“So, what do you do for fun?”

This may be applicable to some people and not to others. It depends on how much you have let AvPD affect your life. I, myself, no longer have any social life to speak of, or any hobbies. I've written this in terms of common everyday barriers which must be overcome in order to develop a relationship, be it friendship or romance.


“So, what do you do for fun?”

This is THE standard question for any new or catch-up conversations, and it serves as a basic informational tool to see in part whether there's compatibility in terms of liking someone.

It is inherent in all of us to move toward people who seem similar to us. The saying that opposites attract may be true for some people, but as I see it, like-minded people attract more than opposites. We search for people who have done similar things or who have had similar experiences as us.

In any interaction, we're placed on a scale (which measures another person's view of us, either in a positive or negative regard [so essentially a scale of likability]) As familiarity increases, it takes more and more to change our placement on that scale, with significant actions leading to major adjustments and everything else having a much smaller effect.

With this scale to serve as an evaluative tool, you usually start out fairly neutral in any interaction/first time meeting with someone, plus or minus the effects of any past interactions (if there were any), as well as the general stuff like how well you dress/your appearance and your general demeanor, with a variability dependent on personal character. Any negative aspects or blunders in a conversation lower your level on the scale, and any feelings of mutual understanding or sameness raise your level.

“So, what do you do for fun?”

You may possess the necessary skill set/social skills, but regardless, if you can't answer this question well, then there's no where to go but down on the scale.

“Oh, so you don't have fun then... then I guess you're not a very fun person.... incapable of having any... ......goodbye”

A reasonable response from anyone with a social life would be
drinking, partying, hanging out, going to concerts or the beach, etc.

One option in order to overcome this is to lie, and be skillful at it, but then there are the dreaded follow-up questions, which not only require confidence but ingenuity in terms of lying to fit your previous lie, and this route gets more and more confusing as time goes on, all dependent on the level of curiosity of the person with whom you're speaking.

Saying nothing is not an option either, and neither is the truth.
…..so I've molded my life into an empty shell, without much excitement/fun/contentment/interest, and as time has gone on, I've gotten stuck, unable to crawl out, regardless of the level of want, and the more time that goes by, the more strangulated I get, causing more and more damage.

Yeah, honesty.... that's bound to liven up any conversation


I would think that most people on here are either better adapted in society, have given up, or just lie.

Does anyone else have similar problems when it comes to this question? It's so generic, that it's apart of almost every first time interaction I've ever had.

hmm yea this is a pretty horrible question that instantly makes me feel bad.

i would probably just make up some kind of joke answer that avoids answering it seriously.

Hmmm....my answer would depend on who I was talking to and how drunk I was.

Sometimes I would just make up a ridiculous lie to be funny. Something like planning the millets Everest challenge. Which is climbing mount Everest using only supplies from millets.

Mostly I'd tell a half truth like, go out with friends, and hobbies.
Which I do, but I have only seen any of my friends once in the last month.
All my hobbies are solitary affairs, but I do enjoy them.

I would never say:
I don't have fun any more. Something died inside me a long time ago and now I am unable to experience any form of happiness.

-

Mainly video games. But I love to shoot guns and bows, but ammo is expensive, and I'm too lazy to shoot my bow. So its just web surfing and video games for the last few weeks.

But that's not what i tell people. People would think I'm a homicidal wacko. So i just lie. As always.

How about the dreaded, "So, do you have a girlfriend?" I was asked this with one of my co workers and basically said, "No, had one last year (not really) but my grades slipped so I'm concentrating on college, now." His response, "Do you think your college work is interfering with your ability to meet people?" (With a depressing tone) "Not... really"

You pretty much nailed the scenario down, though... and in the passed I've had the same "deer caught in the headlights" responses. Lately I've just been lying... it's the only way to get through the interrogation without feeling like $#%^.

Like my other coworker asked me a couple weeks ago, since I'm 21 and all... "Do they card you at the liquor stores you go to." Old response (hesitantly) "I... uh, haven't bought any beer yet." New response (jokingly) "When I grow out my beard they don't, lulz!"

I think preparing for these questions and making sure you're not caught off guard is the best way to combat this... fluff off the questions with stereotypical answers... Q: What do you do for fun? A: (In a joking way) I GET HAMMERED AT THE BAR, MAN! I GRIND ON EVERY BROAD WITHIN A TEN FOOT RADIUS! Be general and if the questions get too specific, play dumb and change the subject. Over the last few years I've realized that if you want to start a satisfying social life from scratch being an avoidant, letting people know the truth (verbally or expressively) will get you nowhere fast.

Yeah you don't wanna be honest when someone asks you what you do for fun if you don't go out or hang around people. I remember once, when someone asked me that years ago, I decided to be funny and when asked what I'd be doing that weekend I replied "masturbating with my tears". That, of course, is an avoidant joke and they thought it was hilarious without realizing I was an avoidant so my joke worked. They asked me to come hang out with them and I did. And everything was fine. And let me stress that that REALLY was a joke. I've never used tears, the friction is just no good.

I really did used to be a shut in though but I've gotten better. I love going to concerts, movies or whatever. I'm slowly expanding my circle of friends. I think it's the other part of me that can't handle being alone. The avoidant says "screw it, why bother. it's pointless" but the other side says "I need to be around people! I'm going insane! I can't be alone!"

I've noticed that when in a relationship I allow myself to become more avoidant. I have no abandonment fear if the person makes me feel they aren't going anywhere so I allow the avoidance to kick in and keep me "safe". When the relationship ends and they of course "abandon" my avoidant ass then the panic kicks in and I switch gears from avoidance to a mad dash to meet people. It's a really weird thing. It's like a battlezone combat between the avoidant army and the borderline troops.

I really need to keep working on this. I'm getting better at trying to find the "normal" middle ground.

And for fun, you just can't beat video games. Of course, you generally can't tell people that or you'll look like a loser. That is unless you're talking to a nerd, or an avoidant.

AAAAAHHHHHGGGGGHHH!!!!!!!!

I hate when people ask this question. I always just make up some buIIshit to get them off my back

Need4Weed wrote:How about the dreaded, "So, do you have a girlfriend?"

I'm always suprised by this question.

ME?!?
Have a GIRLFRIEND?!?!? BWAHAHAHA

The fact anybody could consider me suitably human enough to have a girlfriend is well, quite frankly...disturbing.
I've been beating myself up, and knocking my self-esteem down for so long that the thought of actually having a girlfriend is quite ridiculous.
My friends seem to be able to start a relationship, break up, get over it and move on 2-3 times a year (in some, not all cases). I have no idea how they do it.
Well actually I do. They go out meet people, then ask them out.
Were as I never go out. If I meet someone I'm fantasize endless about them and A)never ask them out, or B)ask them out and be destoryed when they say no. Then not have the courage to do so again. The last time I asked someone out in person was 2005.

Oh, and:

"masturbating with my tears"

Genius. I'll be using that in the future.

Bright eyes wrote:

Need4Weed wrote:How about the dreaded, "So, do you have a girlfriend?"

I'm always suprised by this question.

ME?!?
Have a GIRLFRIEND?!?!? BWAHAHAHA

The fact anybody could consider me suitably human enough to have a girlfriend is well, quite frankly...disturbing.
I've been beating myself up, and knocking my self-esteem down for so long that the thought of actually having a girlfriend is quite ridiculous.
My friends seem to be able to start a relationship, break up, get over it and move on 2-3 times a year (in some, not all cases). I have no idea how they do it.
Well actually I do. They go out meet people, then ask them out.
Were as I never go out. If I meet someone I'm fantasize endless about them and A)never ask them out, or B)ask them out and be destoryed when they say no. Then not have the courage to do so again. The last time I asked someone out in person was 2005.

Oh, and:

"masturbating with my tears"

Genius. I'll be using that in the future.

Bright Eyes and I think a lot alike in this area. When people ask about the gf I like to say that I have a Brooke Burke poster. Brooke has NEVER let me down.