Do you guys like people?

"Miles" - Can you use kilometers instead? I really can't tand that Imperial system of weights and measures You're right though: first impressions are important, and considering that I've recognised this, I always now put a lot of effort into social occasions where I am meeting new people. I'm four weeks into my PhD now and am aroumnd new people. The first week took a lot of effort out of me, but now things have calmed down somewhat and I am still able to hold a conversdation with my colleagues. I can feel them (the conversations) getting less longer and more 'strange' (as is typical with me), but that's fine.

veles wrote:yeah, i think a lot of it also depends on HOW you say it. you may be talking about absolute crap with confidence written all over your forehead and people will find you amusing, on the other hand if you feel restrained, yet find some courage to squeeze even a well prepared joke out of your mouth, people may will probably find you weird and off-putting. particularly women - they can smell fear and anxiety miiiiiiiiiiles away. and they hate it... if you screw it up the first time, it is very likely that they would not give you a second chance, because the first impression means a lot... most women i met in this life are cold and merciless i'm literally afraid of them =)

Particularly women, why? It´s curious I feel the same in relation to men.
This is only the proof that our anxiety is higher with the oppossite sex and in some way, we see this reflecting.

Parador wrote:

Chucky wrote:. Oh yeh, I was going to say that my next 'big' thing to look forward to is the time when the financial 'boom' behind sports such as American Football and Soccer explodes, and then all of those extremely overpaid sports stars get paid normal wages, just like we do.

Don't hold your breath on that. I can't see that happening real soon. The Dallas Cowboy football team just built a new 1.1 BILLION dollar stadium. It sold out the other night with over 100,000 fans.

That place is ridiculous!

Though, sports stars could see much smaller wages in the next few years, at least in America. The NFL has requested that a case against them that was previously squashed be allowed to go all the way to the Supreme Court. It sounds crazy at first, but it actually makes a lot of sense. The risk is that they lose a little bit of money because they struck a deal with a particular company to make authentic jerseys, etc. But, their expected defense is to claim that the entire league operates as a single entity. And, if their comparatively (to this small company suing them) endless legal resources help the Justices feel the same way, it means that the player's union will have essentially no leverage in the upcoming Collective Bargaining Agreement negotiations. So, instead of insane rookie contracts and teams going hog-wild in free agency, you are looking the owners forcing players to be signed to slotted pay scales, etc. The only difference we'd notice is the money going to the owners instead of the stars, though. So, if you like ridiculous projects like the Jerrydome, I guess that's something to look forward to...

Bright eyes wrote:I like people. I want them to like me. But I feel uncomfortable around people and try to avoid feeling uncomfortable. So I avoid people. Which leaves me feeling lonely.

Same here. I used to think I didn't like people, but in my case it was just a defense mechanism. I enjoy people's company, and when I eavesdrop on conversations I often wish I could be part of them. I can be "sociable" if a situation calls for it, but I rarely allow anyone to get close to me. I love people but I don't trust them at all.

Because of my "fake it till you make it" policy, I've gained quite a few acquaintances, but very few friends. It's very lonely. I feel like once you get a taste of what it's like to be around just one trustworthy and accepting person, it becomes like a drug. I can't get enough, but I don't want to get "addicted" and become clingy to someone when it will probably only end in disappointment. Even around a trustworthy and accepting person, I'm always paranoid.

In my adult life, I've never been so lonely as I've been since meeting decent people. It's the paranoia that makes me feel lonely, because I can never feel comfortable around anyone. I always test people and they almost always fail. I try to tell myself it's because we're all busy, but deep down I start to think it's because they don't like me--they just tolerate me. That's why I feel like I can act very borderline in relationships when I'm scared (which is all the time), but I only lash out at myself because I don't want to give people an excuse to abandon/reject me by showing how neurotic I am.

The bottom line is, people scare the $#%^ out of me but I still like them. When I can keep them at a safe distance, I almost enjoy being around them.

veles wrote: particularly women - they can smell fear and anxiety miiiiiiiiiiles away. and they hate it... if you screw it up the first time, it is very likely that they would not give you a second chance.

thats not true, alot of girls like shy guys they think its cute.. and alot of girls are nice and would give you a second chance.. why would you want to be with someone who judges you so harshly first time anyway, who cares about a stuck up girl like that..

I can beat that Cowboys stadium... ...I was in the Maracana in Rio de Janeiro, and the record attendance there was 200,000+ for one world cup final. Other large stadiums that I have been in include the old Wembly Stadium (London), La Bombonera (Buenos Aires), Croke Park (Dublin), St. James' Park (Newcastle), and the Santiago Bernabeu (Madrid). i think that stadia are beautiful structures and the site of one makes me feel inspired. I prefer it when they are empty though.

ultimate_krang, i wouldn't wanna be with someone who judges me harshly and leaves no room for error, thats probably why i'm alone. i've haven't met any girls who like shy guys. in fact i haven't met many girls in my life, a couple of miserable attempts have pushed me away from females, but i already mentioned that story. And even if i would find a girl who likes shy guys, i don't think it would help coz i wouldn't describe myself as a shy person, i just can't connect with people - in a 1 on 1 conversation, i never go past the small talk ...hate small talk. You also have to consider the competition with women - a decent looking girl will attract all sorts of guys,by the age of 20, they would have some experience in that area, and they would want a real man, a "normal" man. self-defeating thoughts, negative affirmations blah blah blah, but really, why would any one of them want to be with someone like myself..? that question always stops me from being a man ...its a rhetorical question btw

I don't seem to know any women who like shy guys either. Some will SAY they like shy guys. But there's a big difference between what people say they like and what they REALLY like.

Parador wrote:I don't seem to know any women who like shy guys either. Some will SAY they like shy guys. But there's a big difference between what people say they like and what they REALLY like.

that aint true! parador you got to stop battling with me every time i try and say something postive and rational and.....helpful!! you can play this game your whole life with anyone, you wont acheive anything you will just confirm your negative beliefs about yourself and the world, and you'll just be stuck in cycle.....but they arnt even true anyway!!

veles wrote:ultimate_krang, i wouldn't wanna be with someone who judges me harshly and leaves no room for error, thats probably why i'm alone. i've haven't met any girls who like shy guys. in fact i haven't met many girls in my life, a couple of miserable attempts have pushed me away from females, but i already mentioned that story. And even if i would find a girl who likes shy guys, i don't think it would help coz i wouldn't describe myself as a shy person, i just can't connect with people - in a 1 on 1 conversation, i never go past the small talk ...hate small talk. You also have to consider the competition with women - a decent looking girl will attract all sorts of guys,by the age of 20, they would have some experience in that area, and they would want a real man, a "normal" man. self-defeating thoughts, negative affirmations blah blah blah, but really, why would any one of them want to be with someone like myself..? that question always stops me from being a man ...its a rhetorical question btw

so your argument against yourself is that a women wouldnt want a guy who has self defeating negative thoughts?? alot of women prefer sensative guys. you just gotta think of examples of people in a similar situation who have had sucess. cus what you say isnt actually the cause of your problems, cus it isnt true, its the cause of your problems because you believe it, but its just a lie.