I need some guidance.

Hi guys.

I have been going around with an emptiness for years now. It all really escalated when I turned 18, where my life started "greying" out. I started to become unsatisfied with myself, my results in life, my very existence. I felt more and more out of place, irrelevant, unable to break free of the shackles I began to create myself. I began to grow nervous of people around me, I felt like I was the single most disgusting guy on earth, that everyone could see how sad and unappealing I was. Nothing that I did was good enough, and I began to isolate myself, staying home from school, not answering my phone when people was calling. And it all went to hell in winter 07-08, where, when I had been drinking at a party or out in town, freaked out, went suicidal and aggressive on myself or stuff around me. Never any other person.

It went okay thereafter, and over the summer, when I was taking antidepressants, my life felt okay. Then I had to move out on my own, and it didn't take long before all went to hell, and I became addicted to pot and hashish.

Over the winter, I completely isolated myself, and i managed to reach a personal debt of 3.700 dollars, and spent 15.000 dollars on nothing more than selfmedicating habits, because of a large inherit from my passed-away mother. I've been diagnosed with social phobia/anxiety several time, but couldn't believe it to be just that. Then i recently found out i had AvPD, and I'm seeking some guidance!

I've read that self hypnosis/visualization could help, but I need something that i can grasp. If anyone have any experience about how to handle this, please let me know... I'm kinda desperate. And I would also like to know how OCPD can influence the whole thing.

//Simon

Hey,

Sorry I didn't respond sooner. i've been posting about compensatory narcs and psycho loner killers.

When you freaked out and got the anti-depressants did they offer you any psychotherapy? It is much better to treat avpd with that plus some medication if needed. It is much easier for docs to just give you some pills unfortunately.

The best technique for any type of social anxiety is supposed to be CBT - cognitave behavioral therapy. You can just look up the principles and see if that helps. It might.

It sounds like you must be going through some other problems. Your mother recently passed away. How is your relationship with your father and the rest of your family? Family and friends are a very important aspect of someones mental health.

And the drugs. I know they help mask the pain. but when you go off of them you feel it much worse. You don't know how to deal with emotions after being on drugs like that. If your habit is really bad you may have to go to rehab.

Well, my mother passed away a relatively long time ago, when i was 4, and I've had therapy, and worked out the whole deal with my mother, but my relationship to my dad and my stepmom i awkward, I feel inadequate in their eyes, and feel like they're expecting something, even though they say they aren't.

I've gotten out of my addiction, and it's well now, but the emptiness and the weariness is still there.

self hypnosis and visualisation can definately help my freind. it is hard work though. i think basicly we have built up a negative way of thinking from early on in our life and we basicly need to start changing those ingrained thoughts. it is not about how we look or our personalitys that is wrong with us, that is not whats wrong with you, you are not a horrible person you just have horrible unhelpful thoughts.
theres lots of things you could try to do but i think its important that you are commited to make a change in your life first and foremost.

Well, I'm trying different techniques, but I'm having trouble holding my thoughts, and I can't really keep focus, but I guess it takes training, like everything else. What kinda visualization should I try?