Hi Are there any over 40s here?

I am wanting to help my partner. We are both in our early 50s. He may be really relieved to read this or he may be very, very upset, offended, humiliated I just don't know? How am I going to broach it without him having a bad reaction. He is trying to find out what is wrong and I am sure as sure this is the answer. What do you think? What would be the normal reaction for someone with an Avoidant Personality have to reading the details up here in the stickyies? I so don't want to use the term personality disorder with him. Can therapy and love (ie from me) work?

I don't think having a label is any help for you. If you are willing to help your partner, I don't even know that he needs to be reading here. (What I really mean is, that I wish I had a friend reading here, recognizing me, and helping me so that I wouldn't feel any need to read/post here.)

I think it's great that you want to help. You can read up on AVPD and learn to recognize the situations that prompt feelings of rejection and/or withdrawal.

If you recognize what hurts your partner, you can try to avoid doing that yourself, and when you see someone else's behavior having that effect, you can show your partner that you care and draw him out when he starts to withdraw.

http://www.tljones.co.uk/apd/apd.htm

Above is the best site I have found in assembling the most information in one place. Yes, I'm over 40.

Maybe show him the wikipedia page and let me make up his own opinion.

I would be over 40 if I hadn't frozen my age at 39.

To answer the OP question - lots of people are relieved to find out they have avpd. It was quite a revalation when I read about it. It didn't really change my life much though.

I have trouble talking to my wife about many things because she is somewhat judgmental and controlling. I anticipate her reacting negatively from past experiences.

I recently had a brief intense relationship with a women who is borderline and was immediately able to open up with her. She completely accepted me for who I am, what I did, and what I said. She was non-judgmental and and supportive of me. She didn't expect me to agree with her or to change anything. She was also very open and honest with me from the beginning. More so than anyone I've known.

So, my advice to you is to build trust with your partner by being very supportive and non-judgmental in every aspect of your relationship. Make sure he knows that you accept him for who he is. Be very open and honest with him about yourself. That will also help build trust. Once you have that, you will be able to talk to him about anything.

I'm 52 and recently found out I've got AvPD. I'm now very excited to begin working on it.

I am 61. I can trace my avoidant nature back to the age of 13, at a very minimum. Until about two years ago I avoided dealing with any of this which caused routine periods of hopelessness and depression. Two years ago I was diagnosed with dysthmia and general anxiety disorder. The anti-depressants did resolve the mood problems really well. But --lo and behold-- although my ability to socialize in superficial situations improved dramatically,
my inability to establish any close relationships, particularly with woman, did not change. So finally I realize that the depression was a symptom of my personality disorder rather than the other way around. That's one way an avoidant lasts to senior citizen status.

I am 42