, it made me sick pretty bad. But there is no other way and that's how I got a job, by brute persistence and resilience. Is it worth it? totally ....

First step in landing a good job is always the resume. Websites such as Monster.ca provide resume editing services and for a lot of my friends - it successfully landed them job interviews. I strongly advise you to invest a little sum of money to get your resume fixed and start doing interviews

Like the previous poster mentioned, the second step is the interview. It's just like a little play really. Rehearse your answer to some of the questions over and over again -- and you can't help but feeling confident and outgoing. I literally have a script for every possible interview questions and would really research the company before I go. I can safely say that I've beaten interview to death ...

Doing well in those jobs and holding onto them is, naturally, another matter. It's relatively easy to put on an act for an hour or so for an interview, much harder for 40 hours a week, every week!

This is extremely true. In my first job, they were so impressed by my interview that I was assigned to their overseas plant ... 2 weeks into the job, I got re assigned to a smaller domestic plant. I mostly exhibit the typical AvPD symptoms and start withdrawing from people ... and also as I become overly focused with myself esteem / anxiety, I lost track on what I actually do. At that moment, another company which I interviewed before told me I got in ... 2 weeks later, I quit knowing that I have something on the line.

Well like brokenbutfixable said before me, it's easy to fake it for an hour at the interview.
I was actually so good at reading people that i only needed a minute to pick up on what kind of person they wanted, and gave them that personality. I have never been to a job interview and not gotten the position.
But of course when i got the job, my avpd ###$ it up for me.

Now at 33 i realized that faking it gets me nowhere.
So my current job was with a goverment program.
Really took a lot of the pressure of me in the beginning.
I don't know where you are from Shadow, but if you goverment have similar programs i would ask your therapist
to give you a reccomendation.
It does not get any safer then that.
After so many years out of the system, i could never have gotten a job on my own.
I just don't have the guts any more.

Hope you get a good experience one of these days

25 and never had a real job - just like me. At that age it looked really BAD to not have work experience. Like you I got nearly suicidal when applying for jobs. I couldn't veven get interviews for janitorial jobs. Really. I decided to lie. Should have done a better job of it I guess. Made up places that didn't exist in states at least 200 miles away. I wasn't applying for great jobs so I figured they might not check that closely. I got a less that minimum wage job busing tables. It was too awful. I got a job as a minimum wage clerk in a discount department store. Worked a few weeks and got fired - they didn't tell me why. Just took my nbame off the schedule. Must have checked and found out that those places didn't exist. It was tough. But it was a pretty interesting experiment. Couldn't even get an interview unless I appeared normal.

So then I gave up for a few years. Looked after my dad's house. Got locked up in a psych hospital after punching a child molester. Fought drugging - court battle lasted two years. While I was locked up they let me work in the cafe at the hospital on and off. They took my rights away a couple of time and restricted me to the ward a couple of times - once for straying 100-200 yards outside the area outside where I was allowed to go - petty stuff. It was tough. But the woman who ran the place liked me because I worked twice as hard as other people. And I learned almost the whole operation and how to run it while still a patient. Then there was an opening when the part time woman got fired for stealing. So while still a patient I got a real part time job. That made it easier for a judge to let me go - got discharged. Then a full time job became available when another woman retired. So I took it and became the assistant manager.I don't recommend you do the psych hospital thing to get job though.

I know the names of restaurants here in VT that have closed down. I could send you some names of places so you could say you lived here and worked in a couple of jobs. Then you could go apply for minimum wage retail jobs - like walmart. Got a Kmart around there? I prefer Kmart. Or you coud say you worked in some small retail shop - I know bookstares that have cloed down - and apply for a fast food job. Subway and Quiznos are better than burger places - you end up covered with grease in those jobs.

But start with part time jobs. It's way too hard to jump into a full time job. Volunteer stuff can be just a few 2-3 hour shifts a week. Food shelves need volunteers. Hospitals. Check the United Way. Goodwill maybe. Possibly the Salavation army. If I still ran the little cafe I would offer you a job - if you wanted to come all they way to VT. I really wish I could help. I know what you're going though. I'm STILL not sure about my ability to work - for mental and physical issues now - BAD FOOT in addition to my bad brain. .

Well, my first job was at 17 with Sears. I was very intimidated by the entire process at the time. So I can understand what you are thinking. I went to HR and filled out an application. I had a short interview and I was hired. I didn't have a resume. But at 25 you may face more questions.

How about this, have you considered a temp agency? They basically will hire anyone -- with the cavet that get you a job when they have them. And also you can decline or quite assignment they offer. That way it isn't the pressure of a real job and you get your feet wet. There are office help temp firms and also like construction type temp firms. Accounting firms (you just need to be able to add).

Thank you for the suggestions.

Since my parents can still support me for a while, I can cool it with the job search for a while. My therapist agrees.

There are a couple steps I can take to make myself a better candidate in the meantime:
1) Find some volunteer work with some sort of weekly commitment to get me through the summer (otherwise I will end up spending the entire time indoors on this damn computer)
2) Finally learn to drive even though I am abjectly terrified of driving--that is, phobia-level fear of it

I've looked into temp agencies, but where I live I'm screwed if I don't have a car. Even if I learn to drive, we only have one car so I might still be screwed. I live close to a large city with good public transportation, but all the jobs are in suburbs that are pretty inaccessible for me. It's absurd.

I'm in the US. It's reeeeally difficult to get government assistance for this mental illness here unless you have one of the more "serious" ailments like bipolar disorder or schizophrenia. Even then, it's not easy at all. That's what I've heard, anyway.

ShadowTerra wrote:
I'm in the US. It's reeeeally difficult to get government assistance for this mental illness here unless you have one of the more "serious" ailments like bipolar disorder or schizophrenia. Even then, it's not easy at all. That's what I've heard, anyway.

True. AvPD is considered an axis II disorder and not a major mental illness. But people with AvPD often develop clinical depression and anxiety that could be considerd axis I. People can get assistance for depression.

I couldn't drive either. I managed to very gradually desensitize myself. I sat in a car 3 times. Then I just started the car a few times. Then a few times I started it and put it into reverse for a foot and then forward a foot. Only after that did I drive it around a side street a bit. After doing that 5-6 times I ws ready to go out on the road.