Day dreaming

sfguy hit the nail on the head.
There is no way I could talk to her normally without knowing there was something we could talk about.

Someone on here a while back said they couldn't do small talk. But ask them a question like;
"would you rather be a horse that couldn't swim, or a monkey with two left feet?"
and they'd be able to have a conversation......

I'm the same and that's probably why people used to call me crazy.
I used to talk about rhinos with fly squatters tied to their tails because I couldn't talk about the weather.

sfguy75x wrote:

veles wrote:Im from new zealand and just recently one of my friends told me that apparently some statistics show that NZ women are the most accessible women in the world.

Huh what does that mean?

It means New Zealand women are sluts. That's how I read it anyway.

OK here we go...

New Zealand women have the most sexual partners in the world, according to a global sex survey reported on Saturday.

They have an average of 20.4 sexual partners, according to a survey by condom-maker Durex - well above the global average of 7.3.

The Durex Sexual Wellbeing Global survey, which questioned 26,000 people in 26 countries, found that Austrians topped the male list with 29.3 sexual partners, more than twice the global average of 13.2.

New Zealand was the only country where women were more promiscuous than their men, who averaged 16.8 sexual partners, The Press newspaper said, reporting the survey.

Hmm.. do they like Americans?

sfguy75x, i don't know what they like, but the stats show that they are sluts
i've actually seen dudes who look like absolute hobos being approached by women and start a conversation with them and i've heard plenty of wild stories from my friends which make me think that these statistics only show the tip of an iceberg, so i guess they love everything. However as i said before, it only makes me feel worse when everybody around me seems to take women for granted, when i stopped even fantasizing about it. being the odd one out is what gets me the most...

sfguy75x wrote:

veles wrote:hmmm... getting a phone number doesn't mean anything - its what you do with that number that counts.

It means something to a shy person. If you're too shy to even get the number, then "what you do with that number" is exactly nothing. Getting the number obviously isn't the ultimate goal, but this is one of those crawl-before-you-can-think-about-walking things.

veles wrote:because why would you want to have someone's phone number who you don't feel comfortable talking to?

Because shy guys rarely feel comfortable talking to anybody, especially women. There's no way to overcome that without deliberately forcing yourself to act outside your comfort zone, and learning how to cope with the resulting anxiety.

veles wrote:Im from new zealand and just recently one of my friends told me that apparently some statistics show that NZ women are the most accessible women in the world.

Huh what does that mean?

good points there. i'm not much of a talker myself, im finding it very difficult to make conversations with people in general, let alone women i might be interested in. Another thing that bothers me a lot, is making the other person feel uncomfortable with your presence - even when you see that you're not getting on well, why stay and irritate the girl even more? i see no point in taking things to the point where she openly tells you to F-off. Thats why i don't even try to get any phone numbers, not so much because im afraid to, but because i don't believe i can make anything out of it. I've tried it before though, made an ass out of myself a couple of times and now i even regret trying. May sound pathetic, but forcing comfort in a relationship just doesn't work for me. As Mark Twain once said, "it is better to keep your mouth shut and let others think you're an idiot than to open it and remove all doubts."

veles wrote: Another thing that bothers me a lot, is making the other person feel uncomfortable with your presence - even when you see that you're not getting on well, why stay and irritate the girl even more?

But here's the issue: what does "not getting on well" mean? Usually it means that you aren't comfortable. And if your own anxiety level is too high, then can't help being self-centered in that moment. Your own feelings are so overwhelming that you can't possibly have any idea what she is feeling. All your have are your own fears projected onto her. Something like: "I'm not comfortable, so obviously she hates me" which actually doesn't make logical sense at all. (although it makes perfect crazy emotional sense which is why it's so convincing)
The worst part, if you somehow summon up some crazy courage and ask the girl for her number anyway at that moment, she will reject you... but it's not because she doesn't like you, it's because women feel uncomfortable when a man isn't enjoying himself around her. She'll reject you because of your nervousness, she'll think you don't like her and will interpret the fact that you asked her even though you don't like her as making you a wishy-washy weirdo.

Bottom line: if you're trying to make conversation with a woman and you're too nervous and it isn't flowing, don't worry about it so much. Just excuse yourself from the conversation... but talk to her again later after you've calmed down. If there's a moment when you do start to feel comfortable, then you can ask for her number. If you somehow manage to train yourself not to be nervous, then you can ask for any girls number, and with high probability actually get it.

veles wrote:i see no point in taking things to the point where she openly tells you to F-off.

The funny thing is, that rarely happens. Most women who spend any time in social places have a lot of practice rejecting random guys, they know how to do it gracefully. Frankly, if you arouse a high enough emotional response that she actually tells you to "F-off", then you've made an impression and quite possibly still have a shot.

veles wrote:Thats why i don't even try to get any phone numbers, not so much because im afraid to, but because i don't believe i can make anything out of it. I've tried it before though, made an ass out of myself a couple of times and now i even regret trying.

Yup, but hopefully you'll think about what I said and realize that the mistake wasn't the fact that you asked at all, it was the fact that you asked at the wrong time and in the wrong mental state.

You said yourself that getting a girl's phone number is no big deal. Well, that's actually true. What you need to do is remember that at the moment you want to ask. It's not a big deal, so there's no logical reason to be nervous about it. Most women aren't offended by guys asking for their number, even if they're not interested.
Easier said that done, believe me I know, but think about it.

You know this whole thing reminds me of a story a friend told.

This guy would ask a girl for her number/to dance etc.
If she said NO then he'd reply:

"Sorry, you must have missed heard me. I said you're a slag".

There's a part of me that has always wanted to do this.