Armageddon

Zahra666 wrote:Perhaps, first you should your way to interpreting me, because I think you´re wrong with me. I only give my opinion (ok, perhaps it´s my stupid opinion but it´s mine. I chosen it, after reflection. I don´t want to mean that you should change your way (this is impossible, in my honest opinion), but try to change your misunderstanding of the reality is good for you. I also had some friends that hurt me; my parents also hurt me (without wanted), but the best for me is to blame them eternally and believe that the same situation is going to be repeated over and over again.
See, I´m not talking about you have to behaviour according to others, or change your personality, neither to be close to that people who hurt you. I´m talking about the possibility that you, now, at this moment you could misunderstanding your thoughts (irrational thoughts) about other people. A very common characteristic in Avoidant people. I know, it´s easy to say than do it. It´s only a possibility.
I disagree with you in this sense. This is life, people have different opinions.
Ok, I don´t know your issues. So I will try to not express my opinion of you anymore.

If you think I'm wrong the way I interpret you, then maybe you should explain a bit more IN THE FIRST PLACE what you mean and not just write "change the way of interpreting reality" in a few sentences.

and why do you think I misunderstand reality? and what have other people to do with this when I was SPECIFICALLY talking about my past "friends", not other people? I think you didn't really read what I wrote so far, or at least didn't understand it.

I have blamed those who have done damage to me, distanced myself from them and moved on. Other people have nothing to do with this. You can disagree with everything I say, this won't change the fact what they did or justify their actions in a good way. The same situation DID happen to me from the very same people, where I gave them the benefit of the doubt but they repeated their actions. I cannot go on forever and allowing them to get away with it just so they can damage me even further (or do the same to someone else, for that matter), thus I broke all contact with them and when they asked me why, I explained the whole thing which in the end left them speachless as they KNEW they were wrong and couldn't justify their $#%^. And don't try to put me in AvPD because I don't ignore people for the reasons Avoidants do, nor do I think every single one of them has negative thoughts about me.

Also, I hope you realize that in a way, both you and Generallyimpaired are trying to justify BAD actions done by people to someone else, in this case me, by trying to "manipulate" me so I can see that the damage done by my so called "friends" is justifiable, which is utterly ridiculous. Telling me to change my ways or that I misunderstand/misinterpret my thoughts/views, points in this direction. I have EVERY right to blame a person who INTENTIONALLY does damage to another one, be it for own pleasure, benefit, just so, or whatever. It doesn't matter if this "friend" is just that or someone from my own family. It is morally unjustified to let them do their thing and get away with it.

How can I misunderstand my thoughts when I have EXPERIENCED the consequences of their very INTENTIONAL actions?

dbx wrote:

Zahra666 wrote:Perhaps, first you should your way to interpreting me, because I think you´re wrong with me. I only give my opinion (ok, perhaps it´s my stupid opinion but it´s mine. I chosen it, after reflection. I don´t want to mean that you should change your way (this is impossible, in my honest opinion), but try to change your misunderstanding of the reality is good for you. I also had some friends that hurt me; my parents also hurt me (without wanted), but the best for me is to blame them eternally and believe that the same situation is going to be repeated over and over again.
See, I´m not talking about you have to behaviour according to others, or change your personality, neither to be close to that people who hurt you. I´m talking about the possibility that you, now, at this moment you could misunderstanding your thoughts (irrational thoughts) about other people. A very common characteristic in Avoidant people. I know, it´s easy to say than do it. It´s only a possibility.
I disagree with you in this sense. This is life, people have different opinions.
Ok, I don´t know your issues. So I will try to not express my opinion of you anymore.

If you think I'm wrong the way I interpret you, then maybe you should explain a bit more IN THE FIRST PLACE what you mean and not just write "change the way of interpreting reality" in a few sentences.

Sorry, I´m Spanish. I try to explain myself as best as I can.

and why do you think I misunderstand reality? and what have other people to do with this when I was SPECIFICALLY talking about my past "friends", not other people? I think you didn't really read what I wrote so far, or at least didn't understand it.

I read your posts with attention. Even I have said to you that you have all the right to go away from that people who hurt you.

I have blamed those who have done damage to me, distanced myself from them and moved on. Other people have nothing to do with this. You can disagree with everything I say, this won't change the fact what they did or justify their actions in a good way.

I have also said to you. I don´t want to change you (who am I to do this?), neither justify other people actions. I was only considering the possibility that you might apply the same bad experiences to other people, so you are unlock in your room. I was unlock in my room for seven years. I understand you. I´m older than you and I say what I´m talking about. If I was applied my bad experience with a man, in one of the schools I taught to my partner, I´d never met him.

Also, I hope you realize that in a way, both you and Generallyimpaired are trying to justify BAD actions done by people to someone else, in this case me, by trying to "manipulate" me so I can see that the damage done by my so called "friends" is justifiable, which is utterly ridiculous.

I don´t justify their actions, these" friends" are m......#####&! ok.

Telling me to change my ways or that I misunderstand/misinterpret my thoughts/views, points in this direction. I have EVERY right to blame a person who INTENTIONALLY does damage to another one, be it for own pleasure, benefit, just so, or whatever. It doesn't matter if this "friend" is just that or someone from my own family. It is morally unjustified to let them do their thing and get away with it.

How can I misunderstand my thoughts when I have EXPERIENCED the consequences of their very INTENTIONAL actions?

No, I´m referring to your future. But anyway, sorry for my bad English!.

Zahra666 wrote:Sorry, I´m Spanish. I try to explain myself as best as I can.

I'm sure you can do a bit more in explaining. I know that your English is limited, but you just proved that you can explain yourself in the posts above.

I read your posts with attention. Even I have said to you that you have all the right to go away from that people who hurt you.

Which is what I did, so I don't know what you're trying to debate here

I have also said to you. I don´t want to change you (who am I to do this?), neither justify other people actions. I was only considering the possibility that you might apply the same bad experiences to other people, so you are unlock in your room. I was unlock in my room for seven years. I understand you. I´m older than you and I say what I´m talking about. If I was applied my bad experience with a man, in one of the schools I taught to my partner, I´d never met him.

And why do you consider that I apply this to all people? As I showed in all of my posts, I blame people ONLY THEN if they do something wrong to me. Those who don't or those I don't know, get treated "normally" unless they do something bad to me. It is sound to be weary of people as you never know what they'll do, even if their intentions seem to be genuine, which I though was the case with my "friends", but eventually I was proved wrong. Hence I learned the lesson of being more cautious in the future when it comes to people.

I live as a recluse for 9 years for very different reasons compared to Avoidants. As you may know from my other posts, I suffer from huge indifference to the point where it is chronicle. This makes almost everything lose its meaning and value, including people. Further, I have strong derealization whenever I go outside, which further magnifies my indifference because everything looks fake and unreal in my eyes, thus losing its importance to me even more. Also, social interactions and what people do or don't do is of no importance to me. I also lack the motivation to change things and have very low energy to get up my ass, so to speak. I can't change that, no matter how much I sleep/rest or exercise.

No, I´m referring to your future. But anyway, sorry for my bad English!.

I base my future actions on present events combined with wisdom/lessons from past events

Because you classify yourself as schizoid, yet in the past feel you held a meaningful relationship you obviously miss. You were hurt, you thought they knew you and understood you, you believe they thought you were a freak and just never told you.

Whether that's true or not I think you came to the belief you were a freak and closed off your emotions to avoid being hurt.

You feel emotionally numb and ignore professionals who say you are depressed. Edit:I once read a post that indicated you actually see malice in them, as though they were just giving you drugs to appease their corporate masters.
Not all Avpds know that the way they feel about others is formed through fear, they throw rational evidence at it, they disguise it. It's easier than accepting there is something irrational about you.

A bit off topic, but if it's due to the way medication effected you you believe that you aren't depressed I don't think that's a good determining factor. Many people who take medication don't get the right effects due to many different odd factors, like say metabolism. Or damage caused by other drugs that hasn't really repaired yet.

Generallyimpaired wrote:Because you classify yourself as schizoid, yet in the past feel you held a meaningful relationship you obviously miss. You were hurt, you thought they knew you and understood you, you believe they thought you were a freak and just never told you.

And how can you say that I miss the relationship? Are you inside of me to really see what's going on, or what? Why would I miss something that damaged me? The moment I discovered what they did, the relationship broke down for me and every single good thing I had during it went in flames, so to speak, and lost its meaning. What you're saying about me missing the relationship doesn't make much sense to me. If I did miss it, I'll confess as I see nothing wrong with that, but I'll not admit to something that's not there.

I was not always schizoid but I did have schizoid tendencies going as far back as I can remember (the excessive need to be on my own most of the time and the lacking jealousy and hate feelings). I was a pretty "normal" guy when these things happened to me (which is almost 10 years ago). I was very social at that time, friendly, caring, outgoing, fun to be around (which even strangers have told me) but at the same time, when friends were not around, I immensely enjoyed being alone and always tried to have time on my own as much as possible. Even at this time of writing, I'm not sure if I'm a real schizoid or not. What I can tell you is that I DO act like a schizoid so one can classify me as being one. I have the typical characteristics of a schizoid... indifference (both social and non-social), unable to internally connect to things, both humans and material-like, no interest in sexual experiences with another person, tendency to always be on my own and live in my own world... In addition to this, I also experience derealization and sometimes depersonalization (which doesn't come often by me).

Also this is the first time I hear someone tell me that I was thinking I'm a freak at that time. Sorry but that's not true. I had no such feelings or impressions at that time. If I had, again, I'll admit it because it's not a big problem for me to do that.

Whether that's true or not I think you came to the belief you were a freak and closed off your emotions to avoid being hurt.

I didn't close off my emotions because I am/were a freak. My emotions died over the years due to immense emotional pain and stress, severe clinical depression, social phobia (which is gone now) and other private issues and pressures which I'd rather not mention. During all these years (9 so far) I had help from nowhere so I had to endure the full length of my depression without any pills/therapy, I had to endure the full length of my phobia with no pills/therapy and I had to endure other things. All this pressure and pain overloaded my system and it shut down which is a natural defensive mechanism.

You feel emotionally numb and ignore professionals who say you are depressed.
Not all Avpds know that the way they feel about others is formed through fear, they throw rational evidence at it, they disguise it. It's easier than accepting there is something irrational about you.

And how do you know I ignore professionals? Were you sitting all the time next to me during all those years to see what I did and where I went? You think I didn't try to get help from somewhere? I WAS in a psych clinic, I TOOK antidepressant, I TOOK anti-psychotics, I did therapy. I TOOK all the pills they gave me and followed prescription correctly but in the end it did very little to me (I had to try different pills). The only pills that helped me were Sipralexa which cleared my depression after 4 months and it never came back (I stopped after that for financial reasons). I am not depressed at the moment, so stop trying to accuse me I am. Again, If I was, I'll say so.

A bit off topic, but if it's due to the way medication effected you you believe that you aren't depressed I don't think that's a good determining factor. Many people who take medication don't get the right effects due to many different odd factors, like say metabolism. Or damage caused by other drugs that hasn't really repaired yet.

I very well know the difference of being depressed and not. I was many years severely depressed and when I compare myself now with then, I am not at the moment and my mood has been stable for a bit over one year - I do not have dark thoughts, I do not pity myself and I do not feel hopeless like in the past. I'm also aware of how meds work and their negative effects. (I gained lots of kilo's when I was on Zyprexa but lost them after I stopped).

Err I wasn't totally clear I suppose, what I'm saying is you missed the whole concept of being in a meaningful friendship. Not so much the specific one.

My skepticism comes from the fact that to me, the whole concept of wanting to help others makes absolutely no sense whatsoever with the definition of a schizoid.

Generallyimpaired wrote:Err I wasn't totally clear I suppose, what I'm saying is you missed the whole concept of being in a meaningful friendship. Not so much the specific one.

Maybe I did, and you may have a point in this, but honestly, I do not require one at the moment. When I think of having a relationship, the only thing I see is that it will require a lot of energy to keep it up which I don't have and also there are financial things. Yes, I am poor, yes I do not have a single cent and yes I tried many times to fix that but no matter where I go, those who are supposed to help me out, turn their backs on me or totally misunderstand my situation or thinking I'm making up things when I say I live for so many years fully isolated in a university city full of people. Where I live, people always shout about helping those who are in financial problems but when it comes to it, they do very little or nothing at all (bunch of hypocrites)... this is my own personal experience

My skepticism comes from the fact that to me, the whole concept of wanting to help others makes absolutely no sense whatsoever with the definition of a schizoid.

Like I said, I'm not fully sure if I'm a schizoid. A schizoid can see benefit in helping someone (it's not that they don't have emotions AT ALL) if it makes sense to him and may benefit him or his surroundings. If schizoids didn't care AT ALL, there will be no forums like http://schizoids.net/forum/ and probably a few more I don't know about. I help others, or at least try to, because it is part of my character (I've been like that ever since I can remember). If I see unjustified damage done to someone, my reason and logic kicks in and tries to sort it out. Do I feel anything when the issue is over in a positive way? No. But I know it was/is the right thing to do... (maybe my mom was good at teaching me in this?). I may lack certain emotions and feel numb inside all the time, but at the same time I do realize that others have emotions and it hurts, as I have experienced it myself.

I'm off watching The Chronicles Of Riddick, so if you reply, my own reply may come tomorrow as I'll go to bed after the movie.

Well then I suppose we are in the same boat then in terms of how we view ourselves.
I think, to an extent, the reason I got so involved is because your situation is incredibly similar to my father's.

It's only about 6:00pm here. I'm curious where this forum's server is based.

Generallyimpaired wrote:Well then I suppose we are in the same boat then in terms of how we view ourselves.
I think to an extent I got so involved because your situation is incredibly similar to my father's, I haven't seen him in 14 years.

It's only about 6:00pm here. I'm curious where this forum's server is based.

What I also forgot to mention is that there are even schizoids who are married and have children, yes, yes, hard to believe, but they do exist. On wiki's schizoid page, somewhere at the bottom, a schizoids' wife explains their situation

What happened to your father (how is his situation similar to mine?) and why haven't you seen him for such a long time? I also haven't seen my grandparents since I was 12. I'm now 27 years old.

It's a really long story. Drugs and falling in with the wrong crowd and being emotionally distant etc. He kind of travels around today, I don't talk to him much because I know it just makes him feel awful.

haven't seen him for 11 years, but he turned me onto many of the things I still like today, art, video games, cooking etcetera. Though my mother think his problems stem from the fact he's a repressed homosexual. Which doesn't really relate to this whole thing.