Is my behavior consistent with AvPD?

I have a couple things that don't really seem to fit in with what people think about when they have APD. First of all, I long to be popular and have many friends (although I'm far from it), but I hate small talk. It's not that I'm afraid I'll say something dumb (well, sometimes it is), but it's because I don't like having to come up with things to say. Then there are those awkward moments of silence, ugh. Also, I don't engage in any fantasies. I do like to daydream, but my daydreams are a little stranger. Instead of daydreaming about me being popular or having lots of money, it's quite the opposite. In those daydreams, I always come close to death in some way, but I'm either saved by someone, or I become a hero. I still hate myself, though, and like to avoid social situations. I want lots of friends, but at the same time, I don't. It's complicated, and I don't even understand it. It almost seems like no one is "good enough" for me, but I don't know. I seem to follow the description of APD, other than this stuff. So, could I have APD, or am I a new kind of weird?

I do not expect anyone to diagnose me. I just want opinions.

RACiE wrote:I have a couple things that don't really seem to fit in with what people think about when they have APD. First of all, I long to be popular and have many friends (although I'm far from it), but I hate small talk. It's not that I'm afraid I'll say something dumb (well, sometimes it is), but it's because I don't like having to come up with things to say. Then there are those awkward moments of silence, ugh. Also, I don't engage in any fantasies. I do like to daydream, but my daydreams are a little stranger. Instead of daydreaming about me being popular or having lots of money, it's quite the opposite. In those daydreams, I always come close to death in some way, but I'm either saved by someone, or I become a hero. I still hate myself, though, and like to avoid social situations. I want lots of friends, but at the same time, I don't. It's complicated, and I don't even understand it. It almost seems like no one is "good enough" for me, but I don't know. I seem to follow the description of APD, other than this stuff. So, could I have APD, or am I a new kind of weird?

I do not expect anyone to diagnose me. I just want opinions.

Well it would be fairly impossible to diagnosis you on the brief description you gave. However most people don't have a full blown personality disorder. I like to think I have some AvPD traits (as well as some NpD). So you are not a "new kind of weird", you are just as "normal" (or weird) as the rest of us.

It just seems like I shouldn't be posting here if I don't have APD. idk