Don't wanna get better?

Nevergive_up wrote:
Take eveything I say witch a pich of salt, I might sound like a dick something but remember my intentions are good . There is no need to feel like an idiot for having fantasy's its a commen theme amoung avpd's . Just took that as an example to make a piont , dindent know that you just opened a similer topic like that lol

You seem like a smart guy, try to use that brain of yours for selfimprovement instead of selfsabotoge. There are tons can achieve a better life then you have right now. But its up to you to do something with it

Whenever you think you can or cant do it your propably right

My dear spanish friend , what happens in these sessions?

Do you talk about how you spend your last month ?

Or do you work to the core of your problems?

What happens AFTER you are walking away from the therapist office?

You try to step out of your boundryzone( in steps you can handle) or keep suppling ''facts'' why its not possible to act that way?

I know I cant accept a pro action attitude on a avpd forum . But I would like to see some more commitment, how small it may be ...

Haha, I'm glad you think I seem like a smart Spanish guy, too bad you missed that I'm a female... from Sweden. Anyway, thanks for the compliment

It's good you want people to improve, that your intentions are good, but I think many avoidants take the things you say as criticism. I don't want you to feel criticised either, just wanted you to know people can get hurt by it.

@ Never_give up wrote:
My dear spanish friend , what happens in these sessions?

Do you talk about how you spend your last month ?

Or do you work to the core of your problems?

What happens AFTER you are walking away from the therapist office?

You try to step out of your boundryzone( in steps you can handle) or keep suppling ''facts'' why its not possible to act that way?

I know I cant accept a pro action attitude on a avpd forum . But I would like to see some more commitment, how small it may be ...

I reply: I´m now walking alone. I´m not in therapy since last October. But, along last year I was attending to sessions weekly. I can say with proud, that I was working in each aspect I need in each moment. there was a great feedback between my therapist and I. I was mainly working in anxiety and its causes, as well as the way to cope with it. I also was working in assertiveness, social abilities and mainly irrational thoughts.
Obviously, it´s a bit different when you attend to a therapy for the first time, that it wasn´t my case. In the former case, you have to look for the causes of your avoidance along with the therapists´help.

To answer your question about the post-therapy moment, I sometimes felt really good, full of hope( I made the job) and in other ocassions I also felt well but add a feeling of atonishement because I discovered something about me or my reactions towards others I never realiced before.
I´m with you. at the beginning, when I joined the avoidant forum ( simultaneusly to being dianosed), I tried to stick all kinds of possitive messages and I need to share with people that it was possible to see things more possitively. I sticked my exposure therapy, posts about assertiveness and all kinds of things...but what can I say, they take me to the dark side
Then, I understood that is usual that people come to the forum to expouse their problems, their need to rant, even their desperation, as well as many other come here to give them a light.

Never give_up: believe me, I feel well. My commitment is to go to work everyday. I enjoy my job. I love these "little savages" who are waiting for me at school. I enjoy talking to most of my co-workers. I have been assertive with each mother or father who came to talk to me. I´m well with my family. I see now people as people and not as I used to see them before "a threatening or someone whose hobby was bothering me". I look inside me and I see a person with faults but with lots of values. There is nothing better than go to bed and say "I´m proud of me". Is this a progress?

@orange: I would never guess your age for your posts. You´re so young. You have a whole life to improve but only tell you that be carefull, your age could be a double-edged knife. That´s the time when I decided everyone was againts me and I close in my room for seven years. Anyway, you´re so ###$ young that I envy you.

In my short time on this forum it's been very helpful to read about others who are struggling the same way I do.

Accepting AvPD is one step. It's all about accepting how I came to be: why I have done things the way I do, why I think the way I do and how the past events out of my control.

The next step is to acknowledge that I'm not my disorder. It's hard. I do get the sense that when someone says, "hey, this is the real me" that it's sometimes more of an attachment to the disorder and an easy excuse to not try. I'm someone who can go weeks without talking to another soul, who doesn't have any friends and is afraid to make a telephone call to inquire about something because just by asking means that I must be dumb...Is that the real me? I hope not. It's my behaviour and thought patterns...things that can change.

The real me does prefer avoiding. It's easier. It's safer. But, I'm not happy. My coping mechanisms to date haven't been working for me. I long for connections, relationships, being free to explore and just do things without fear.

I seem to get on a roll for a while. With lots and lots of deep breaths, I take chances and get out there. Joined classes, volunteered, made commitments to meet for coffee...only to back away from everything. I've started "fresh" so many times, tried different approaches, only to end up with the same results. I wouldn't say that I gave up every time because it seems to happen slowly and not entirely consciously. However, I am still determined to keep on trying. I keep in mind what it was like when I was feeling accepted by friends or helping people.

Oh yeah...the comment about artists struck me. I'm an artist and have worked as a researcher. It's a double edge sword for me. Being alone in my thoughts does fuel my creativity and curiosity. Not having any commitments means that I can be alone to work free from distractions. But, the big problem is that I rarely share my work. Even if I have done a painting or drawing that I am proud of, showing it is terrifying. Sharing my notes, sketches or ideas, anything in progress, is difficult. This fear prevents me from finishing a lot of work and even starting. Realizing why I do this saddens me. I am talented and intelligent. I do have things to say. I want to contribute to the world.

Reading the positive remarks on this thread gives me the extra bit of hope and encouragement that I needed today. I meet with a new therapist next week and am determined to be as upfront as I can about me and my issues. Every day is a new day.... Thank you all!

I'm the same way as you orange. I want to get better, but at the same time I'm scared to and I want to stay in my little shell. I've noticed that many avpds are good at writing or art. I think maybe we are better than the average person because our thoughts and expressions saturate in our minds and then spill all over the paper when we write or draw. I'm known as a good writer in my class myself and my teacher said that she notices that quieter people tend to be better writers.

OFF TOPIC: How do you know if your thread got rejected? I posted mine last night.

I don't know what to say about this but it terms of getting better, I just want to say I am the oldest of this bunch and have experience a lot of things you shouldn't have but you see at 20 years old, I've been through a lot and still am going through a bit but in terms of getting help, I may soon take the chance of going back to therapy but with a different therapist. This is a hard decision because of the past history I have with bad therapists. But that will be for a later time.

It's not a question of want, it's not just a question of will as well - it's a question of how far will you go? how hard will you push back?

I am feeling now that my whole life is at risk. It's so easy for me to just sleep really late every night, skip work, stare at the monitor 24/7 and be a hermit ... at work, my mood swing is pretty severe and anxiety is high too. This has nothing to do whether I want to change, cos in fact, with me wanting it - it may just increase my anxiety.

You're right. I go to bed late myself now. I just am afraid.

I feel like my avoidance caused me to become more perceptive in general, and I have become more focused, and better at memorizing things. But I would trade that to be more normal.

I just see a lot of rambling going on and not much talk on the topic. I don't really feel comfortable in this group.