Good back to college or work

Hey everybody i am new to this forum, so bare with with me.

Its m second day of uni and we are in freshers week. Basically what is supose to be the most social time of uni. Instead i am in my room listening to the fun outside. How pathetic right?! I knew this was going to happen, so i sorta prepared myself for the next week of loniness and looking really antisocial. However this is not to say i have not tried i have spoken to my flat mates all of whom seem rally nice. But the rest of the block were to over whelming! As a results of not being able to intergrate with them i have not really been able to bond with the rest of my roomies and have sorta sidelined.

Basically wha i am trying to get at is, can anyone give me a few stories of how they got through uni? I know what i should, what i am doing and how bad i am looking. But well as i am sure you will all know, being aware is by no means the hardest step. Any feed abck will be reassuring. Just to be able to relate is always comforting. I have never been so scard. Socailising has never been my grestest strenghth i am so scard that my uni years are ruined from the go because of this. Because of my inability to make simple conversaton to expand it into a form of relationship. to bond with people.

Hey i am in my second day of uni during freshers week. The wha is meant to be the most social week of uni and here i am in my room listening to the fun outside...

I was just hoping for stoies really or something to relate to, reassurence mainly. I know i need to be more out going and that not everything i say is stupid. Tha everybody is in the same boat as me and that i just need to try. But as i am sure you are all know, being aware and admitting to yourself is not the hard part.

I have never been so terrified in my life and i have managed to screw this up in a matter of a day. i spoke to my room mates, but the block was to over whelming and so i have started to retreat. Now i am pretty sure they all think i am boring or stuck up. And lets face it it is a bit of both. i just dont want my uni years to be memories of more isolation wasted oppotunities. Just because of this. HELP!

Hi 5020,

When I started college, I could barely bring myself to open my mouth to speak, and I could'nt even walk down the street without feeling nervous. i used to walk with my head down, trying to hide from the woreld. I wore clothes that were too big for me and I felt like everyone was staring at me. When I spoke, it was only one word at a time. I recall people calling me a 'mute' and a 'corner' boy. Anyway, ignore this big social week that's happening now... ...There will be more time to get to know the people in your group as the year progresses. Be aware that it could take a long time for you to get to know people though. Everyone is trying to 'find their feet', but you might take a bit longer than most to find yours. However, you MUST realise that there are other people like you starting university now too, and some of those could even be in your group. Not everyone likes going out drinking and partying. To be hones, I hate the thought of it.

Kevin

5020 wrote:Hey everybody i am new to this forum, so bare with with me.

Its m second day of uni and we are in freshers week. Basically what is supose to be the most social time of uni. Instead i am in my room listening to the fun outside. How pathetic right?! I knew this was going to happen, so i sorta prepared myself for the next week of loniness and looking really antisocial. However this is not to say i have not tried i have spoken to my flat mates all of whom seem rally nice. But the rest of the block were to over whelming! As a results of not being able to intergrate with them i have not really been able to bond with the rest of my roomies and have sorta sidelined.

Basically wha i am trying to get at is, can anyone give me a few stories of how they got through uni? I know what i should, what i am doing and how bad i am looking. But well as i am sure you will all know, being aware is by no means the hardest step. Any feed abck will be reassuring. Just to be able to relate is always comforting. I have never been so scard. Socailising has never been my grestest strenghth i am so scard that my uni years are ruined from the go because of this. Because of my inability to make simple conversaton to expand it into a form of relationship. to bond with people.

I never formed any friendships in college. I mainly took classes where you didn't have to interact. I didn't ever live on campus. I walked up to school 2 miles, took my classes, and walked back home. I'm afraid that's not a real help to you, is it? Sorry. But it seemed to me that to be social in college you had to drink a lot. I never drank and I had no urge to drink.

Do you have any hobbies? Perhaps there is a club at the uni. I used to play chess. There was not a good club at the uni, but there was one in town. I formed some acquaintances there anyway.

Yea i have few societies in mind and activities i want to start getting into. Its just this useless start i supose. Maybe if i just ignore this week as you said and just see how things go.

As long as you're getting out there, you should be fine. Right now there should be little to no course work, so it's a good time to focus your energies on going around making a good first impression toward other people. Don't worry thinking you have to knock their socks off. Come across as friendly with a bit of spark in your eyes and assurance in your step and you should be good. The first few weeks is the best time to meet people since everyone else will be adapting to a new environment, and will not have their prior social circles as a safeguard. You'll be interesting to new people just because they want to get to know you and see if you can be a long-term friend, or even just a contact/study buddy. You might not even know the extent of your social success until later down the road when you run into other people again or take a class with someone who wants to review or do homework or whatever. Just being around will signal to other people that you are also interested in meeting others, so go ahead and put yourself in situations where you can't be avoidant. You might be pleasantly surprised at what happens next

m1norityofone984 is right. I think it's best to get out there now. People also tend to stick by the first impression they get of you. Right now you may be making the impression that you are the lone _______. You fill in the blank. Some people think loners are stuck up. It may just make it harder to socialize later on.

5020 wrote:Yea i have few societies in mind and activities i want to start getting into. Its just this useless start i supose. Maybe if i just ignore this week as you said and just see how things go.

Which ones dude? I get really angry when my family tell me (every year) that I have to join a society in the university. It's now caught-on to my other relatives too, and everyone just seems to say it out of habit now. Well, I don't want to join any society - I do things my way. besides, all of these societies are the same: They all just focus on getting drunk in some pub, ultimately. Okay, this is a gross exaggeration, but my point is clear.

Yea, but its not the whole getting drunk i am trying to avoide i have no problem with that. Its the fear people are going to find me annoying, boring and yea... I just figure soceties will give me something to look forward to. After all i can't sit in my room for the rest of the year. Its only been 3 days and i am already getting depressed!

I want to join the debating society and then maybe something else depending on whats available. You are uni?

That 'fear' that you speak of is paranoia, and there's a hint of low self-esteem there too. You feel that if you went to one of these places that people would not want you there. This is entirely wrong, and they'd actually appreciate more people there. Funding for societies is based on how many members join, after all (the students' union funds them). Actually, the funding process might be different in your country. Anyway - yeh - Im doing research work toward getting a PhD here at a university. I emmigrated to the UK having just completed my honours degree in Ireland. What course are you about to start?