relationships with the opposite sex

by **A_FishNamedEric** » Thu Oct 02, 2008 11:57 pm

the pain wrote:
This is one thing that bothers me the most. I guess i dont embrace my virginity because i see it as a negative. Im def not proud of it and would be mortified if people only knew. Its not like i made a decision to stay a virgin its because i cant form any relationships with people especially women. It might be a different story if i had actually had a chance to have sex and decided not to go through with it. Then i could see looking at it as something i have control over. So much pressure is put on guys to lose their virginity at a young age that if you dont your seen as a loser or freak or gay.

Is there any way to change my thinking? Is my thinking messed up? Maybe im just getting to hung up on this whole virginity thing:( i need therapy

the pain

I don't think it is a "messed up" way of thinking; in order for something to be wrong, then there must be a right, which in this case, there isn't. It is a society thing I suppose, an unfortunate one(in my opinion), but nonetheless. I "accept" it with a mix of prudishness (Is that even a word? >.>) and a bit of zeal I suppose. I am by no means religious, but if I believed in pushing my ideas onto other people I'd probably be a "values voter". So I suppose I "accept" it mostly by avoiding it.

the pain wrote:
Brain Damaged wrote:I'm almost thirty, and I've never had a girlfriend either. So, you're not the only loser out there.

I think the best thing to do is to embrace your virginity. If it's seen as something outside of your control, people will tease you over it. But if people believe you chose this lifestyle, they'll respect you for it. Well, most people anyway.

This is one thing that bothers me the most. I guess i dont embrace my virginity because i see it as a negative. Im def not proud of it and would be mortified if people only knew. Its not like i made a decision to stay a virgin its because i cant form any relationships with people especially women. It might be a different story if i had actually had a chance to have sex and decided not to go through with it. Then i could see looking at it as something i have control over. So much pressure is put on guys to lose their virginity at a young age that if you dont your seen as a loser or freak or gay.

Is there any way to change my thinking? Is my thinking messed up? Maybe im just getting to hung up on this whole virginity thing:( i need therapy

the pain

You're embarrassed because you're pushing thirty and still a virgin. Unless your shrink is going to pop your cherry, how is therapy going to help?

by **Black Bile** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 12:32 am

JMX29 wrote:Yeah, I never really understood why people make such a big deal about getting laid.

Because there is nothing more important than sex.

by **Black Bile** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 12:58 am

We're only here to procreate. Everything else is just a distraction.

by **Black Bile** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 1:09 am

Asuka wrote:
Black Bile wrote:
the pain wrote:
Brain Damaged wrote:I'm almost thirty, and I've never had a girlfriend either. So, you're not the only loser out there.

I think the best thing to do is to embrace your virginity. If it's seen as something outside of your control, people will tease you over it. But if people believe you chose this lifestyle, they'll respect you for it. Well, most people anyway.

This is one thing that bothers me the most. I guess i dont embrace my virginity because i see it as a negative. Im def not proud of it and would be mortified if people only knew. Its not like i made a decision to stay a virgin its because i cant form any relationships with people especially women. It might be a different story if i had actually had a chance to have sex and decided not to go through with it. Then i could see looking at it as something i have control over. So much pressure is put on guys to lose their virginity at a young age that if you dont your seen as a loser or freak or gay.

Is there any way to change my thinking? Is my thinking messed up? Maybe im just getting to hung up on this whole virginity thing:( i need therapy

the pain

You're embarrassed because you're pushing thirty and still a virgin. Unless your shrink is going to pop your cherry, how is therapy going to help?

By allowing him to overcome his avoidance which will allow him to socialise.

The only way to overcome your avoidance is by forcing yourself to interact with real, live people. Besides, seeing a shrink won't change the fact that he's well into his twenties and still a virgin.

by **Black Bile** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 1:19 am

Asuka wrote:
Black Bile wrote:We're only here to procreate. Everything else is just a distraction.

So what your're saying is there is nothing more important in life than having children and everything else we do is a trivial, meaningless distraction? What about homosexuals? Does this mean once a woman reaches the age where she cannot conceive or she is infertile her life is without meaning?

No, not at all. But from a biological standpoint, sex is all that matters.

by **Black Bile** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 1:35 am

I apologize, Asuka. I don't want to discourage anyone from seeing a therapist if they think it will help. Personally, I think they're overrated.

by **Black Bile** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 1:44 am

Asuka wrote:
Black Bile wrote:
Asuka wrote:
Black Bile wrote:We're only here to procreate. Everything else is just a distraction.

So what your're saying is there is nothing more important in life than having children and everything else we do is a trivial, meaningless distraction? What about homosexuals? Does this mean once a woman reaches the age where she cannot conceive or she is infertile her life is without meaning?

No, not at all. But from a biological standpoint, sex is all that matters.

But you said everything else is just a distraction, that is to say the subjective aspect of humanity, a different standpoint. I see now that what you meant to say in your original post is that the propagation of our species is of prime importance from a biological perspective.

Yes, and I believe that's why so much importance is placed on when a male loses his virginity.

by **Imman** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 1:57 am

what about Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Is that thing obsolete? Im still stuck at the very bottom. :roll:

by **Parador** » Fri Oct 03, 2008 2:16 am

I think an hour with a hooker is going to do more than 40 with a shrink. In theory psychological help could reduce your anxiety and builsd self esteem which could be beneficial. There is also a surrogate therapy where you can actually have sex.

relationships with the opposite sex

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