Don't wanna get better?

Is it only me or are here others who doesn't really want to get better?

I make up excuses for myself all the time, though it doesn't feel like excuses, but I've realized that that might just be what they are.
I have doubts about getting better. Maybe it isn't that great being social, being out there. Maybe this is just who I am, maybe this is how I'm supposed to be and how I'm most comfortable being like. What if I would still be a really boring and unsocial person even without AvPD (I don't have a diagnosis on it, but I'm pretty sure that's what I have). Perhaps it is impossible for me to improve. Or what if I lost all my creative skills like writing and painting if I become healthy and social?!
Maybe I'm not even avoidant, maybe I'm just being really silly and there's nothing to improve.

If I would go for therapy for this I would never want to go through CBT or anything like that. I would just like to get my diagnosis and then sit and talk about my problems to get validation and lots of psychoanalysis stuff for it. It's like I don't want to improve, I'm not desperate to get better. I hate having these problems, but on the same time I don't really want to let go of them and I don't really believe in getting rid of them. I just want to know more about them, get validation and get to the roots of my problems.
Maybe I'm afraid it will be too easy to get rid of them, that the psychologist will tell me I never really had problems on the same time as I'm afraid I'll totally fail getting better? I don't really know.

Does anyone else have the same problem/thoughts/doubts?

Perhaps, I´m totally wrong but it seems to me that you are full of fear now or just the opposite, you are beginning to like yourself or accept your way.
Personally, I want to get better and I´m indeed better. Things are not black or white, there is a balance. You don´t need to be the most opened up person but you neither need to be a loner.
Said that, going to a therapy could help you to set your mind, it said artists (for example, a writer like you) to have a creative mind with millions of thoughts and anspirations that have to been channaled in some way.

As you always says, sorry for the kick in the ass of English language. I´m trying to improving each day!

I would say that 98% of the poeple here on the avpd forum really dont want to get better , sure they to TALK about how it would be to have a partner , group of friends , being social , getting rid of the past deomons. But they DO nothing about it .

In a rare occotions that someone does try to take riks, go to therapy, taking social actions. They have a tendacy to give up fairly easaly

What they do want is to complain and as you said yourself seek validation how tuff it is out there.

If you where to open a topic about having fanatasys, you will be stunned about the replays and how everybody can relate to the $#%^ you say

Open a topic on various therapies that might benifit you , you will be lucky if anyone responds at all

I think it could be some sort of weird combination of those two; I'm afraid of trying to get better on the same time as I'm almost accepting things the way they are.
Good thing you mentioned the black and white thinking. Gosh, I do that too damn often! Sure you could be something inbetween, I just tend to think like you're either the biggest loner in the world or the most outgoing crazy little partyanimal ever, haha!
I'm glad you're willing to get better, twistermind

Haha, I'm flattered XD But what if the therapy "steals" all my thoughts, I mean; work them out till there's nothing left to write about?
I think artists - and especially writers - are the hardest people to help through therapy (ok, maybe not the hardest according to all the much worse mental illnesses there is in this world, but at least when it comes to less dramatic problems). They're so attached to their problems, because they're actually getting something good out of the all the stuff. They also seem to tend to think too much about everything and always create new problems for themselves. And they're very stubborn people, haha.
I don't know if any of that is true, the thought just struck me today when I watched some documentary about people with OCD. The woman did everything she could to face her fears throughout the CBT therapy while the writer-man made up thousands of excuses to not deal with his destructive behaviour.
Gosh, never mind what I just wrote!

I feel kind of criticized when I read your post, nevergive_up. Don't know if that's what you intended by it... But anyway... I don't really want to argue about it.

Some months ago I actually tried to get better for a while. I felt ready for it and I stopped hanging on so much to my problems. And it worked for a while. I didn't really manage to make any big improvements, I didn't even manage to take part of the group at school, but I sure felt more confident about myself for a while and like I was capable of getting better sometime. But then I was all back again... Giving up.

I have already started a topic on fantasies, nevergive_up, you sure make me feel like an idiot now

I should go and hide somewhere. Though I'm kind of proud of myself for daring to post in forums now which I didn't dare to before. I now know can survive the criticism, haha! XD

@orange, there is always a topic to write about. Look at you bookshelf and if there isn´t a topic touched in any of your books, voilà, here you have a topic.
The thing is that a therapist could help you to know yourself better, anything you can do in this sense is good. He/she is a "tool" to make you see inside you and to understand your surroundings. Knowledge-acceptance-freedom to choose from a more realistic point.
I can only talk you from my experience about my therapies, perhaps there is another way to get this process. I´m not proud of being an avoidant. Avoidance is something that came with me. The disorder doesn´t make a better or a worse person of me.
@never-give up, my dear croatian friend, I have been in this forum for more than a year and believe me, I never seen before so many people who were diagnosed and so many people who went to a therapist or followed one or another kind of therapy. They are taking action, honey. Ok, we are sometimes the kings of excuses, but it´s our disorder who talks.

orange wrote:Though I'm kind of proud of myself for daring to post in forums now which I didn't dare to before. I now know can survive the criticism, haha! XD

Absolutely! I still can't get over that you're only 18! Wow, I wish I had your brain when I was that age. Hope you keep on posting! BTW, don't worry about therapy or any form of help taking away your creative edge. The gift you have will never leave you, it will continue to expand as you do.

Rusty

Aaw, you're so sweet! You make me feel a lot better and more confident about myself ^^ thank you a lot

I'm not really 18 yet, not till the end of the summer, haha, but I'll keep on posting I promise you! I'm also considering therapy as soon as I've turned 18, so I can do it without my parents having to know about it or being involved in it.
I'm sure you were just as smart as me at my age Otherwise you've made some really good improvements since then. You seem like such a nice and smart person

orange wrote:
I feel kind of criticized when I read your post, nevergive_up. Don't know if that's what you intended by it... But anyway... I don't really want to argue about it.

Some months ago I actually tried to get better for a while. I felt ready for it and I stopped hanging on so much to my problems. And it worked for a while. I didn't really manage to make any big improvements, I didn't even manage to take part of the group at school, but I sure felt more confident about myself for a while and like I was capable of getting better sometime. But then I was all back again... Giving up.

I have already started a topic on fantasies, nevergive_up, you sure make me feel like an idiot now

I should go and hide somewhere. Though I'm kind of proud of myself for daring to post in forums now which I didn't dare to before. I now know can survive the criticism, haha! XD

Take eveything I say witch a pich of salt, I might sound like a dick something but remember my intentions are good . There is no need to feel like an idiot for having fantasy's its a commen theme amoung avpd's . Just took that as an example to make a piont , dindent know that you just opened a similer topic like that lol

You seem like a smart guy, try to use that brain of yours for selfimprovement instead of selfsabotoge. There are tons can achieve a better life then you have right now. But its up to you to do something with it

Whenever you think you can or cant do it your propably right

My dear spanish friend , what happens in these sessions?

Do you talk about how you spend your last month ?

Or do you work to the core of your problems?

What happens AFTER you are walking away from the therapist office?

You try to step out of your boundryzone( in steps you can handle) or keep suppling ''facts'' why its not possible to act that way?

I know I cant accept a pro action attitude on a avpd forum . But I would like to see some more commitment, how small it may be ...

orange wrote:Aaw, you're so sweet! You make me feel a lot better and more confident about myself ^^ thank you a lot

You're welcome. You have lots of reasons to feel good about yourself. Sometimes dark clouds come in and cover them up but keep looking for those rays of sunshine and you'll find them.

I'm not really 18 yet, not till the end of the summer, haha,

Well now, ONLY 17!! Are you trying to make me fall out of my chair and hit my head??? Good Lord! lol...

I'm sure you were just as smart as me at my age Otherwise you've made some really good improvements since then. You seem like such a nice and smart person

Well thank you very much. I do appreciate your compliment. I hope you follow through and talk with someone when you reach 18. There's good in life to be had, sometimes we just have to reach for it is all.

Take care,

Rusty

Nevergive_up wrote:I know I cant accept a pro action attitude on a avpd forum . But I would like to see some more commitment, how small it may be ...

Hi Nevergive_up,

I can appreciate your determination and even frustration for other people to feel better. I too truly wish the best for everyone here. Thing is though everyone has their own path to follow. A gentle push can be helpful at times but kicking someone down the path will just knock them over. Even two people from the same family, with all they share in common, will experience life differently.

All of us here have felt a lot of pain in life but each person's pain is unique to them and to process that everyone must proceed at their own pace and in their own way even if that means just stopping in our tracks from time to time. For those who don't want to walk the path at all their decision has to respected. It is after all their life and their choice. For many if not most, this forum may be the only place where our thoughts can be shared in peace. As a fellow sufferer of AvPD I know you can respect and understand that.

With respect,

Rusty