New to the Neighborhood

Well, here I am. My name is Adam, I'm 24 years old, currently living in China (I'm American). I almost certainly have AvPD, although I have not been officially diagnosed with it. I do seem to have all the symptoms, though.

I have always had much difficulty with relationships and social situations because I am always afraid of rejection and embarrassment. I can function socially in everyday situations, but when it comes to social gatherings and meeting new people I'm basically terrified. I have to analyze all aspects of social interactions, and it leaves me feeling overwhelmed and very anxious.

My passions are the environment and social justice. I'm quite the EcoNut. I love simple living and organic farming and the like. The problem is, all the people who share the same interests and values as me are very open, creative, extroverted people. This is the kind of person I want to be, but instead of creativity I find myself with fear and anxiety. I feel like a freak because I can't fit in or interact socially with the people I most admire. As time goes on I find myself increasingly unable to express any sort of creativity, lest I be embarrassed as a result.

My biggest social phobia is dancing (especially the nightclub-type of dancing). I am really quite a horrible dancer and absolutely hate dancing, but there's a real part of me that wants to be able to dance and just let go. I feel extremely anxious and completely alone when dancing is involved. I know a large part of my fear is irrational, and otherwise I am normally an extremely rational person. This realization and understanding that my fear is irrational just contributes to my anxiety and distress. I just want to remove myself from the situation --and FAST-- and usually that's exactly what I do. I'm not even sure if it's dancing I'm afraid of anymore, I'm probably more afraid of the overwhelming anxiety I know it will bring on.

I know that AvPD has become a major problem for me and has interfered with many aspects of my life, so I'm going to try to begin to address it in a lasting and meaningful way. I figure this forum will be a good place to start.

Anyway, I look forward to meeting and talking with all of you. I'm optimistic about being somewhere where people understand exactly how I feel and have similar problems.

Welcome, my name is also Adam, from Australia I'm also 24 and I want to kick my wall.

Asuka wrote:Well, it's interesting you brought up the topic of dancing. I,too, hate dancing and never will. I have no problem going to nightclubs or pubs, nor talking to people. However I simply cannot dance at all. I find it rather pointless and trivial anyway.

Yeah, I pretty feel the same way. Whenever I watch other people dance, I feel like some anthropologist viewing some ritual in a completely foreign culture. I think even if I were to overcome my phobia, I probably would still hate dancing in most situations. I just don't like being so helpless and anxious in regard to it. Despite disliking dancing, I still wish I were at least able to do it.

It must be nice going to a new continent.

In some respects it's nice, but in other respects I deeply regret being here. There is a lot of freedom for me socially, since all foreigners are all already seen as crazy here. I blend in better. My current--and to date, only-- meaningful relationship also began here. It was fantastic to finally have a meaningful relationship with mutual attraction. I was beginning to think such a thing was impossible for me. Unfortunately, I need to end it soon (long story). I wanted to make this relationship work so bad, but relationships are a lot more complex than I ever expected! ;? I've put my life back in the States on hold for too long and I need to get out of the city (and China) and back to what's really important to me.

What's the standard of mental health care like in China? I would imagine it's even worse than in the west. I read that Tokyo did not have its first psychiatrist until the 80's.

Much worse. I imagine Japan is much better than China, though. I haven't sought any help here, and I suspect there would be no one who could help anyway. Mental health care is practically non-existent here. If they really did realize there was some sort of mental irregularity with me, they'd put me on a plane back to America before you can count to 一，二， 三.

I often wonder if the group mentality of Asian countries acts as a counter measure against such self obsessed mental disorders such as AvPD and NPD. You know what it's like in these places. A protruding nail is soon hammered down.

You couldn't have said it any better. They try and stamp out any irregularities as soon as they are evident. I'm sure there are many who do suffer from all sorts of mental health illnesses, but they have resorted to burying or masking their problems as much as possible. If they can't, then it's either a crapload of medication or to the sanitarium for you!

Man, you have my envy... escaping my area of residence and moving to a foreign country (or at least cross-country) is something I dream of doing all the time. Do you mind sharing what you do for a living and how you support yourself?

hunter20 wrote:Man, you have my envy... escaping my area of residence and moving to a foreign country (or at least cross-country) is something I dream of doing all the time. Do you mind sharing what you do for a living and how you support yourself?

Sure thing. I used to teach English, but I hated that tremendously. Luckily I've found a better job now: helping Chinese students apply for universities in America and then obtain an F-1 student visa after they have been accepted. I also make money on the side by 1 on 1 tutoring with students to help them prepare for the TOEFL and IELTS tests (both of which are used to certify English proficiency when applying for universities). It's okay work, but not something I plan on doing for very long, just a temporary job while I'm living here.